JAM:THawks,JLawrence,DGorman,JMoorhouse
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring TONY HAWKS, JOSIE LAWRENCE, DAVE GORMAN and JUSTIN MOORHOUSE, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 1 March 2010)

NOTE: Final appaearances for Dave Gorman and Justin Moorhouse.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you. Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners in this country and around the world. But also to welcome to the programme four distinguished, exciting, dynamic personalities who are going to display their ability with words and language, verbal dexterity and knowledge, as they talk on a subject that I give them, and they try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And those four are, seated on my right, Tony Hawks and Justin Moorhouse. And seated on my left, Josie Lawrence and Dave Gorman. Please welcome all four of them! Seated beside me is Sarah Sharpe, who is going to help me keep the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the University of Derby. Let's begin the show with Justin Moorhouse. Justin, the subject is the people you find in a student bar. Sixty seconds starting now.

JUSTIN MOORHOUSE: The people you find in a student bar tend to be nice students. I was so looking forward to coming here. I told my mother, I said "I'm off to Derby". She said "the home..."

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JOSIE LAWRENCE: Two saids.

NP: Yes I said to my mother, I said I'm off to Derby.

JM: It's going to be like that, is it?

NP: Sorry audience, those are the rules of the game. It was a correct challenge of repetition so Josie you get a point for a correct challenge and you take over the subject. There are 52 seconds available, the people you find in a student bar starting now.

JL: The people you find in a student bar many years ago used to be me. I was always in my student bar. I would drink a pint of lemonade with two drops of Angus Doura bitters in it and one of those, well, I can't say the name, but they're a spicy sausage in a green packet that are usually very angry. That's what I lived on. But today if I was at Derby University, I would walk into the student bar, and oh my Lord! Look who's here! It is Nicholas Parsons on the stage! You don't really expect to find that kind of person in a student...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: A little hesitation.

NP: A little hesitation. So you got back in on the subject, taking it away from Josie, and you've got a point of course, you have 23 seconds available, the people you find in a student bar starting now.

JM: I wasn't worried about the people I'd find in a student bar. My mother said...

BUZZ

NP: So Dave you have a correct challenge, you have 20 seconds, tell us something about the people you find in a student bar starting now.

DAVE GORMAN: I would divide the people I find in a student bar into two, were it not for the fact that dissecting people is illegal...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Repetition of the word people.

DG: It's in the title.

JM: I know!

NP: Just to remind our listeners and our audience, you can repeat either the subject or words that are in the subject. But of course, nothing else. Right so incorrect challenge Justin, another point to Dave, 12 seconds David... have ever anybody ever called you David?

DG: Only my mother when she is telling me off! So it kind of strangely works very well when you do it Nicholas.

NP: Oh Dave you're so lovely!

DG: Oh no, you've just ruined it now!

NP: Twelve seconds Dave, 12 seconds, the people you find in a student bar, starting now.

DG: So instead I will categorise them in three groups. There are of course students. There are also people...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Repetition of the phrase there are.

NP: There are. There are, there are. Right... if you clap every challenge I don't think we'll ever get in the show! Justin a correct challenge and there are six seconds still available, the people you find in a student bar starting now.

JM: The people you find in a student bar in Derby will be...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TONY HAWKS: Repetition of Derby.

NP: Yes you mentioned Derby before.

JM: I'm here!

NP: You can't repeat it in Just A Minute. So Tony's got in with two...

TH: When he said don't applaud the challenge, obviously.... don't replace it with absolute stony silence!

NP: Anyway you don't need to...

TH: You can still say, mutter, "Tony Hawks is very good, isn't he really".

NP: I mean a clever challenge, yes that's fine, right. Dave you wanted to say something.

DG: I'm challenging the audience because they keep clapping, that's repetition!

NP: Right, okay Dave, good point. I can't give you bonus points for it, but two seconds for you Tony on the people you find in a student bar starting now.

TH: There is absolutely no-one...

WHISTLE

NP: In this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Tony Hawks and he and Dave Gorman and Justin Moorhouse have all got two points at the end of the round. Josie's got one which you're probably aware of so I don't know why I'm saying it. Dave Gorman would you begin the next round, the subject is how to spot a genius. Sixty seconds starting now.

DG: There is one surefire way of spotting a genius on a BBC Radio stage and that is by looking at the...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: I think I'm going to get booed for this, repetition of B.

NP: BBC. It is the old one that often comes up. Fifty-four seconds on how to spot a genius starting now.

TH: One of us on the panel is undoubtedly a genius. It's not good enough to go up to someone and say "what are nine sevens?" Because if they say 63, that's no proof that they're a genius. You have to set a harder task. Sometimes throwing a stick a long long way away from them and seeing if they fetch it...

BUZZ

NP: Dave challenged.

DG: There was a repetition of long, long long way away. A long long way away.

TH: Did I say long long?

NP: Yes, no he didn't, no he just...

DG: A long long way away, I think you said.

TH: What a ridiculous thing to say!

NP: Especially in Just A Minute. Dave, 38 seconds for you on how to spot a genius starting now.

DG: I've spent a great deal of my career spotting geniuses by hosting...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: I'm having a guess. Is it geni? Like in a lamp?

JL: No, you can say geniuses.

NP: You can say geniuses. Dave another point to you, 34 seconds starting now.

DG: In the British Broadcasting Corporation light entertainment format that I present a show called Genius in which members of the public are given the forum in which they can present ideas...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Two, sorry David, two in whichs.

DG: Yeah.

NP: Two in whichs, yes.

DG: There were two presents as well, to be honest with you.

JL: Yeah.

NP: One challenge is enough. Twenty-two seconds for you Josie on how to spot a genius starting now.

JL: Geniuses are notoriously difficult to spot. I once went on a genius safari...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Um I, I don't know. I wanted her to have another point!

NP: Oh you're wriggling out of it now. An incorrect challenge, Josie. 17 seconds, how to spot a genius starting now.

JL: I got in the jeep with my guide and we were going around for ages. And suddenly an apple fell on my head and there, up in the acacia tree was Sir Isaac Newton...

BUZZ

NP: Dave challenged.

DG: I think deviation, because an apple doesn't fall out of an acacia tree.

JL: No! I'm not having that! When I was on this genius safari, he had them in a basket on his lap.

NP: You have the benefit of the doubt, I am protecting you here. I'm sure wherever the apples came from, someone threw it up, it fell down, and they were trying to prove the theory of gravity. And you have another point and you have seven seconds, how to spot a genius starting now.

JL: Then we went down to the waterhole and there was Galileo with his friend...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Hesitation.

NP: No! So she has another point and two seconds on how to spot a genius starting now.

JL: But the best way to spot a genius is to...

WHISTLE

NP: So Josie Lawrence was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, and she now has taken the lead ahead of Tony Hawks and Dave Gorman and Justin Moorhouse in that order. Josie we'd like you to begin the next round too, the subject is vintage. Tell us something about that subject, vintage, in this game starting now.

JL: I went into a shop the other day, I was so surprised. There were lots of garments from the 1980s in there, many of which I find still in my wardrobe. The young girl came up to me and said "this is a vintage shop". I was morti...

BUZZ

NP: Dave challenged.

DG: Repetition of shop.

NP: Yes you went into a shop at the beginning.

JL: Yes you're right, yes I did.

NP: So Dave, a correct challenge, 46 seconds, the subject is vintage starting now.

DG: Some things improve with age. I'm thinking of wine and cheese and radio presenters of panel shows, Just A Minute, wonderful things as they...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Repetition of the word things.

DG: Yes.

NP: Thirty-six seconds for you Justin on vintage starting now.

JM: The veritable proof that vintage presenters are excellent hosts of panel shows is Nicholas Parsons. He's amazing, he's kind, he's generous...

BUZZ

NP: Dave challenged.

DG: I know it's only a small word, but there was he's, he's, he's, there were three of them in quick succession there.

NP: I know. There were three quite close together.

JM: Did you like hearing it though, Nicholas?

NP: What's that?

JM: Did you like hearing it?

NP: I know, I wanted you to go on actually.

JM: Well you're the judge, Dave pointed that out.

NP: I have to be fair just within the rules of Just A Minute and say Dave another point to you, 27 seconds on vintage starting now.

DG: When I was a boy, my father drove a Rover 100 automobile, a car of some vintage. We were embarrassed as children, my brothers Jonathan, Richard, Nicholas, Jason, Sean and I all...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Repeat who your brothers were!

DG: Jonathan, Richard, Nicholas, Sean and Jason.

JM: A Rover 100 wouldn't fit all those people in!

NP: Tony...

DG: That's why we were embarrassed, two of them were on the roof rack!

NP: Tony it was a clever challenge but it wasn't within the rules of Just A Minute. So we give you a bonus point because we enjoyed what you did. Dave you have a point because it was an incorrect challenge and you have 12 seconds starting now.

DG: As an avid viewer of the Antiques Road Show, I've always been impressed by the valuations given, especially for vases of a particular age that are always...

WHISTLE

NP: So Dave Gorman was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's now moved into the lead ahead of Josie Lawrence. And Tony Hawks we'd like you to begin the next round. And the subject is the society I would most like to join. There are a lot of societies up here at the University of Derby, but talk about the subject in any way you wish in 60 seconds starting now.

TH: The great thing about universities is that there are so many societies you can join. And I saw a magnificent sign as I came in here for the Pole Dancing Society. I thought what a wonderful way of spending a Wednesday afternoon, writhing up and down against a silver thing, hanging from the ceiling, and a chance to impress your people in the student bar later. Perhaps they will think you are a genius if you're really good at it. And I would certainly join that society given the opportunity. Also I'd like to join a society which...

BUZZ

NP: Dave challenged.

DG: No, it's incorrect, because I think join is in the title isn't it.

NP: It is.

DG: I apologise.

NP: The society I would most like to join, it's in the title. So he can repeat it. All that happens is he gets another point for an incorrect challenge and he has 28 seconds to continue on the society I would most like to join starting now.

NP: No it isn't. He can say, it's not, he can say it here in Derby and get a lovely reaction, you know, embrace the audience to his heart there. It's not deviation at all! I think...

TH: I am something of a dreamer. I would love to join a society that was free of greed. Oh my goodness, wouldn't that be wonderful if we could all walk...

BUZZ

TH: I haven't finished yet! If we all walked...

NP: Dave you challenged.

DG: That was a repetition of wonderful.

NP: Yes there was too much wonderful there. It would be wonderful but...

TH: Fair enough.

NP: ... unfortunately you can't repeat it in Just A Minute. Eighteen seconds for you Dave on the society I would most like to join starting now.

DG: The society I would most like to join is the polite society. But when I ambled up to their offices and said "oi, what about it?" they said "no, you're not really our..."

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Repetition of the word said.

NP: Yes, I said and they said. Right, well listened Justin, seven seconds you have on the society I would most like to join starting now.

JM: Being a rotund chap, the cafe society is the one I would most like to join. Every day...

WHISTLE

NP: So Justin Moorhouse was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. But he's still in third place, just behind Josie Lawrence and Tony Hawks, and in the lead still is Dave Gorman. And Justin we'd like you to begin the next round. The perfect date, tell us something about that in this game starting now.

JM: The perfect date is the first one you taste on Christmas Eve. Specially...

BUZZ

NP: Josie Lawrence.

JL: I pressed my thumb against the thing by mistake. Which is part of my perfect date. Sorry Nicholas.

NP: That's all right. Josie what we'll do is give you a bonus point for the way you wriggled out of your mistake. Justin gets a point because he was interrupted and he has 55 seconds, the perfect date starting now.

JM: The image I have of that very first fruit as it's unwrapped on that Micklemas... oh!

BUZZ

NP: Tony.

TH: Was there a hesitation?

NP: There was a hesitation.

JM: Do you know what the hesitation was for? I'll be honest with you. I was thinking of myself as a young boy in my jim-jams, enjoying that first date...

NP: But you couldn't think of another word...

JM: ... and then Josie popped in my head! And all my Christmas innocence evaporated up the chimney from when Santa... if I'd carried on like this I might have got a point!

NP: Absolutely I'd save if I were you, you might get back in again. Forty-eight seconds Tony, the perfect date starting now.

TH: The perfect date would be a walk in Derby through Riverside Gardens...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: No no no no. Hesitation. I know the perfect date in Derby and it's a two for one at Zanzibar. A walk in the park? What are you from?

TH: Well I'm on the way...

JM: Some kind of British...

NP: Justin, Justin, maybe to you two, a date at the Zanzibar Club here in Derby would be the perfect one. But to Tony Hawks, his perfect date is a walk along the, where is it? Where is it Tony?

TH: Riverside Gardens.

NP: Riverside Gardens. So we are all entitled to our own perfect dates aren't we. Tony yours is an incorrect challenge, another point to you, 43 seconds, the perfect date starting now.

TH: On the way to the Zanzibar Club where I...

BUZZ

NP: Justin you've challenged.

JM: That's technically a ah errrr, a deviation.

NP: Why?

JM: Because I know full well as we all do that Tony has an exclusion order from the Zanzibar. Which is why he has to walk around the gardens all night while the rest of us normal people get on with two for one night.

TH: I never said I was on this date. I said...

JM: You did!

TH: No, I said the perfect...

JM: The perfect date for me!

TH: Did I?

NP: It doesn't matter whether you did or not Tony.

TH: No it doesn't.

NP: It's an incorrect challenge.

TH: Incorrect.

NP: Ah 40 seconds Tony, the perfect date starting now.

TH: And as the Italian dark figure goes by, perhaps buy a rose. And then a lunge, a kiss, perhaps go back to their place...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Perhaps, he said that before.

NP: You said perhaps before, right.

TH: I can't remember, I've been rambling for so long!

NP: Twenty-six seconds on the perfect date starting now.

JL: My perfect date would be a date. Any kind of date. I haven't been taken out for oh, nigh on 10 years now. No man ever...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: What are you doing later?

NP: Give Tony a...

JM: Going to the Zanzibar with me!

NP: Give Tony a bonus point for his interruption and his comment. But Tony, Josie was interrupted, it was incorrect so Josie another point to you, 17 seconds, the perfect date starting now.

JL: But if someone did take me a'courting, my...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Repetition of the word take.

NP: take yes, if someone would take me out before.

JL: Oh gosh!

NP: Yes yes.

JM: They turn so quickly, don't they?

NP: So Justin at last you've got in and you've got 15 seconds on the perfect date starting now.

JM: At last you've got in, was the refrain from my perfect date. We were queuing for hours to get in Zanzibar...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged. Josie what's your challenge?

JL: I'm going to be picky but he did say in twice.

NP: Oh no!

JL: Well he's been going at me!

NP: But I'm not going to allow the challenge because it was a bit picky. So no points scored, seven seconds still with you Justin, the perfect date starting now.

JM: Some time ago I was talking about my perfect date, the one I had at Yuletide. A gorgeous...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Justin Moorhouse was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. They're all almost equal as we go into the next round. Dave, the art of studying, good subject here at the University. Tell us something about it in this game starting now.

DG: The art of studying could best be summed up as truly being the art of pretending to study while getting away with everything else you possibly can. The students who I always thought were the best at this were those who were studying art...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Repetition of the word best.

NP: The best way, oh yes.

DG: Did I?

NP: You started the best way to do it and now you're saying the best. So well listened Justin, 45 seconds are still available, the art of studying starting now.

JM: Never mind the art of studying, what about the studying of art? I often find myselves in galleries...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: I know he's quite big, but he's not two! I often find myselves?

JM: I have more than one personality Tony!

NP: What is your challenge within the rules...

TH: Deviation.

NP: Why?

TH: Deviation from the English language, I mean he's, he's only one person and he said I often find myselves.

DG: But he did say in galleries and there could be a sculpture of several of him in a gallery.

JM: Or a mirror!

NP: Tony, correct challenge, 37 seconds, the art of studying starting now.

TH: I often think why do you need to do exams in the first place. All this pressure on studying when all it is really is some kind of test of whether you have the application to do it in the first place. I advise all the students here not to turn up! The art of studying is dead! The time has come for us to rise...

BUZZ

TH: I haven't finished!

NP: Justin you've challenged again.

JM: Deviation.

NP: Why?

JM: From the panel game to some kind of scholastic Nuremberg!

NP: Eighteen seconds Tony, the art of studying starting now.

TH: Or perhaps go up to your little room and flick on the light, open the book at page 10, oh we'll skip the first bit, it's dull. And then begin to take in information that will change your life perhaps forever...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Two perhaps.

NP: Yes you did perhaps before. Right well done, well listened Josie and you've got in with five second to go, on the art of studying starting now.

JL: The art of studying lies in preparation. Go to the library, get out a...

WHISTLE

NP: So it's still all pretty close, Tony is just in the lead ahead of Josie Lawrence, and they are one or two points ahead of Dave Gorman and Justin Moorhouse in that order. And Josie we'd like you to begin the next round. And the subject is role play. Tell us something about role play in this game starting now.

JL: I am an actress so I am used to playing many roles from Kate in The Taming Of The Shrew, to the back end of a cow. But my favourite kind of role play usually...

BUZZ

NP: Dave challenged.

DG: I thought she was just going to say role which is not in the title, but she said role play. So I thought there was a repetition but there wasn't.

NP: Well I'm glad you explained it, it didn't mean a thing. Right okay, incorrect challenge Josie, another point to you, 47 seconds, role play starting now.

JL: Takes place with an audience of just one. Only last week I found a young handsome cove hanging from the rail in my wardrobe...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: I thought you hadn't been on a date for bloody ages!

JL: There's a difference between role play and going on a date.

DG: Besides, we weren't on a date, I was just in her wardrobe!

TH: Oh all right, fair enough, tell us more, I'm eager.

NP: Another point to Josie, 38 seconds Josie, role play starting now.

JL: I'd forgotten completely about him. David had been there since Tuesday, pretending to be a coat hanger. My other...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Sorry! I don't like the image of Dave hanging in your wardrobe. Since Tuesday? Tuesday?

DG: Well I do like it! Let her carry on!

NP: Josie we are still with you.

JL: Are we?

NP: Thirty-eight seconds, role play starting now.

JL: Doctors and nurses, teachers and students, lions and wildebeest, they've all been to my house for a spot of role playing. But there is also a serious side to role play. For example if you are a salesman who is shy and not very good at selling products to people, you can join a role play class. There the person leading...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Hesitation.

NP: No there wasn't, she was going quite consistently. She was running out of steam. No, I have to judge was it enough or not enough? I don't think it was enough, she didn't quite hesitate. She was running out of steam admittedly. Eight seconds, still with you Josie, role play starting now.

JL: "So Jeremy, you're shy," says the tutor. "Yes I..."

BUZZ

NP: Dave challenged.

DG: Repetition of shy, if you were a salesman, you were shy...

JL: You're right, you're absolutely right.

NP: Well listened Dave...

JL: I should have kept you in the wardrobe!

NP: Twelve seconds Dave on role play starting now.

DG: It's important to have a safety word so that you know when the role...

WHISTLE

NP: Right, let me give you the situation as we move into the final round. Well Josie Lawrence is still in the lead, but she is only one ahead of Tony Hawks and she is two or three ahead of Dave Gorman and Justin Moorhouse in that order. Tony we are back with you to begin and the subject is a nice one, seeing where we are in Derby, the Peak District. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

TH: The Peak District is not to be confused with the Peek-a-boo District which is great. I've been there a lot. My goodness, childish games galore. However Youlgreave is a place that I believe is in the Peak District. And my mother was evacuated there in the war, that is an interesting fact for you to take down, perhaps you could jot it down as a student...

BUZZ

NP: Dave you've challenged.

DG: Repetition of down. Jot down, perhaps you could take it down.

NP: He was taking it down yes...

TH: It's true, it's true.

NP: Well done Dave, 39 seconds are available, the Peak District, Dave starting now.

DG: For every peak there is a trough and so I've always wondered why it isn't called the Trough District. But it remains...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Troughs.

NP: Yes there was a trough.

DG: Yeah. Yeah you're absolutely right, yep. It was obvious really, wasn't it.

NP: So Josie you've got in with 30 seconds to go on the Peak District starting now.

JL: The Peak District, a wonderful area of north...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Now that was a hesitation.

JL: Yes I must admit.

NP: Well I'll tell you what. I gave her the benefit of the doubt last time. Justin I give you...

CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I must say you do know how to work this audience here. So you've got 29 seconds on the Peak District starting now.

JM: I love the Peak District. There is the White Peak, there is the Dark Peak. But unlike chocolate, there is no Milk Peak, which is a shame. The Milk Peak would be a vast...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Yes, repetition of Milk.

NP: The Milk Peak, so Tony you got in anyway, 19 seconds available, the Peak District starting now.

TH: Bakewell is a magnificent town. I've been to the theatre there and...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Deviation.

NP: Why?

JM: Bakewell's all right! It's little more than a village, it's not magnificent! It's nice, it's beautiful, it isn't magnificent.

NP: In this game, everybody is entitled to their opinion about something. Fourteen seconds Tony, the Peak District starting now.

TH: If you are in trouble with your studies, perhaps thinking about chucking them in, then get out into the poor hills and climb and do...

BUZZ

NP: Justin challenged.

JM: Deviation.

NP: Why?

JM: Right, in anybody's context, hills cannot be classified as poor! He said get out to the poor hills.

NP: Some hills are poor, some are magnificent. I, I do admire your persistence Justin! But I'm afraid I can't give it to you.

JM: I can see the scores. I'm so far behind, I'm...

NP: Seven seconds Tony, the Peak District starting now.

TH: Trek your way up then down, perhaps stop for a picnic...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Sorry, he keeps saying perhaps.

NP: I know he does.

TH: I must stop doing that.

NP: Yes.

TH: After this game is over, I can use it as much as I like!

NP: Josie it's with you and you have three seconds, the Peak District starting now.

JL: Oh how I long to travel back to the Peak...

WHISTLE

NP: I must give you the final score now, it's very very even and very close. Though Dave Gorman and Justin Moorhouse did extremely well, and they both finished equal in second place with quite a few points. But what was extraordinarily fair, out in the lead was Josie Lawrence and Tony Hawks who are equal in the lead, and so we say you two are the joint winners this week. Well that's all we have time for, I hope you have enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute. It only remains for me to say thank you to these fine, intrepid and humorous players of the game, Tony Hawks, Justin Moorhouse, Josie Lawrence and Dave Gorman. I thank Sarah Sharpe, who has helped me with the score, blown her whistle very delicately every time the 60 seconds elapsed. We thank our producer Claire Jones. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And we are very grateful to this lovely audience here at the University of Derby in the Student Union who have cheered us on our way magnificently. We hope we've given them some happy memories, they've given us some. So from the audience, from me, Nicholas Parsons, and the panel, good-bye, and tune in the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC