JAM:PMerton,GBrandreth,KHesketh-Harvey,SKhorsandi
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, GYLES BRANDRETH, KIT HESKETH-HARVEY and SHAPPI KHORSANDI, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 17 August 2009)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, thank you. Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more, it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners in this country, and around the world. But to welcome to the programme this week four exciting, talented, humorous and delightful individuals who are going to show their verbal ingenuity and dexterity and their sharpness and wit as they try and speak on a subject that I give them and they try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And they are seated on my right, Paul Merton and Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And seated on my left, they are Gyles Brandreth and Shappi Khorsandi. Would you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Sarah Sharpe, who is going to help me keep the score, and blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And we have a delightful audience here, eager and ready for us to start. So let's begin the show with Kit Hesketh-Harvey. Kit, what an interesting subject for this show, what others find irritating about me. What others find irritating about me, Kit Hesketh-Harvey, starting now.

KIT HESKETH-HARVEY: I suppose it's the same as any en dame certain age, it's the snoring. I've tried those prognathic prosthetic things that make you look like Philip of Spain. I've dangled upside down from the bedpost. I've given up smoking and whisky late at night. No pillows, it's hopeless, I sound as though the Olympic Village is being built in my bed. I sometimes wake myself up! It's desperate and I come down in the morning, shambling and exhausted, with my wife fuming at me, saying "how could you!"

BUZZ

NP: Gyles you challenged.

GYLES BRANDRETH: I thought he was on the way to a wonderful one minute one, but I'm afraid there was definitely a hesitation.

KHH: I'm afraid yes.

NP: I know, there was a hesitation.

KHH: Sleeplessness caught up.

NP: I listened to it Gyles, I agree with you.

GB: I know, I know.

NP: He had half a minute to go on that because 29 seconds are available. Gyles, you tell us something about what others find...

PAUL MERTON: How many, how many seconds has he got?

NP: He's got 29 seconds.

PM: Really?

NP: What others find irritating about me, Gyles starting now.

GB: In a word, nothing. Either that or...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

BUZZ

PM: Sorry, I can't make it go off! The thing just took on a life of it own then! Well I think there must be some things that people would find irritating about Gyles.

NP: I agree...

GB: I was about to go on to it, because I actually, when you interrupted...

NP: No you said...

GB: Either, either that, or I was going to...

NP: No, you said nothing. We take that as nothing. Paul, correct challenge, oh yes, 27 seconds, what others find irritating about me starting now.

PM: They can't stand my constant attempts to impersonate Nat King Cole. (singing) Smile though your heart is aching. (normal voice) And I do that all the time. I go into shops and people say "what would you like today, sir?" And I start singing something from that golden...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles.

GB: Deviation.

NP: Why?

GB: Because I have to say I've got a record of Paul Mertopn Sings Nat King Cole. It's a particular favourite in our family. I think the way he does it is smooth, it's exciting, there's a kind of sort of subtext of...

PM: Thank you Gyles!

GB: ... held back sexuality. It's wonderful and I recommend it for everybody's Christmas stockings.

PM: That balances out the bad review I got in NME!

GB: Nobody finds that irritating. Nobody find's Paul's Nat King Cole irritating.

PM: No, he's quite right! I've given concerts, they do love it.

NP: Gyles I think you are talking rubbish! We're still with you Paul, 14 seconds, what others find irritating about me starting now.

PM: In the past I have won Just A Minute quite a few times which I don't think is particularly good for the game. I like to enjoy playing of course, but...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: I'm stopping him from winning the game. Is that all right?

PM: But you're not because you've given me a point for a wrong challenge.

NP: Paul, an incorrect challenge, you've still got five seconds, what others find irritating about me starting now.

PM: I do take contracts out on public figures and people do find that irritating...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Paul Merton. Shappi we'd like you to begin the next round, good subject here, baggage. Tell us something about baggage in this game starting now.

SHAPPI KHORSANDI: My favourite kind of baggage would have to be emotional baggage. I gather it throughout my life like a collector of things that other people hate. And I like to bestow my emotional baggage upon...

BUZZ

NP: Ah I know why they have challenged, Gyles.

GB: Repetition of emotional baggage.

NP: Because the subject is baggage, darling.

SK: You know what? I have so much emotional baggage that that's what I heard you say..

NP: Mmmmmm.

SK: I was, I was so keen to, to share my emotional baggage...

GB: Can I say, I don't want to appear irritating, so if you'd like to carry on, I'd love to hear more of what you've got to say.

SK: I'm afraid the rules of this game don't permit me to, to do that.

NP: Well no, but the other three can be generous and say yes carry on.

PM: Yes carry on.

GB: We'd love to.

SK: Oh now! That's so kind!

NP: Right darling, it's baggage, not emotional baggage, and there's 47 seconds starting now.

SK: I like to look at the carousel when I come out of the aeroplane because I always tie a little ribbon around my bag and then I find that half of England have also tied little ribbons around...

BUZZ

SK: Ribbons!

NP: Yes Kit challenged.

GB: No, one singular and one plural.

KHH: No but there...

GB: It's just that Kit is very irritating! And if he concedes it to you, don't be patronised by him. You know it's no way to treat a...

NP: You had the benefit of the doubt on the other one so I've got to give it to you again...

KHH: Little little it was.

NP: Yes I know it was. But we're going to let her carry on because...

GB: Yes of course we are, she didn't get it wrong mate!

SHOUTS OF "OOOOOOHHH" FROM THE AUDIENCE

GB: Sorry, I apologise, I apologise, I'm withdrawing.

NP: You obviously weren't listening, there was a repetition of little and lots of other things, but we want to hear from her on this subject. It wouldn't be fair because the other time it was somebody else who challenged, this time it was somebody different. I know I'm talking a lot of, but anyway let's get on with it. Thirty-five seconds Shappi, baggage, starting now.

SK: Once when I was in France, they lost my baggage and I was only 12 years old. Luckily I remembered the word vullease and kept saying ooohhh errrr the word beginning with V that...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles challenged.

GB: The word and then the word repeated again.

SK: The word, yes, I did repeat. I just like to keep you on your toes Gyles Brandreth.

NP: That's right yes.

PM: That's the worst place to keep him! He's likely to pounce!

NP: Right, 23 seconds Gyles, you had a correct challenge, baggage starting now.

GB: The great proverbs of the world include laugh and the world roars with you, snore and you sleep alone...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Repetition of world.

NP: Yes, laugh and the world laughs with you.

GB: Oh yes! Of course I'm trying not to be irritating and making these deliberate mistakes, I think it's working.

NP: Are you peaking a little, I think...

PM: No he's having a good look from where I'm sitting!

NP: Eighteen seconds Kit, baggage with you starting now.

KHH: Baggage is meant to be a pejorative term. I don't think so. Look at Shappi, she's a sexy little Prada number. Gyles, Vuitton, flashing with the...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SK: Sorry I dont own anything Prada. I mean, who is, who can, only I can tell you what I'm like. If you said Mulberry, I wouldn't have buzzed.

NP: No darling no, he ws paying you a very nice compliment.

SK: I was complimented.

NP: Yeah you were complimented, good. So you've taken your compliment but you had an incorrect challenge. Kit's got the subject still, baggage, 10 seconds starting now.

KHH: I would have said Mulberry was Paul Merton, attrractivelly battered with age. And then there is the little bag for life that is Nicholas Parsons...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Have you been going through my bins? He's got me down to a tee! It's quite scarey!

NP: Right so what's your challenge within...

PM: Nothing, I was just basking in admiration of the accuracy of his summation of my character.

NP: Right so we enjoyed that very much Paul, we'll give you a bonus point for that. Kit you were interrupted, you get a point, you have three seconds more on baggage starting now

KHH: Now that Terminal Five is in Windsor Castle, the Queen is going through all the luggage...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round it was Kit Hesketh-Harvey who was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's now in second place behind Paul Merton who is still in the lead, and Shappi Khorsandi and Gyles are in third place equal. And Gyles we'd like you to begin the next round, a fool's paradise. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

GB: I have lived in a fool's paradise all my life, thinking the world was a friendly place. It isn't, it was a hostile one. But I have treated it like Toyland. Noddy, Big Ears, Mister Plod, these are the folk heroes for me. I look about me and when I see Nicholas, I do not perceive a hostile vicious person, but somebody who is generous, warm, avuncular, a kind of Billy Bunter crossed with Mister Quelch, a figure...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Deviation, there is no way Nicholas could be described as a cross between Billy Bunter and Mister Quelch.

NP: No, neither in my figure, or my personality.

PM: Yes.

GB: You're like a figure from my childhood, there's something reassuring about you. Like a sort of character from a cartoon, you're lovely!

NP: Well you should have said that instead of what you did say.

GB: I was coming on to say that.

SK: But this is like the Prada thing again, you see. This is exactly the same as what happened before. He said something about you that you don't agree with.

NP: No I didn't, it was Paul who disagreed.

PM: Yeah.

SK: Ah!

NP: And so I have to decide on the challenge and I think the challenge is legitimate.

GB: Absolutely.

NP: So Paul you have a correct point, you have 36 seconds, a fool's paradise starting now.

PM: I rather agree with what Gyles has just said, maybe there is something to be said, oh I've said said four times...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles you challenged.

GB: He said said four times.

NP: He did say said.

PM: Actually I just said it three times.

GB: Yeah I know that, but I was going along with you...

PM: So your challenge was wrong!

GB: No no no, repetition of said.

NP: Don't worry Gyles, I would have given you... I'm always fair in my decisions Gyles, correct challenge, 32 seconds, a fool's paradise starting now.

GB: Look at our chairman and you see George Clooney and Kermit the Frog in one suit, a vision of loveliness! A fool's paradise you may think, but no, a place to live in happiness and security. Of course we are naive...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: He's had security already.

NP: You've had security before.

KHH: His rantings before, I think. His happy little childhood.

NP: Your happy childhood.

KHH: Yes.

NP: And the security.

KHH: Noddy in Toyland yes.

NP: Kit correct challenge, don't look as if you didn't say it Gyles, I know you did, 18 seconds for fool's paradise starting now.

KHH: Your paradise depends on what kind of fool you are. If you're rhubarb, it's the land of green ginger. Gooseberry, it's somewhere where you can have an affair. And if you're an Eton mess, it's the shadow cabinet. The...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: A bit mean perhaps, but there was a bit of a hesitation.

NP: And say it was actually a correct challenge. But it was such a wonderful statement and such a lovely laugh, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt...

KHH: Oh darling!

NP: It wasn't quite enough for a hesitation and say you've still got six seconds Kit on a fool's paradise starting now.

KHH: That's because Nicholas is in a fool's paradise. He's had his senatragrin, he thinks he's on Bora Bora, being fed kumquats by lady boys...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Sorry, Bora Bora, is that repetition?

NP: Bora Bora is two words...

KHH: Is it?

NP: So it's a correct challenge...

KHH: I wasn't in the South Seas.

NP: So you get the benefit of the doubt there right and you have one second Paul, on a fool's paradise starting now.

PM: How lovely to be on this panel...

WHISTLE

NP: Right so Paul Merton was speaking then as the whistle went, gained that extra point, he's now gone ahead of Kit Hesketh-Harvey and then followed in by Gyles Brandreth and Shappi Khorsandi in that order. And Paul it's your turn to begin, my expenses. Sixty seconds starting now.

PM: My expenses on Just A Minute are truly huge. I get in fact an enormous sum of money which I do in fact, oh...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Sorry, in fact, in fact.

PM: Oh yes that's right.

KHH: Yes.

NP: He knew he'd said something which was quite fallacious about the, the fees...

PM: I beg your pardon? It's a bit early for that sort of thing, isn't it?

NP: Incorrect about his expenses, right, 53 seconds with you Kit, my expenses starting now.

KHH: I'm very aware that you the licence payer are paying for all this. And so I rode in today on Nicholas's private chopper, I ate the lark's tongues when Paul had finished with the rest of the beast. And I'm in a little put-you-up in Gyles's butler's pantry in his suite at Claridge's tonight. When... Shappi gets...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles has challenged.

KHH: To put you up with Gyles, it's just an awful awful image.

GB: There's no deviation, the bit about the butler's pantry is spot on.

NP: But the images he created of what went on there were just a bit overwhelming. Right Gyles, a correct challenge, you have 34 seconds on my expenses starting now.

GB: I came here on the Tube and I was late because there was this enormous sign at the top of the escalator saying "dogs must be carried on this piece of machinery", it took me 40 minutes to find one! It is humbling when you have to travel by public transport, but I understand the need for it. I applied to Mark Thompson, the director-general for a floating duck pond. I said I need it for research in case this subject comes up on Just A Minute where I am trying to behave in a very calm and rational way to show that my expenses must not include psychiatric bills. All of us in our time have been through a midlife crisis. For me this is a particularly acute one...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: I haven't actually.

NP: What?

KHH: Been through a midlife crisis. You clearly haven't, your face is unlined, serene.

NP: So what's your challenge?

KHH: Deviation, you haven't been through a midlife crisis.

NP: Did he say we all had been?

SK: Yes he said we've all been.

PM: So he said everybody had, yes.

NP: Oh, everybody has, yes? I don't know if I have or not. Could you tell me?

KHH: Unless you're having it now?

NP: Maybe it's coming. That would be great.

PM: It's a hell of a job if it's a midlife crisis coming!.

NP: Ah I have...

GB: It's an early life crisis, Nicholas will live forever!

PM: Yeah.

NP: Oh thank you. Right Kit correct challenge, my expenses is with you and there's only one second to go and you start now.

KHH: When Shappi had a...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kit was then speaking as the whistle went, gained the extra point. He's taken the lead again, one ahead of Paul Merton, and then Gyles and Shappi in that order. And Kit it's also your turn to begin, what a lovely subject here, one of my favourite authors, Scott Fitzgerald. Tell us something about him in this game starting now.

KHH: Oh dear, I know all about Scott Fitzgerald. I was in the musical that burned and crashed in the West End about five years ago. Well it struggled on despite the critics which is rather what Francis Scott Fitzgerald himself did. The America's greatest writer of prose probably, married to a complete lala called...

BUZZ

KHH: Oops! Is that a repetition of lala?

PM: Was she from Bora Bora? This lala, is that repetition of la?

NP: La yes.

KHH: I think it probably is.

NP: It is yes.

KHH: Yes.

NP: Paul, 44 seconds are available, you tell us something about Scott Fitzgerald starting now.

PM: My favourite photographer is F Scott Fitzgerald.

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SK: I, I, I don't think he did hesitate. I thought, he, F is a funny sort of letter isn't it. You can sound like you're stammering when you say an F. And I think that's what happened and I buzzed, and I'd like to retract it, sorry!

NP: Paul you have another point. You have 40 seconds, Scott Fitzgerald starting now.

PM: The great American writer of the 20s. Tender Is The Night, The Great Gatsby. He...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Repetition of great, unfortunately.

NP: Yes the great writer...

PM: Oh yes. Quite right.

NP: And The Great Gatsby. He came in on the title and the name. Right, 35 seconds with you Kit, Scott Fitzgerald starting now.

KHH: He married the beautiful Zelda Sayer, a daughter of a judge in Alabama who quickly took to drink and drugs as did he. He was a pretty boy of the jazz age. She in her cups accused him of having an affair with Ernest Hemingway which takes a lot of swallowing, I must...

BUZZ

NP: Go on, Shappi.

BUZZ

NP: Shappi you challenged.

SK: I did. I did, I, I, I, um...

NP: Hesitation, wasn't it?

SK: Yes I thought it was hesitation. And also, I, I would have happily had an affair with Hemingway.

NP: Mmmmm would you.

SK: You know and I, I felt yeah, I...

NP: I think you would have enjoyed Scott Fitzgerald more, darling.

SK: Do you think?

NP: Um well Shappi, I'm glad you were listening so sharply there. And you have 19 seconds, tell us something about Scott Fitzgerald starting now.

SK: Scott Fitzgerald is an...

BUZZ

PM: There was a little bit of a hesitation.

SK: Do you know, I don't know why...

PM: I'm prepared to let it go.

SK: I don't know why I find saying, I've had this all my life, I find saying Fitzgerald really difficult.

NP: Is that because...

SK: It's not just within this game.

PM: Don't start with that then.

NP: ... of your Iranian tongue?

SK: No, it's just throughout my life, it's been ah er it's Fitzgerald and the word porn or prawn, I find really, I have a mental block. I just realised that this is part of my emotional baggage that I brought to you.

KHH: Would you like to come home with me and watch some prawn?

PM: Is it king sized porn?

NP: Right...

SK: Let's not go that far!

NP: Right the benefit of the doubt to you..

SK: Okay.

NP: You can carry on...

SK: Scott... oh sorry.

NP: And don't even use...

PM: Don't start with it!

NP: Don't start with it.

SK: I won't! I won't!

NP: Go off with something else. This amazing American writer. Right and there are 18 seconds starting now.

SK: This amazing...

BUZZ

PM: Deviation.

NP: Why?

PM: She didn't start with Scott Fitzgerald!

NP: Give Paul a bonus point and you've still got the subject and another point for Shappi, 16 seconds, Scott Fitzgerald starting now.

SK: Scott Fitzgerald is not to be confused with Scott Baio who was ah playing a character called Chachi in Joanie Loves Chachi and was also...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Ah unfortunately it was a repetition of Chachi. I know it's one of those words that pops up in every day conversation all the time, but it was.

NP: There was a bit too much Chachi there, I'm afraid, yes. So Paul...

SK: I don't know what's the matter with me!

NP: ... you have another point, a correct challenge, eight seconds, Scott Fitzgerald starting now.

PM: Robert Redford starred in the film and he was pretty good, I thought. Mia Farrow played Daisy and she...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton with points in the round and one for speaking as the whistle went, has moved forward. He's now taken the lead, just ahead of Kit Hesketh-Harvey and then it's Shappi Khorsandi in third place and Gyles in fourth place. And Shappi it's your turn to begin.

SK: Okay.

NP: The subject is family get-togethers and there is no Fitzgerald in that.

SK: No.

NP: And you have 60 seconds as usual starting now.

SK: Family get-togethers always begin so well. You think "oh whoopee, I'm going to see my mum". As any lady in the audience will know, mums always give their daughters that beautiful unique gift of low self-esteem. At our family get-togethers my mother likes to say to me "oh Shappi..."

BUZZ

NP: Gyles challenged.

GB: I think we had a repetition of mother, we had mother...

PM: No.

GB: ... twice and mothers once.

NP: No we had mum and mums and now it's mother.

PM: Yeah.

GB: Okay right, quite right then.

NP: So an incorrect challenge...

GB: I missed a bit because obviously I popped out for a tea. I'm just catching up! It's a lovely show though, it really looks fun!

NP: Another point to you Shappi, and 43 seconds on family get-togethers starting now.

SK: The woman who gave birth to me, at family get-togethers likes to say to me...

BUZZ

GB: I'd like you to expand a little bit on that.

SK: Yeah I just realised...

GB: She likes to give birth to you at a family get-together! What a marvellous idea! Is this a sort of Iranian tradition? How lovely! Just tell us more!

NP: Gyles you're, you're hectoring her now.

GB: No I'm not, I'm not hectoring her.

NP: And taunting her.

GB: Really I'm not.

NP: All that happens is she gets another incorrect challenge, another point...

GB: Of course I like that, all of that, I want it.

NP: She's overtaking you in leaps and bounds.

GB: I know, I'm planning to lose!

SK: Gyles has my self-esteem not been shattered enough by my own mother, that you sit next to me now and criticise and criticise everything I say!

NP: Now listen Shappi...

SK: Yes?

NP: I haven't said start, don't go because you just repeated yourself. Listen there are 38 seconds, family get-togethers starting now.

SK: At family get-togethers...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: That was a yawning one, wasn't it.

NP: Yes it was a yawning one.

SK: Do I hesitate, do I, before I start? You see I didn't know that.

NP: Yes darling...

KHH: You're leading a mental blank for the word Fitzgerald which takes at least three seconds.

SK: You see I didn't realise I do that. That's obviously something I need to work on.

NP: No you've done it a bit but you did it in a major way that time.

SK: Yeah...

GB: Face it, you are playing with people who are not gentlemen!

SK: So can I... hello! Was that hesi... hello?

NP: No.

SK: I'm just going to try and practice speaking!

PM: When he says the time starts now, that's when you start.

SK: I just start speaking.

NP: I always deliberately say "and the time starts now".

SK: And then somebody...

NP: And then you go straight in, you see.

SK: Okay.

PM: On now.

NP: Everybody know it is going to come up like that so you got your breath in and then you come our with now.

SK: You know when you are recording your message on your mobile phone?

NP: Mmmmm?

SK: For people to listen to. Do you get that where it goes "you have to record after the beep" and it goes beep and you go (takes big breath) "hello this is Shappi". You might not say Shappi, but I, it's a bit like that. I always notice I go (takes big breath) before I do my message.

NP: Well I'd try and get out of the habit for Just A Minute, darling. So Kit you have a correct challenge, 36 seconds, family get-togethers starting now.

KHH: At Hesketh Towers on Valpougesnacht, we assemble. It's the... night when all the spirits of hell are let loose...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SK: It was a hesitation.

NP: It was yes.

SK: And also I'm dying to do that speaking thing!

PM: Yeah.

SK: Without hesitating.

KHH: Okay, no, you up and at it girl, go on! And with my blessing.

NP: The audience are watching with bated breath. You've got the system, have you, now?

SK: Yes I do.

NP: I say "and the time starts now" and that's when you breathe in.

SK: Okay. (takes big breath)

NP: And when... I haven't said it yet! You have 30 seconds Shappi, family get-togethers and the time starts now.

SK: My dad likes to get us drunk at family get-togethers.

CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE

SK: And we drink and we drink wine and I get very drunk and you see, I, I...

BUZZ

SK: I just...

NP: Ohhhh!

PM: There was a curious moment there where the audience hugely cheered when you said your dad likes to get drunk. And everybody went yes!

SK: I know, bless! The lovely audience applauded and then I panicked, and I repeated.

GB: Yes.

NP: I know.

SK: I repeated drink and drunk, but he did, we did drink a lot.

NP: Darling, don't go on, I mean, it's Gyles's....

SK: Yes.

NP: Let's get on with the game just now.

SK: Sorry Gyles.

NP: Gyles you challenged.

GB: Yes indeed, repetition.

NP: Yes you did right, 23 seconds on, oh it it, yes, 23 seconds on family get-togethers starting now.

GB: After a good meal, one can forgive anyone. Even families, said Oscar Wilde. These family get-togethers are fraught with danger. As a child I remember them well because of the presence of Auntie Gladys. Not a real aunt, a friend of the family rather too close to my father, I recall. But that is actually more a matter of family tragedy than get-together. It was the cause of the divorce, the breakdown, the eventual...

WHISTLE

NP: Let me tell you what the situation is as we move into the final round. Paul Merton is just in the lead, two points ahead of Kit Hesketh-Harvey. Then comes Shappi in a strong third position. Just behind Kit. And she's a couple of points ahead of Gyles Brandreth. Paul we are back with you to start. The subject is oh an interesting one, what I make lists about. Or if you want to speak correctly, about what I make lists. And you have 60 seconds starting now.

PM: I make lists about the things that Sir Clement Freud made lists about. For example, cheese, edam, brie, gauda, limeswold, served in many different countries like Germany, Austria, Australia, Sweden, Czecholsolvakia, Hungary, France, Greece, Ireland, the Republic of Somalia, Poland, Johannesburg, Scotland...

BUZZ

NP: Kit has challenged.

KHH: Johannesburg isn't a country.

PM: Is it not?

KHH: No.

NP: No.

KHH: Bless him, bless the great Clement Freud, something had to...

NP: You better cross it off your list!

KHH: That's right.

NP: You're quite right, it's not a country, it's a town, a city. Thirty-five seconds with you Kit now on what I make lists about starting now.

KHH: As a musician I am heavily influenced by Franz Lizst. Just one whiff of a campfire, and I get out my fiddle and thrash a quick shahdash at my audience. Or prop myself down beside the Bechstein and toss off a fantasy impromptu as soon as anyone. I... (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

NP: Paul.

PM: Well he was talking about tossing off a fantasy, then he looked at you and his eyes glazed over and it was hesitation.

NP: Yes it was.

KHH: I could feel the gypsy in me!

NP: I think he was somewhat inhibited by the way you were looking at him Paul, you were sitting close beside him. But it was a correct challenge, 18 seconds Paul, what I make lists about starting now.

PM: It's important when you go shopping to make a list so that you know exactly what you are going to buy. For example, eggs, bread, milk...

BUZZ

PM: Johannesburg! Johannesburg!

NP: And so Gyles you challenged first.

GB: Yes there was a hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation yes. Don't say it with such surprise Gyles.

GB: Well no I'm just trying to you know, make up for clearly some misdemeanour on my part earlier. That's all.

KHH: It's teeming with therapy in this edition, isn't it.

NP: Yes well you have eight seconds and a correct challenge.

GB: Good!

NP: What I make lists about starting now.

GB: I make lists about my hopes and dreams, my aspirations. And one of the greatest of them is to come last in Just A Minute, and do so, and make people like me more...

WHISTLE

Well as I said that was to be the last round. And Gyles honestly, his modesty is overwhelming. But he did actually finish last. No he finished in third place alongside Shappi Khorsandi, they're both in a very strong third place. They were just a few points behind Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And he was only two points behind the man who was out in the lead, Paul Merton, so we say Paul, this week you are our winner! It only remains for me to say thank you to these four delightful players of the game, Paul Merton, Kit Hesketh-Harvey, Gyles Brandreth and Shappi Khorsandi. I thank Sarah Sharpe who has helped me with the score, blown her whistle most elegantly. We are grateful to our producer Claire Jones. We are deeply indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. We are grateful to this lovely warm responsive audience here in the Radio Theatre who have cheered us on our way with charm and eclan. And so from our lovely audience, and from our lovely panel, and from me, Nicholas Parsons, tune in the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC