JAM:PMerton,THawks,KHesketh-Harvey,ACochrane
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, TONY HAWKS, KIT HESKETH-HARVEY and ALUN COCHRANE, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 22 November 2010)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners not only in this country but around the world. But also to welcome to the programme four talented, exciting, brilliant, clever, amusing, witty players who are going to show off their skill and dexterity with words. And those four are, seated on my right, Paul Merton and Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And seated on my left Alun Cochrane and Tony Hawks. Please welcome all four of them! And as usual I am going to ask them to speak on a subject that I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. Beside me sits Sarah Sharpe, she is going to help me keep the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Lowry Centre at Salford Quays. And we have a lovely Salford, Manchester, north-west audience in front of us who are just eager for us to start the show, aren't you.

SHOUTS OF "YES" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Absolutely! Let's begin with Tony Hawks. Tony, my favourite character in Coronation Street. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.

TONY HAWKS: I have to confess to not being a huge fan of Coronation Street. Although it does come from Manchester, hence the reaction against me from this beautiful audience who I feel confident will forgive me shortly. I did go to the set, which you can wander around if you come up to this place. I looked for my favourite character, Elsie Tanner. I know nothing about her. She wasn't anywhere to be found. I asked for my money back and I was furious. I went up to the man, manager, I shook his head...

BUZZ

NP: Kit you've challenged.

KIT HESKETH-HARVEY: Ah man manager. Man it was, he hesitated.

NP: No he didn't, he shook his head, that's all!

KHH: No, before he shook his head, I went up to the man manager. Well I suppose it could have been a woman manager, I don't know.

TH: He was a man.

KHH: He was a man.

TH: I couldn't shake the head of a woman, that would be... that would be rude.

NP: I, I think it was a sort of slip of the tongue but he kept going...

KHH: Yes yes he did.

NP: ... and made it sound fluent. So I don't think I can give it to you for hesitation.

KHH: Okay. No that's fine.

NP: So Tony, I think you wriggled out of that one...

KHH: I don't want it either.

NP: ... quite cleverly and you still have the subject. You get a point for an incorrect challenge, and you have 33 seconds to continue on my favourite character in Coronation Street starting now.

TH: I believe there were quite a few Duckworths for a period of time. And I was not familiar with any of them. Which will make this next 20 seconds unexciting in many ways...

BUZZ

NP: Paul you've challenged.

PAUL MERTON: I've got a solution to that! I think it's deviation because he hasn't talked about his favourite character. He said he hasn't got one because he doesn't watch the show so by definition he can't actually deliver on the subject because he doesn't know what we are talking about.

SHOUT OF "YEAH" FROM THE AUDIENCE

PM: One person agrees with me!

NP: All right I'll go by...

KHH: This is the BBC, Nicholas.

NP: I'll go by my um, the power of the mob. Do you think Paul's challenge is legitimate? If so, cheer.

CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I won't ask for the reverse. Paul you've got the benefit of the doubt, you've 22 seconds on my favourite character in Coronation Street starting now.

PM: My favourite character in Coronation Street is undoubtedly Albert Tatlock. He was a juvenile delinquent when I started watching it, he was known for scrumping apples. But also Minnie Caldwell. There was this wonderful woman who had a cat called Bobby. And perhaps that particular feline animal was my favourite character when I come to think about it. There used to be...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Well he's got three favourite characters.

PM: Yeah and you didn't have one.

TH: That's worse than not having one, that is, having three.

PM: It's not worse than having none, is it.

NP: I don't know, can you have three favourite characters?

PM: Yeah.

NP: I don't see any reason why you shouldn't. Of course you can.

TH: What does favourite mean then?

KHH: Favourite means primus non inter pares, it is primus isn't it. You did Latin...

PM: They make cookers, didn't they. They make cookers.

NP: You're, you're technically correct. But I think colloquially people talk about my favourite and multiply it by...

KHH: People learn English from this programme.

TH: Yeah.

KHH: You have a responsibility.

NP: Well Kit...

PM: And that's why the world is in the mess it is today!

NP: Paul you've got the benefit of the doubt.

PM: Oh have I.

NP: Six seconds on my favourite character in Coronation Street starting now.

PM: But when we think of Coronation Street, we must reflect on...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: We prefer not to, this is the BBC.

NP: Ah all right we give you a bonus point because it was an amusing and interesting and intelligent interruption.

PM: Yeah.

NP: But Paul has the benefit of the doubt and he's still got my favourite character in Coronation Street and three seconds, Paul starting now.

PM: The barmaid at the Rovers Return, Bet Lynch, with that huge power hair...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went. And in this game whoever does that gains an extra point. And you won't be surprised to hear that he is in the lead at the end of the first round. Kit Hesketh-Harvey will you begin the next round. Oh dear this is an interesting subject, what Nicholas keeps in his wallet. I know what it is there, 60 seconds starting now.

KHH: Not money clearly, because he is the most generous of people. And as he walks the streets of Salford and children crowd to touch the hem of his garment, he dustributes five pound notes to them blithely, insouciant of his financial future. He's got his botox loyalty card...

BUZZ

NP: Alun challenged.

ALUN COCHRANE: I, I was just going to say deviation. I think the reason the children are following him is that he carries Dairylea all the time. Kids love Dairylea!

KHH: Oh really.

AC: They'll do anything for it.

KHH: Maybe he keeps it in his wallet.

AC: Yeah I just, I just felt...

PM: Nicholas, do you keep, do you keep cheese in your wallet?

NP: I don't have cheese or Dairylea or any of those things. But I'll tell you what, as you were being, sort of, within the worlds of fantasy and Alun was in the world of fantasy with Dairylea in my pocket, I'm going to just give Alun a chance to come in on this one and say, not the benefit of the doubt, but I think just justice. No not justice...

PM: It's an old fashioned British word but it still means something.

NP: So poetic justice for the surreal thoughts they've both been putting forward. Alun, 46 seconds, what Nicholas keeps in his wallet starting now.

AC: Thin slices of processed cheese are all that Nicholas Parsons keeps in his wallet. I'm not quite sure whey we have started this strange surreal running of Nicholas Parsons being a...

BUZZ

AC: Oh yeah.

NP: Kit.

KHH: Repetition of Parsons.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yes because it's Nicholas on there.

KHH: Yes.

PM: Yeah.

NP: And you've got back in again on the surreal way that this is going, 35 seconds, Kit, what Nicholas keeps in his wallet starting now.

KHH: Fan letters from the great and the good to him! Mrs Siddons and David Garrick I believe, are in there. No driving licence obviously because it dates from before the time when carriages were horseless. But a Czech book. He's particularly fond of Milos Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness Of Being... oh sorry, I hoist myself all the time.

BUZZ

PM: It's a slight hesitation while we all marvelled! There was a hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation.

KHH: He came to the rescue.

NP: Yes you're absolutely right Paul, he's bringing up so many Latin tags, it's not true. I don't think he even knows what they mean.

AC: It's Milan Kundera isn't it.

KHH: Oh is it!

AC: Yeah, not so clever now!

KHH: What'd I say... is that how you pronounce it as well? I have no idea.

AC: I don't know, I've only read it. I've never said it before.

NP: Right Paul, you had the correct challenge and you have the subject now, what Nicholas keeps in his wallet and there are 16 seconds starting now.

PM: Large white fivers the size of bed sheets. Currency that has been banned back in the early 1960s. He still...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Well I think it was more withdrawn than banned! I don't think they banned the five pound note, they...

PM: Well they were no longer, it was no longer legal currency.

TH: Yeah but it wasn't banned!

PM: Well...

TH: It wasn't like, you didn't go to prison if you had one.

PM: I didn't suggest you did but it was banned as legal currency. Because it was no longer legal currency.

TH: Nicholas?

NP: No I think I've got to be with you on this one Tony.

TH: Thank you.

NP: It wasn't banned, it was ah...

PM: No it wasn't banned, you were allowed to use it all the time!

NP: Yeah but you wouldn't be able to get anything in exchange for it.

PM: No.

NP: So it wasn't legal tender.

PM: No it wasn't legal tender.

NP: But it wasn't banned.

PM: It wasn't banned no.

NP: It was just withdrawn.

PM: It wasn't banned.

NP: So I think I've got to give the benefit of the doubt to Tony.

PM: Yeah exactly.

NP: At least everyone will have spoken on this subject in this round.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Which has been all most surreal. Well it has been surreal. What Nicholas keep in his wallet, Tony and eight seconds starting now.

TH: Imagine the scene. Nicholas is getting his hair cut. The barber says "would you like anything for the weekend..."

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well we haven't heard any mention of the wallet. He's been going for quite some time. Deviation from the subject as written on the card.

NP: He only went for five seconds.

PM: Yeah I know, five seconds.

NP: In relation to the, the 60 seconds available, I'm going to give another benefit of the doubt to Tony.

PM: Yeah do.

NP: Keep the subject, three seconds, what Nicholas keeps in his wallet starting now.

TH: "Yes, I'll have one of those," Nicholas says, pops it in his wallet.

BUZZ

NP: Wait a minute, Paul challenged.

PM: Oh I buzzed just before he said wallet so I withdraw my challenge. But having added those seconds to the previous seconds and he still hadn't mentionbed wallet, I thought it was time to come in.

NP: You're probably right. I've given benefits all round, I'll give you the benefit now Paul.

PM: Oh good.

NP: One second Paul on what Nicholas keeps in his wallet starting now.

PM: A signed photograph of Lord Hawhaw.

WHISTLE

NP: I used to impersonate him during the war but I...

PM: You used to impersonate Lord Hawhaw?

NP: (in Lord Hawhaw's voice) Germany calling, Germany calling.

KHH: It's uncanny.

NP: (in Lord Hawhaw's voice) Where is the Ark Royal? (normal voice) Anybody old enough to remember that? He became one of the most popular comics on radio.

PM: Yeah, Lord Hawhaw.

NP: Yes, he was... what was his name? He was hanged.

PM: William Joyce.

NP: William Joyce, thank you, your knowledge of history is great. He was put in the Tower of London when they lost the war, wasn't he.

PM: Yes I think he was actually the last person to be hung in the...

TH: Can't you go to the pub and talk about this?

NP: This is history.

PM: Yeah.

TH: I'm nodding off!

PM: Well your attention, your attention span has never been great, has it.

NP: Right let's continue with Just A Minute and Alun Cochrane we'd like you to begin the next round, and the subject in front of me is bobbins. Tell us something about, it's a real old fashioned period name. I suppose that's why I identify with it.

PM: Did you put on a special accent when you said bobbins then.

NP: No no no.

PM: You're not auditioning for somebody, are you?

NP: No I was just thinking how foolish I was to say this is an old fashioned word was how I identify with it. Which is very foolish of me because I like to think I am modern and up to time and everything.

CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE

PM: Well three people agree with you.

NP: Right Alun the subject is bobbins and your time starts now.

AC: Bobbins is one of those words that is only used by modern, up to date, trendy, fashionable people. And it's a word used in the north-west of England which I found out means bad. But I learnt that lesson the hard way when I moved to that area and people would say to me after my show, "your show was bobbins!" Thank you very much, I would say...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Repetition of show.

NP: Yes your show and after the show yes.

SHOUTS OF "AWWWWW" FROM THE AUDIENCE

AC: It's all right, I'm an adult, I can cope!

NP: Tony you have a correct challenge, 41 seconds on bobbins starting now.

TH: I'm not absolutely certain about this and will probably be corrected. But I thought bobbins were those little things in the middle of ker kahhh...

BUZZ

TH: Now nobody can argue with that!

PM: No.

KHH: I think it's a province in India.

NP: Who challenged first? I can't remember.

KHH: Yes hesitation and deviation all at once.

NP: Yes there was, he deserved to hesitate after what he said. Right, 34 seconds Kit is available for you on bobbins starting now.

KHH: It's a theatrical term for a load of old rubbish. There was a glorious story... hell, I've...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Well we were going to let that go but he...

KHH: Were we? Shall I just carry on?

TH: ... threw himself on his own sword.

KHH: I'm too honourable, that's the trouble.

TH: Yeah he was too honourable and hesitated again.

NP: Yes he hesitated again. Right, 28 seconds Tony, correct challenge, 28 seconds on bobbins starting now.

TH: In sewing machines I believe. But I am no expert on bobbins as will become apparent. In the north-west and possibly other areas around there, it's a bad thing. I've learned this from Alun and I think Alun...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged. Alun you didn't pick it up, he was...

AC: I did, I just missed it. I was a little bit behind...

NP: Yes Paul, your challenge.

PM: Ah repetition of Alun.

NP: Of Alun yes. So there's 11 seconds still available on bobbins, Paul starting now.

PM: There's an old northern phrase and it says (in northern accent) eeeerrr oooooppp a bobbin.

BUZZ

PM: What happened then?

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: It was lovely but as I say, people are learning English in the far... that really won't do.

PM: But English is more than just the BBC pronunciation.

KHH: Absolutely, absolutely, but we do need...

PM: We are an island of dialects.

NP: But that wasn't any particular dialect, it was a sort of bastardisation...

KHH: It was very...

PM: Bastardisation?

NP: Yes. Of a north-west accent.

KHH: Do you think anybody in this room speaks like that?

PM: Me!

SHOUT OF "EEEEE OOOOOP" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: A bonus point to that man in the audience at the back there, and Kit, I'm going to say you have the benefit of the doubt and say you have seven seconds on bobbins starting now.

KHH: We had to do French knitting to get out of the corps at school. And you stick four nails into the top of a bobbin and produce a skein of wool which is absolutely useless.

WHISTLE

NP: So Kit Hesketh-Harvey was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's equal with Tony Hawks in second place, just behind Paul Merton and they're all just ahead of Alun Cochrane.

AC: I'm not technically last because now that man in the audience is behind me.

KHH: So true!

NP: Yes I don't think he'll be able to get any more points, otherwise the whole game will be up the kybosh.

AC: I'm just glad to be off the bottom!

NP: Well I'll tell you what, give him another bonus point. We did enjoy what he said, right.

PM: What about the man in the audience? Why isn't he getting a point?

NP: Do you want a bonus point at the back there?

SHOUT OF "YES PLEASE" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Right. Put his name down there. Have you got a name?

SHOUT OF "WILL" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Will, right.

TH: Will will be able to go home and say you'll never guess what happened to me.

NP: I came fifth in Just A Minute!

TH: Yeah.

NP: You never thought you'd work your way in that way, did you Will? Right. And Paul we'd like you to begin, oh a lovely subject, seeing the dentist.

KHH: Oh!

NP: Tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PM: Seeing the dentist is all very well if you have a good dentist, somebody that you can trust. There is a gentleman that I see in the Notting Hill area in London who is very good. His name is Simon Godley. He's also partly a comedian and an actor and he has appeared on television over the years. And he has an enormous number of show business anecdotes. His favourite is Bruce Forsyth. He can regale you with stories that he has read from Brucie's autobiography and they are wonderful (in Bruce Forsyth voice) oh they're lovely lovely stories, that's what he tells me...

BUZZ

NP: Kit you challenged.

KHH: Repetition of lovely.

PM: Lovely yeah yeah yeah.

NP: So Kit, a correct challenge for repetition and it's with you now, seeing the dentist, 33 seconds available starting now.

KHH: I try not to see the dentist if I can possibly help it. I screw my eyes up very...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Was there a hesitation?

KHH: Yes there was, I'm sorry.

NP: Well we interpret that as hesitation.

KHH: I was very scareful, it was Pavolvian.

NP: He was trying to elide one word into another. I don't know what you were saying Kit but I'm just trying to... so Tony you've got the subject, seeing the dentist and there are 28 seconds starting now.

TH: I've never quite understood why the dentist insists on asking you a question when he's got your mouth wedged wide open. "Where did you go on holiday this year?" Ahhh wuh!

BUZZ

NP: Alun you challenged.

AC: Ibiza.

NP: I didn't know you were a dentist.

AC: I was sitting, I thought we were in a sketch for a moment.

NP: There was a repetition of ahhhh.

AC: Yeah he said ahhh ahhh, that was definitely my challenge. Absolutely.

NP: So you've got the subject, you've got 18 seconds on seeing the dentist, seeing the dentist Alun starting now.

AC: Ibiza, I told my dentist, as he asked me where I had been on holiday this year, whilst he had his hands in my mouth. He didn't seem to think it was an excellent holiday and recommended...

BUZZ

NP: Oh dear, Kit challenged.

KHH: Sorry, I feel awful. You said holiday twice, darling.

NP: You said holiday twice.

AC: Oh yes.

KHH: Yeah.

AC: So I did darling.

NP: Eight seconds, back with you Kit.

AC: It's like a punch with a velvet glove. He calls you darling whilst taking the points off you.

NP: No no you're gaining, you're gaining.

AC: Right.

NP: We're all winning. Seeing the dentist, Kit with you starting now.

KHH: It's virtually impossible these days. You have to go to Slovenia, Bratislava, Prague, somewhere...

BUZZ

NP: Alun challenged.

AC: You don't, mine's just up the road.

NP: Alun we are going to give that one to you as well, five seconds...

AC: It's all right, darling.

NP: Seeing the dentist starting now.

AC: Seeing the dentist is nowhere near as frightening, I find, as hearing the dentist.

WHISTLE

NP: So Alun Cochrane was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. And oh it's very interesting, there's one point separates all four of them, Alun Cochrane, Tony Hawks, Kit Hesketh-Harvey and Paul Merton in that order, in that ascending order. Tony it's your turn to begin, the subject is the age of the dinosaur. Sixty seconds starting now.

TH: Few people would deny that the age of the dinosaur was a long time ago.

BUZZ

TH: Oh somebody does.

NP: Kit.

KHH: Nicholas Parsons.

SHOUTS OF "OOOOOOOOHHH" FROM THE AUDIENCE

KHH: Oh I'm sorry, they've turned.

NP: Whatever happens now, you're not to going get a point for that! And so, an incorrect challenge, Tony you have another point, 54 seconds, the age of the dinosaur starting now.

TH: We went on a school trip to the Natural History Museum in London and there was a dinosaur as we walked in, the bones thereof, you must understand. Not the moving instrument of the animal itself obviously. And I was amazed to think that something that size only ate vegetables. This is what we were told by the man in the outfit who I assumed was working there. I took him, shook him by the head, but that's another story. The age of the dinosaur is also a comic book which you can buy if you go into a shop which is fictional which is something that I often do of a week...

BUZZ

NP: Alun you challenged first.

AC: Well I think deviation, he's in a fictional shop. Surely, surely he's clutching at straws there if he is often in a fictional shop. It's not the age of the dinosaur which is the subject.

NP: The age of the dinosaur, Alun, is with you, because you've got in with a correct challenge, 19 seconds available starting now.

AC: Twenty-seven is the age of the dinosaur that I found in the bottom of my garden. I don't know what it was doing there. It had dug and dug and dug...

BUZZ

AC: Oh that's, yeah that's not, that's not going to work, is it. In fairness, it was one to dig and it was two dugs that had come through the ground in the garden. But I can see how the confusion has arisen.

NP: And who was the first to challenge.

AC: Oh I think they all jumped on it.

NP: Tony you came in first. What was your challenge?

TH: (laughs) My challenge is repetition of duck, Nicholas. Ah dug, not duck, that would be an error.

NP: So you've got the age of the dinosaur Tony, 11 seconds starting now.

TH: The poor trembling caveman, the tyrannosaurus rex coming towards him. He only has a club to try and beat the...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well deviation because humankind and dinosaurs did not inhabit the earth at the same time. So a caveman would not have...

KHH: Did they really not?

PM: No no, not at all. The idea of a caveman trembling at the sight of a...

TH: Explain The Flintstones!

PM: It's an animated cartoon which you'd be, you wouldn't really choose as photographic evidence!

NP: No, I think you are right actually.

PM: I am, yeah.

NP: So right, you've got the subject of the age of the dinosaur and five seconds to go starting now.

PM: As you look up into those Pagan skies, you realise that one...

WHISTLE

NP: Right so Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. It's all very very close. In ascending order, one point separating them, is Alun Cochrane, Kit Hesketh-Harvey, Tony Hawks and Paul Merton. Alun I think you should begin the next round. The subject is what makes me furious, there are 60 seconds starting now.

AC: Repeatedly saying the word dug during the game Just A Minute is one of the things that makes me furious. But many other things make me furious...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Repetition of things.

NP: Yes, it's not in the title.

AC: Oh I'm furious.

NP: You can repeat the words that are in the title. So what makes me furious Tony, after a correct challenge, and 52 seconds starting now.

TH: There is a huge long list! I can't go into it all now. But remote controls on televisions are totally unnecessary. If you cannot...

BUZZ

NP: Alun challenged.

AC: They're not because if, if the telly hasn't got buttons, you really need the remote control.

NP: I think you do.

AC: Yeah.

NP: I mean some televisions, you get them in hotels, you can't work them at all...

PM: You need the remote control to watch the special movies, don't you Nicholas.

NP: I think you're wicked! And I thought you were my friend. Alun, 44 seconds still available, what makes me furious starting now.

AC: What makes me furious are people who drive with no respect for the three laned motorway. People who make noises on...

BUZZ

AC: Oh!

NP: Oh and Tony and Kit, their lights came on together. So the benefit of the doubt goes to Tony, because you're over there. Tony what was it?

TH: (laughs) I like the, I like the thinking behind that. Because I'm over there? Repetition of people.

NP: Yes that's right it was. And there are 38 seconds, what makes me furious Tony starting now.

TH: That road sign which is a picture of two old people, stooping with sticks, and then there aren't any around. And I'm furious to the point...

BUZZ

NP: Alun challenged.

AC: Isn't that because they have died? You're angry at the death of old people there, that seems...

NP: I don't see your logic Alun. What is it?

AC: Well to be honest, I thought if I did any interruption I'd just get the point because I was over here.

NP: Well we give you a bonus point for that last remark, you got a round of applause from the audience. Tony you get a point because you were interrupted, you keep the subject, what makes me furious and there are 29 seconds available starting now.

TH: Sometimes I will buy a pair of a shoes on a whim and they will be too small, and I will take them and they will pinch me...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: There's lots of an Is there. Are we being too nicky picky picky?

NP: Yes you are.

KHH: Okay.

NP: But it doesn't really matter, it's correct, isn't it. And I, and I, and Is, right, so don't know if the audience know what we are talking about but it doesn't really matter. Kit, 24 seconds still available, what makes me furious starting now.

KHH: What makes me furious are the yawning pauses on Saturday evening television talent shows before they announce who has been voted off. If 15 million people are watching, that means 12 years has been wasted over a 20 second pause. And Carl Orf's Carmeni Bimara comes on and he's still on copyright so it make me furious he's getting all those royalties when it should be Verdi or...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: He's not, he's dead, isn't he, so he's not getting the royalties. Deviation.

NP: Well his estate gets the royalties.

PM: Yeah. But he doesn't, he doesn't get the royalties Nicholas.

NP: It goes, they go to him...

PM: Nicholas, he doesn't get the royalties.

NP: You mean...

PM: He doesn't turn up on a Friday, he doesn't get a pay packet.

NP: He doesn't, he doesn't physically...

PM: No he doesn't! He doesn't get the royalties!

NP: If you want to be logic, the royalties go to him...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... and they're passed to his estate.

PM: Yeah that's right yes, he doesn't get the royalties.

NP: Colloquially saying, he gets the royalties. So you've given me an impossible dilemna.

PM: No it's not impossible.

NP: I think, I think, there's only half a second to go anyway. I think what we should do, we should give the benefit of the doubt to Will at the back there.

KHH: Yes! Excellent decision, chairman!

NP: And Paul gets a point because he was speaking when the whistle should have gone. No he wasn't speaking when the whistle should have gone, rather. So that was the end of that round. I've just been told we have no more time to play Just A Minute.

SHOUTS OF "AWWWWWWWWW" FROM PM AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Oh you are lovely audience! And what a fair result?

PM: What did Will get?

NP: We'll come to that in a moment. Because we have an interesting result. We have two people in second place equal, Kit Hesketh-Harvey and Alun Cochrane.

KHH: Lovely!

NP: And three points ahead, equal, Tony Hawks and Paul Merton so we say they are joint winners this week. But we have in a fourth place, the one and only at the back, Will!

PM: Yeah!

KHH: So Will you've got your round of applause, but congratulations to our joint winners, Tony Hawks and Paul Merton! Thank you, I do hope you've enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute and will wanmt to tune in again next time. It just remains for me to say one final thank you to these four fine players of the game, Paul Merton, Kit Hesketh-Harvey, Alun Cochrane and Tony Hawks. I thank Sarah Sharpe, who has helped me with the score, blown her whistle most elegantly after the 60 seconds elapsed. We thank our producer Claire Jones. We are indebted to the creator of this game, Ian Messiter. And we are very grateful to this lovely audience here in Salford Quays at the Lowry Theatre who have cheered us on our way. From them, from me Nicholas Parsons, and the panel, good-bye, thank you for tuning in, be with us the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC