starring PAUL MERTON, TIM RICE, CHRIS NEILL and ALUN COCHRANE, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 13 August 2007)

NOTE: Charlotte Davies's last appearance blowing the whistle.

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!


NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome our many listeners in this country and of course throughout the world. But also to welcome to the programme four exciting, talented and extrovert players of this game. It's a great pleasure always to welcome back, sitting on my right, that wonderful outstanding and popular comedian Paul Merton. And seated beside him we have a young comedian who is making a great name for himself, so we welcome Alun Cochrane. And seated on my left, we have that master of lyrics and musical comedy shows and a dedicated cricket follower, that is Tim Rice. And beside him, we sit another engaging comedy performer and producer, Chris Neill. Would you please welcome all four of them! And as usual I will ask them to speak on a subject I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. Beside me sits Charlotte Davies who is going to help me keep the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the delightful Everyman Theatre in that really beautiful town of Cheltenham in the heart of Gloucestershire. And we have a wonderful Gloucester audience here just eager for us to get going. Oh and Paul, we�d like you to start the show, and what a lovely topical subject, the Cheltenham Gold Cup. Can you speak on that subject, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

PAUL MERTON: The Cheltenham Gold Cup is one of the oldest races in the racing calendar. In fact Cheltenham is full of Irish people I'm told, when it comes round for the Gold Cup season. And what they do is they come to the stations, they stand around in bus queues, they basically eat... oh...


NP: Tim you challenged.

TIM RICE: I think there was a hesitation.

NP: It was a hesitation. So Tim you have a point for a correct challenge, you take over the subject, there are 47 seconds available, it's the Cheltenham Gold Cup with you starting now.

TR: The Cheltenham Gold Cup dates back about 200 years. It has been won by many distinguished horses such as Make A Stand, Red Rum, Green Brandy, Yellow Whisky, Blue Beer...


NP: Chris challenged.

CHRIS NEILL: I'm not sure which ones are wrong, but... I would suggest that they're not all right.

NP: They're not all right, no, no there was no Green Whisky, I know for sure. Red Rum was there. It was a nice try Tim, but no, I agree with you, deviation so...

CN: That's it yeah.

NP: Chris you have a point and you have 35 seconds, the Cheltenham Gold Cup starting now.

CN: The Cheltenham Gold Cup is a horse race which is where horses start at the same time all next to each other. And then they run and blimey, it's exciting...


NP: Tim you've challenged.

TR: There was a definite hesitation there.

NP: It wasn't definite but it was enough.

CN: I think I'm with Nicholas on that one, it wasn't definite at all! Yes!

NP: But enough for me to grant you a hesitation Tim, another point for you and 26 seconds, the Cheltenham Gold Cup starting now.

TR: The...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Hesitation.

NP: Or should we say retaliation?

CN: Yeah.

NP: No he didn't hesitate enough. But I'll tell you what Chris, to be fair, the audience enjoyed your interruption...

TR: Not all of them!

NP: ... so we give you a bonus point for that...

CN: They did over there! They loved it!

TR: That chap up there...

CN: He hated it, but I'm ignoring him!

TR: He left in disgust!

NP: Anyway Tim so you have another point, you've got the subject, 25 seconds, the Cheltenham Gold Cup starting now.

TR: The entire town of Cheltenham, if not the complete county of Gloucestershire comes to a grinding halt when this magnificent event takes place. In the spring, in March, or possibly in April if it's a certain time of... oh...


NP: Paul you challenged.

PM: Narcolepsy!

NP: Ah yes.

PM: He suddenly fell asleep in the middle of it!

NP: Hesitation.

PM: Hesitation.

TR: I brought myself to a halt.

PM: Yes.

NP: It's, it's obviously a challenging subject for all of you. But the um, there are 11 seconds for you Paul, the Cheltenham Gold Cup starting now.

PM: Well one of my fondest pieces of memorabilia is from here indeed, Cheltenham. The Gold Cup, as it was originally called back in 1876, was stolen by my grandfather from the jewellers windows. And I should say this now, the police are still...


NP: In this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point, and on this occasion it was Paul Merton. He's alongside Tim Rice in the lead and then Chris Neill and then Alun Cochrane. But Alun hasn't spoken yet so he couldn't have got any points could he.


NP: Could we give him a bonus point for hello? I don't know. Anyway Tim would you take the next round, the subject is cold feet. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

TR: I could talk for a long time about penguins on this subject. But I would rather talk about a fantastic band called Cold Feet which was a combination of Coldplay...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: It was a repetition of talk about.

NP: Yes, I'd rather talk about...

TR: Yes I admit that, I thought...

NP: Yes so there was a repetition, well listened Paul...

TR: ... you'd not spot that one.

NP: And you've got in with 51 seconds to go on cold feet starting now.

PM: Cold feet could be down to poor circulation, or simply the inability to do something. You've got to rush towards life, grab it by the throat until it's absolutely dead, and throttled. And then you can say to yourself oh I have got cold feet no more, I have got in fact hot...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Ah two haves.

NP: I have got yes.

PM: Yes, yeah.

NP: So a point to you Chris and the subject...

PM: It's more of a catchphrase with me really.

NP: Thirty-seven seconds Chris, cold feet starting now.

CN: My old grandmother always used to say cold feet, warm heart. But she was a slightly dim woman, she, oh, er...


NP: Tim you challenged yes?

TR: Well apart from the rather tasteless rather vicious attack on a sweet relative, you also...

CN: You know nothing of her!

TR: All right.

NP: Anyway you're not there to pass comment on other people's things, what is your challenge within the rules...

TR: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation.

TR: A stumble, he stumbled.

NP: Yes a stumble becomes hesitation, 30 seconds are available Tim for cold feet starting now.

TR: Cold feet usually means that one is frightened of something, unable to get to grips with a situation, scared to move into a new region of life. This happens to us all and we should not be ashamed. We should immediately dash down to... I said two we shoulds and no-one spotted it...


NP: Alun, Alun you challenged.

AC: Well I think it was a hesitation and also he...

NP: No he repeated we should,

AC: Oh he repeated we should? Yeah. All right fair enough.

NP: So you very cleverly got in...

AC: I can't help but feel assisted there! It's wonderful! It sounds harder than this on the radio!

NP: Sixteen seconds available for you Alun on cold feet starting now.

AC: If I were to ever to propose to a lady, I wouldn't buy her a wedding ring. I would simply buy her some thermal socks in order to avoid her standing me up at the altar, and the excuse of cold feet. If you've got thermal socks, that's...


NP: It's a tough game Alun.

AC: Yes, life's cruel.

NP: And Chris has got in with three seconds to go on cold feet starting now.

CN: Tim Rice and I were going to have a torrid affair, but then I got cold feet...


NP: So Chris Neill speaking as the whistle went, got the extra point, and other points in the round. He's now taken the lead actually ahead of Tim Rice and Paul Merton in that order. Alun's coming up behind and Alun will you take the next round. The subject is the school of hard knocks. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

AC: I attended the School of Hard Knocks, followed by the University of Life where I was expelled for bad behaviour. And I also attended the cr�che for people with...


NP: Tim challenged yes?

TR: Two attendeds.

NP: So Tim you've got in with 50 seconds on the school of hard knocks starting now.

TR: When I was younger, so much less old than I am today, I never needed anybody's help in any way. But now...


NP: Alun?

AC: Surely you did?

TR: I was getting round to hard knocks. I was saying that when I was young, I was able to cope with everything. And now I'm clapped out and over the hill, life's pretty tough!


CN: I have to say that's the kind of statement that goes down quite well in Cheltenham, doesn't it!

NP: I think I must say, it's a very difficult one to judge, but I give the benefit of the doubt to Alun, but I will try and redress it later on with you Tim, if you don't mind.

TR: Oh.

NP: So there are 42 seconds for you Alun on the school of hard knocks starting now.

AC: Merfield High School is now known as Free Grammar, but actually it's the school of hard knocks. When I was there Osama Bin Laden was a supply teacher, who was sent home because of stress-related disorder. When the school meals were served, it was actually Gordon Ramsay and he got angry, er, they weren't very good...


AC: Oh!

NP: Chris.

AC: You can't say er, can you? That's the rule.

CN: Er um hesitation.

NP: Yes it's a tough one, but it's right Chris, so you got the subject, 23 seconds, the school of hard knocks starting now.

CN: The school of hard knocks or as it's also known, Cheltenham Ladies College is a place where people have to strive to find their place in the world. I said place twice.


NP: I know, Paul challenged.

PM: He said place three times.

NP: Yes he has, so Paul you've got a correct challenge, another point, 13 seconds, the school of hard knocks starting now.

PM: It's a phrase used by people who perhaps didn't have the university education...


NP: Tim challenged.

TR: I thought he stumbled there.

NP: No he didn't, he was going well with fluency.

TR: I thought you were going to give me the benefit of the doubt next time.

NP: No! I will when I think you deserve it.

TR: Oh fine, okay, as long as we know where we are, that's fine.

NP: You're fighting for that one there.

AC: Can I have the benefit of the doubt please?

NP: I've given you one already.

AC: Okay.

NP: Yes. Tim's waiting for his, he'll probably get it. But Paul...

PM: Can I have a cappuccino? Instead of the benefit of the doubt.

NP: No, you can have 10 seconds on the school of hard knocks starting now.

PM: So when you go through life and the various knocks come towards you, you learn from your setbacks, that's what the phrase means. Instead of perhaps being at some glorious...


NP: Tim challenged.

TR: Repetition of phrase. He used phrase in the previous chunk.

NP: Ah he did.

TR: Yes.

NP: When he was speaking before...

TR: Yes.

NP: ... he used the word phrase.

PM: I don't think I said it once, did I?

TR: All right...


PM: Is there a train coming?

NP: I think the audience are coming towards us, I don't know! I thought you said phrase before, but it doesn't really matter.

PM: Shall we go down the pub then?

NP: Tim we give you a benefit of the doubt on that one and a point...

TR: Good decision! Good decision!

NP: But Paul keeps the subject and he's got one second, the school of hard knocks starting now.

PM: Bang they say...


NP: So Paul was speaking as the whistle went, got an extra point, and with others in the round he has taken the lead, just one ahead of Chris Neill, who is one ahead of Tim Rice, who is two ahead of Alun Cochrane. And Paul we're back with you to begin, the subject is I spy. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

PM: It was a popular television series in the 1960s starring Robert Culp and er...


PM: ... Bill Cosby.

NP: Yes right.

TR: I'm afraid there was an er...

NP: There was an er.

TR: ... as he grappled with the information.

NP: Yes, Tim you got in with 52 seconds on I spy starting now.

TR: Going back to an era which perhaps only our esteemed and brilliant chairman and I can remember, there was an establishment in The News Chronicle paper called I Spy. In which you sent off things you had spotted to Big Chief I Spy, and he rewarded you, bizarrely, with a feather of a different colour...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: More of a question, is this just rubbish?

NP: No!

TR: I Spy was a major... oh you ignorant fool!

NP: Can I ask you Chris, have you ever heard...

TR: I was getting carried away!

NP: Have you ever heard of The News Chronicle...

CN: Well that...

NP: No you haven't, obviously!

PM: Have you heard of newspapers?

CN: If we start on newspapers, I'm all right! Yes no it's not...

NP: The News Chronicle was a very famous newspaper and there was a column in it called...

CN: With a feather in it?

NP: No that was a prize, he established that.

TR: If you spotted things, you got feathers.

NP: You got feathers.

TR: You would have loved it!

CN: Do you look in my soul and see a man who likes feathers?

NP: So it was an incorrect challenge Tim and you have 36 seconds starting now.

TR: Of course I Spy is a children's game which is perhaps the very first pastime you get a grip on as a toddler or nipper. I spy with my little eye something beginning with A.


CN: Audience!

TR: Well done!

CN: That was right?

NP: That was, that was lovely, that was lovely Chris. But we're not playing I Spy, we're playing, we're playing Just A Minute. But I'll tell you what, we'll give you a bonus point because we all enjoyed your interruption. But Tim was interrupted so he has 24 more seconds if he wants them, to continue on I Spy starting now.

TR: I Spy, what a terrific occupation that was. In the back of the car, I remember my father as we sped down the A1 or sometimes the A2...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Repetition of A, he said A and...

TR: Well hang on, A1, it�s not A, it�s A1.

NP: No no.

TR: A2.

NP: And it's written separately, A.

TR: Yeah.

CN: A1 is written A-one.

TR: No no.

NP: Yeah I agree with you Chris.

TR: Come outside with me and look!

NP: Don't bother to argue, I know what I'm going to say, Chris you have a correct challenge.

CN: Thank you Nicholas, you are very wise.

NP: Fifteen seconds, I spy starting now.

CN: If you were to ask an employee of GCHQ which is fairly near here, they might say, to the question, what do you do for a living, I spy.


NP: Alun you challenged then.

AC: Well they might not. They could well work in the kitchen.

PM: Shepherd's pie!

NP: They might not yes. But I tell you what Alun, what we do there, we enjoyed the interruption, we give you a bonus point for that. But of course Chris did say they mighty say I spy, I work in the GCHQ. So Chris another point to you, and gosh, you've only got one second left, I spy, starting now.

CN: I spy...


NP: Chris Neill was then speaking as the whistle went, gained the extra point, and he has moved forward in that round. I spy was his subject, wasn't it. And he's now two ahead of Paul Merton and Tim Rice, they're equal in second place and then Alun Cochrane. Tim...


NP: Well someone's got to be fourth! And it's a brilliant fourth actually, it's the best fourth we've had for a long time. And Alun Cochrane take the next round please, the subject is the average household. Tell us something about the average household if you can in this game starting now.

AC: The average household is a phrase used by people to describe what a typical family uses up in a say, a normal... week...


NP: Chris you challenged.

CN: Well it's probably not, is it. It's just rubbish.

NP: No you can't have him for deviation, I mean he was talking perfect... I mean you can keep going in Just A Minute with any kind of rubbish you like.

PM: You can't start having rubbish as a challenge, can you?

CN: No.

NP: No no.

PM: You'd never keep going.

NP: You could have had him for hesitation but it's too late now.

CN: Hesi... oh!

NP: It's gone now, no. Alun you have another point because you can use whatever rubbish you want to keep going. Right, 52 seconds, the average household starting now.

AC: The average household has two bedrooms, one kitchen, a bathroom, a living room, and various other areas...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: No front door?

AC: I was coming up to that.

PM: Oh he was coming up to the front door, okay, I withdraw my challenge, he's coming up to the front door.

NP: Once you've interrupted, you know, you've stopped his flow, he gets a point for an incorrect challenge.

PM: I was wondering about the front door, that's all.

NP: I know you were and we loved it, 44 seconds Alun, the average household starting now.

AC: An integral part of any average household is a front door. A garage, a budgie, two point four...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: No windows? He could be coming to that, he was coming to that.

AC: I was just coming to it, yeah.

PM: I withdraw my challenge.

NP: You can't withdraw it. We give you a bonus point Paul, because we enjoyed the interruption., But Alun you get a point because you were interrupted and you keep the subject, 37 seconds, the average household starting now.

AC: The best part of any average household...


NP: Tim challenged.

TR: Two parts.

AC: Oh!

NP: Yes you had the part before, best part.


NP: You haven't won...

CN: Here they come again!

NP: You haven't won any friends with your challenge Tim. But it was correct and you have 35 seconds, the average household starting now.

TR: What is the average household, I hear you cry...


NP: Alun's challenged.

AC: I was just telling you before you interrupted.

NP: So Alun they enjoyed that interruption, you get a bonus point for that. But Tim was interrupted so he gets a point and he has 33 seconds for the average household starting now.

TR: I maintain, controversially perhaps, that there is no such thing as the average household. It is extremely difficult to nail down accurate figures or statistics proving that so-and-so is...


TR: All one word!

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Is that all one word?

TR: Of course.

CN: So-and-so?

TR: Yeah! It's like A1!

CN: Oh!

NP: No, it isn't, it's so and so, so they're...

TR: So hyphen and hyphen so.

CN: It's hyphenated, isn't it.

NP: No! No it's...

CN: It is hyphenated, isn't it?

NP: It's separated by an and, so and so.

CN: Yeah it's got hyphens so...

TR: You're for my point now!

CN: I'm supporting him, I'm...

PM: Doesn't a hyphen usually take the place of the and?

NP: What?

CN: It wouldn't be so-so.

NP: So-so, that would be a Chinese takeaway, wouldn't it.

TR: So-and-so, it's one word, please.

NP: No listen, I don't know why you're arguing against me, because I'm supporting you on this.

CN: Because I'm a decent fair kind of person actually yes.

NP: Well I would say...

CN: But no, he was wrong!

NP: Yes I agree so 19 seconds for you Chris on the average household starting now.

CN: The average household, a few years ago, would have two point four children which is a particularly awkward number when you're buying bunk-beds! I find, parents would be there...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: We did have er.

NP: Yes we had an er there.

CN: Yeah.

NP: Hesitated, Paul you're back in with the average household, no, with the subject of the average household, and there are nine seconds starting now.

PM: The average household if you look at it generally consists of these things, windows of course, front door absolutely essential. But then you've got bedroom, bathroom...


NP: So Paul has again maintained his lead with an extra point and others in the round. And it's the same sequence actually again, Chris Neill, Tim Rice and Alun Cochrane in that order. But Alun's creeping up on the others, not far behind. Chris your turn to begin, the subject now is fruit cake. Tell us something about...


NP: There's nothing funny in the subject, I'm sure you'll make it funny Chris, starting now.

CN: How appropriate to be given the subject fruit cake. Let's think of the things that go into it, raisins, sultanas, currants, other dried fruit, possibly figs, peaches, various nuts, walnuts, cob nuts, almonds...


NP: Tim challenged.

TR: Too many nuts.

NP: Too many nuts.

CN: Cob nuts and walnuts are one word.

NP: No but...

TR: No they're not, A1.

CN: You don't spell walnuts as... walnuts is one word, isn't it.

TR: Cob nuts is two words.

CN: Cob nuts is not two words.

TR: It is!

CN: It isn't!

NP: It is two words. You challenged on what basis?

TR: Too many nuts.

NP: No there weren't...

TR: Repeating nuts, repetition of nuts.

NP: He said walnuts and cob nuts.

TR: But before that he said several kinds of nuts such as...

NP: You're right, all right, he did say several kinds of nuts. Tim...

TR: Blimey!

NP: You got in with 45 seconds... the whole thing's getting nutty!

TR: Stone the crows!

NP: Fruit cake is with you starting now.

TR: Fruit cake, this brings back such happy memories of a childhood gilded with privilege and cake (makes slurping noise)


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of (makes slurping noise)

NP: Yes I should explain to our listeners, for those who couldn't see, he was actually slobbering over the microphone.

TR: But it was all one slobber, there was no hyphens in my slobber.

NP: But a correct challenge Paul and you have 37 seconds on fruit cake starting now.

PM: In less enlightened days, it was a term used for those who were mentally ill. Look at that fruit cake over there, people used to say. But now we live in a better time where we can see that actually mental health issues are as important to us as they are to everybody else. We don't get ashamed if we break our legs so why should we be particularly bothered if we have a huge manic episode that involves killing a lot of people? No reason at all! The best thing to look forward to in this day and age, I think without any doubt, and I'm...


NP: Tim challenged.

TR: I think two ages, he said an earlier age and then this day and age.

PM: Earlier age? I don't know.

NP: No, nor do I know.

PM: Repetition. Is anybody taping this?

NP: I was so, I was so, I was so carried away with what you were saying. In this day and age and yes, you did repeat that, I've just remembered now. It's gone... But it all, it all goes, seeps into my subconscious and I have to do a quick replay, you see, like that...

CN: Think of the word silt.

NP: I used to like you, you know. Tim correct challenge, 11 seconds, fruit cake starting now.

TR: It is extremely difficult to encapsulate in a mere 11 seconds the magic, the wonder, the mystery of...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: To encapsulate bleurgh bleurgh seconds.

NP: I didn't understand it either Tim.

CN: No.

NP: So I think I'll give Chris the benefit of the doubt.

TR: The audience understood every word, they were hanging on them.

NP: Did you? Did you understand it?


CN: Listen to that word no come resoundingly...

NP: Must be a funny language they speak in Cheltenham then. Now the audience, you've given me a difficult one. I'll give them both a point and Tim you keep the subject and there are 10 seconds starting now.

TR: It's even harder in 10 seconds to get over the...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Repetition of seconds.

NP: Yes. You, Chris you've got in with seven seconds to go on fruit cake starting now.

CN: Other things you might like to include are brandy...


NP: Tim challenged.

TR: Repetition of include. I'm playing to win here!

NP: So Tim you listened well, five seconds, fruit cake starting now.

TR: We...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Repetition of seconds. I don't know, I'd just like to finish a subject once!

NP: If you get too keen, the whole thing doesn't finish at all. So...

PM: Do what I do. Go home and play it on your own! I'm not the only one that does that, am I? I've got little cardboard figures.

NP: Do you win?

PM: Oh every time!

NP: Right, three seconds on fruit cake Paul starting now.

PM: When I look down at my mother's face as she comes...


NP: Right so Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, has increased his lead. And we're moving into the final round, I have to tell you. Paul Merton has got a definite lead, over Tim Rice and Chris Neill who are equal in second place. But they...

AC: Where am I?

NP: You're, you're following.

PM: You're in the top four!

AC: Great!

NP: You're in the top four! Yes yes, in the top four which is pretty good in this game.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Paul it's your turn to begin so will you start with jumping on the bandwagon, 60 seconds starting now.

PM: It's always great fun spotting a bandwagon and jumping on it. If you look at the Arctic Monkeys, they had a particularly spectacular year, 2006, and lots of people who hadn't heard of them suddenly got into their music and were jumping up and down saying you look too good. It was fantastic, marvellous, brilliant material! And I also...


NP: Tim challenged.

TR: Billiant?

PM: Brilliant.

NP: Brilliant, I think, though I didn't get it clearly, it seemed kind of like brilliant to me. It came out. I think that's what he was trying to say. So Paul you have another point...

TR: Well he was trying to say, we're all trying in this game.

PM: I can't help it...

TR: He failed! He failed! He tried and... well done Paul!

PM: I'm lower down on the evolutionary scale, that's all.

NP: Forty-four seconds Paul, jumping on the bandwagon starting now.

PM: At the fun fair, my favourite ride when I used to go, was the bandwagon. I don't know if you're familiar with it, it's like a wagon with a band on it. It was also a radio show in 1939 called Bandwagon that starred Arthur Askey and Richard Murdoch. And I was very pleased to be appearing on Just A Minute for the very first time and I was sitting next to...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Repetition of very.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yeah very first time, yes right. So Chris you got in with 29 seconds on jumping on the bandwagon starting now.

CN: It seems in this game that when you talk about nuts, you're jumping on the bandwagon. Walnuts, cob nuts...


NP: Alun challenged.

AC: Repetition of nuts.

NP: I think we established that walnuts is one word and cob nuts is two so...

AC: Two different lots of nuts, he said nuts before it.

NP: I know, but not in this round.

AC: Just then! He said nuts three times in a row.

CN: Yeah all right!

NP: Did he? Right, okay Alun.

AC: The thing is I'm allergic to nuts.

NP: Well you now have jumping on the bandwagon and you have 24 seconds starting now.

AC: I love jumping on the bandwagon when it comes to nuts. I really like nuts...


AC: Ohhhh!

NP: That's the curse of this show, isn�t it.

AC: Yeah I think I was hypnotised by the concept of nuts.

CN: We've all been there!

NP: Seventeen seconds for you Chris on jumping on the bandwagon starting now.

CN: Jumping on the bandwagon, what a marvellous thing to do. As Paul says, it speeds along and you get your pace up, and there you are, you leap and you're on the back of that very bandwagon...


NP: Alun challenged.

AC: Deviation, they actually go really slowly, bandwagons.

CN: Not this particular one.

PM: They can pick up speed, bandwagons.

CN: Yeah. It was going downhill, I just didn't mention that at the time.

AC: it was on a steep grading.

NP: But he was deviating from English as we understand it. So Alun why don't you finish it, eight seconds, jumping on the bandwagon starting now.

AC: What I could tell you about jumping on the bandwagon would take exactly nine seconds, ladies and gentlemen, so I'll begin it this...


NP: Alun Cochrane finished that round and gained the extra point for doing so. And he's finished up in a magnificent fourth place. No no no... In other words, it was fourth place but it was magnificent. Just ahead of him in third place was Tim in a very very creditable and excellent third place. And two points ahead of him was Chris in a magnificent second place. But out in the lead, seven points ahead of Chris Neill was Paul Merton so we say Paul this week you are our winner! Thank you, it only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine players of the game, Paul Merton, Tim Rice, Alun Cochrane and Chris Neill. I also thank Charlotte Davies, who has helped me with the score, blown her whistle with such style. We are grateful to our producer Tilusha Ghelani. And of course we are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And we are very grateful to this lovely audience here at the Everyman Theatre in Cheltenham who have cheered us on our way. So from our audience, from me Nicholas Parsons, and from the panel, tune in the next time we play Just A Minute! Yes! Yes!