NOTE: Nicholas Parsons's 700th appearance, Janet Staplehurst's last appearance blowing the whistle.

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!


NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners, throughout the world. But also to welcome to the programme four delightful, talented, skilful players of the game as they try and speak on a subject I give them, and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And those four players are, seated on my right, Paul Merton and Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And seated on my left Liza Tarbuck and Chris Neill. Please welcome all four of them! Thank you. Beside me sits Janet Staplehurst, who is going to help me with the score, and blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Shaw Theatre, which is in the Bloomsbury area of northwest London. And we have a lovely mixed London audience, ready to start the show with Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And the subject in front of me, Kit, is the most eccentric person I know. I don't know who it is, talk on the subject, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

KIT HESKETH-HARVEY: Some would say Salvador Dali, tossing his ocelot into his swimming pool. Or Lord Byrne as he used to dye his fantail pigeons the particular colour of the tie he was wearing that day. Others might cite Dame Edith Sitwell saying her doggerel into her xenophone to bemused people, rather like these... at the Shaw Theatre in...


NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PAUL MERTON: Ah it was a slight hesitation.

NP: Yes that was a hesitation Paul, so that was a correct challenge, you get a point for that of course, you take over the subject, you have 41 seconds available starting now.

PM: A friend of mine in Swansea, Rod Connibear. He's a very good artist but he's undoubtedly also an eccentric gentleman. He once walked around the local shopping centre with a paper hat and a daffodil sticking out the top of it, shaped like a motorcycle helmet. But a remarkably good artist...


NP: Chris Neill challenged.

CHRIS NEILL: Oh it's just, it's really just a question. Where do you get a daffodil shaped like a motorcycle helmet?

NP: I think what he conveyed to me, with the daffodil and the paper hat...

CN: Oh I see, then the whole thing came together?

NP: ... it looked a bit like a motorcycle...

CN: Sorry.

NP: That's the way I interpreted it.

CN: No no no, you are right, it was a question.

NP: It was nice to hear from you.

CN: Hello.

NP: So incorrect challenge Paul, you get a point for that, you keep the subject, 26 seconds starting now.

PM: If I was to think of the most eccentric person I know living in London, then I think I would probably go for Nicholas. He is an extraordinary figure. He walks up and down Piccadilly every morning showing himself off in his striped blazers and his straw boater. He doesn't know it's been out of fashion for 65 years! And who is going to tell hm? He looks wonderful in his Oxford bags and his little moustache which you can’t see on radio, but it's there. A little black thing rather reminiscent of Hitler, but I can't say anything about it. He thinks he's Charlie Chaplin...


NP: In this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point and it was of course Paul Merton, in fact he's the only one to have scored any points in that round. Liza Tarbuck, will you take the next round.

LIZA TARBUCK: Certainly.

NP: The subject is back to square one. I think that has an echo of a television show you did once.

LT: Yes.

NP: And there are 60 seconds as usual starting now.

LT: This phrase reportedly hails from a grid that was published in the Radio Times enabling the listeners to follow the action at the football game and locate the ball. Labelled one to eight, the actual fact is that at no point did the announcer say "back to square one". Because in fact the square one was bottom right...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Was there a repetition of in fact?

NP: There was indeed yes. So Chris you've got a...

CN: Popular challenge!

LT: Is that invective? Grammatically, what's that called?

NP: You have a correct challenge Chris, and you have 42 seconds, tell us something about back to square one starting now.

CN: Back to square one, it's when I suppose you have to go back to the original thing and start all over again. Maybe something's gone wrong, possibly oh...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Yes possibly mmmm.

CN: Oh!

NP: And 32 seconds Paul, back to square one starting now.

PM: Well as Liza said, it used to be associated with this game that was printed in the Radio Times. But if it doesn't come from that, I'd like to know from her where it does come from...


NP: Liza's challenged.

LT: It will be my pleasure to tell you!

NP: Right and you managed to pick up the cue brilliantly, you were the first one to challenge, 25 seconds Liza, tell us more about back to square one starting now.

LT: It would seem that the... oh!


LT: I'll have to win it back.

NP: Hesitation.

PM: Hesitation yeah.

NP: Yes and you're getting more points with this one. Back to square one back with you Paul, 23 seconds starting now.

PM: I'd still like to hear Liza's explanation...


NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey challenged.

KHH: Deviation, errrrrr Liza, it was repetition yeah.

PM: Do you know anything about back to square one?

KHH: I have never heard of it before.

PM: Well Liza, she knows all about it!

KHH: Well let's hear from her!

LT: Oh Lord!

NP: So you're going to hand it over?

KHH: I'll hand it over.

NP: Kit you challenged first, very generous of you, Liza they've given it to you. Kit challenged so he gets the point because it was a correct challenge.

LT: Oh Janet's got that!

NP: Twenty-two seconds, back to square one starting now.

LT: The earliest mention of back to square one is in fact in conjunction with the name snakes and ladders. I have this on good authority but I have seen several historical parts of the game and the board date....


LT: Oh.

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

LT: Yeah it was, I've gone tight?

CN: Have you?

LT: Yeah. It's this draught.

NP: Do you want to loosen something before we carry on?

LT: No. Just stop that right now.

NP: Nine seconds Paul for you on back to square one starting now.

PM: If we think of our life as being a series of squares, we are now at say square 28, we can look back at our previous existence...


NP: So Paul Merton was again speaking as the whistle went and gained an extra point and has increased his lead. Chris Neill, will you take the next round, the subject is St Pancreas. Not very far from here but tell us something about that delightful building, 60 seconds starting now.

CN: Well I am fairly confident when I say that St Pancreas was the patron saint of cramps and headaches, but you probably all know that. But here in London, St Pancreas refers, as Nicholas alluded to, the railway station on the north side of the Euston Road, very near King's Cross. From there you can visit lovely towns like Luton, Bedford, Wellingborough, Corby, Derby, Leicester, Loughborough, Nottingham...


NP: Kit you've challenged.

KHH: Deviation on an epic scale, surely! Lovely places?

NP: That was, that was supposed to be sardonic humour!

KHH: Oh sorry!

CN: No it wasn't! It's true! I think Kettering's smashing!

NP: Well that's it, it doesn't matter. To him they might be absolutely delightful and lovely, to you they might not be. So it wasn't actually deviating within the rules of Just A Minute...

KHH: Sorry.

NP: So those lovely places, you can carry on with them Chris, 37 seconds. I apologise to anybody who lives in Derby, Crewe, Northampton...

PM: Why? Because they live there?

NP: In case they thought I was denigrating their lovely home towns. Chris loves them dearly and regularly goes to St Pancreas to leap on the train to have the experience of going up to Northampton. Um 37 seconds, St Pancreas with you Chris starting now.

CN: It's a beautiful building in which there's a hotel which I think they're renovating and they're going to open some time soon. It probably will cost a fortune to stay there, but it might be worth it. I know on those special days, they do, in this fair city of ours, where you can visit buildings which are normally...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Ah I was going to say repetition of building.

NP: Yes, because you said it was a beautiful building, no it's buildings and building, wasn't it.

PM: Yeah buildings and building.

CN: I'm glad you were listening, that's very decent, I have no idea...

NP: It's my job to listen, you see, so I did. Buildings and building, it wasn't repetition, 23 seconds, still with you Chris, St Pancreas starting now.

CN: Oh I'm so glad I've still got the subject of St Pancreas, I've got a great deal to say on it! As I mentioned before, he is the saint responsible for those nasty physical ailments...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: It must be repetition if you say "as I said before"! Must be repetition surely.

NP: But you know Paul, you have to keep going and sometimes you keep going and find different words to express the same particular thing. And he said "as I said before", that wasn't repetition, either verbally or any otherwise, and he did keep going. So Chris you have another point and you have er 15 seconds on St Pancreas starting now.

CN: Fifteen seconds on St Pancreas? Thank goodness there is enough time to let you know even more of the facts I have about St Pancreas. As I mentioned before...


CN: Oh no I said before!

NP: So Kit you challenged.

KHH: Sorry that was, really really was...

NP: Repetition of before, right, as I said before, right, Kit you've got in with six seconds to go on St Pancreas starting now.

KHH: He was a 14 year old boy martyr whose relics were presented to the King of Northumberland. It's day 32 in this palace and...


NP: Right so Kit Hesketh-Harvey speaking as the whistle went gained an extra point. He's in third place just behind Chris Neill who is just behind Paul Merton and Liza is behind them. And Paul Merton, it's your turn to begin, the subject is spectacles. Tell us something about spectacles in this game starting now.

PM: Curious thing, spectacles, I'm looking out at the audience now and seeing a charming bunch of people. I only have to put my glasses on and the reality is, oh my God! It's much better because it brings people into focus and where would we be without our glasses? We'd be somewhere but not sure where. We'd be stumbling around like Mister Magoo who is in the dark, bounding into various bits and pieces of furniture, not really knowing where we are. The glasses, they are...


NP: Liza challenged.

LT: Repetition of glasses.

NP: Yes, the second repetition actually, 35 seconds Liza, spectacles starting now.

LT: I used to wear glasses and I had bifocals in the bottom to help me read easier, just during my A-levels, and then I promptly lost them, because they were the most unappor... mmmm!


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

LT: Yeah.

NP: Hesitation yes Paul, spectacles is the subject, 60 seconds starting now.

PM: Think of two monocles glued together...

KHH: Sixty?

PM: ... that is basically what a pair of spectacles are. I have a rather peculiar prescription when I go to the optician because one eye is completely different to the other. This one here...


NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Sorry, was that, I mean he was doing a gesture which the listeners couldn't hear, maybe that was...

NP: No you don't hear gestures.

PM: There's a lot of people on the panel I don't like!

KHH: I thought it was teetering towards hesitation, but it may have just been dramatic effect. I don't know, chairman what do you think? You're so...

NP: It wasn't hesitation. It was something else which I won't tell you.

PM: Oh go on, tell us!

NP: No no. Otherwise you'll lose it, won't you.

PM: Oh okay.

NP: Because there's now only 12 seconds left and you still have the subject of spectacles starting now.

PM: It's beautiful at last to be able to see with 20-ditto vision. Fantastic, objects in the distance suddenly seem so close. It's remarkable. I walk...


NP: So Paul Merton was again speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, has again increased his lead at the end of the round, and the word he repeated was one. And...

LT: It was yeah.

NP: One.

PM: Oh yes.

NP: No-one picked up on it, right. I have to listen. So ah...

KHH: Don't look so glum.

NP: Mmmmm?

KHH: Don't look so glum about it!

NP: Well I was once, somebody said "you only guess, don't you?" I said how could I? There's so many people who can check on it and write in if I'm wrong. Right, where are we? Kit will you get the next round, the subject is my tactics for winning Just A Minute, 60 seconds starting now.

KHH: My tactics for winning Just A Minute are clearly less than successful. When confronted...


NP: Liza challenged.

LT: These are my tactics for winning Just A Minute! Butting in and getting a point! Just thought I'd try it.

NP: Oh right. Liza a clever interruption, we give you a bonus point because they enjoyed what you said, but it was an incorrect challenge so Kit has a point for that, keeps the subject and there are 56 seconds, my tactics for winning Just A Minute starting now.

KHH: Clearly less than successful when confronted with the...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: There was a repetition of successful I think.

NP: No I don't think he said successful. So Kit you have 54 seconds, my tactics for winning Just A Minute starting now.

KHH: When facing the mighty juggernauts of Paul Merton, Liza Tarbuck and Chris Neill. But for those who don't know Just A Minute is a game devised by Ian Messiter, in which one has to speak for Just A Minute without hesitation, deviation or repetition. So my tactics for...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Is it really necessary to explain the rules at this point?

KHH: They might just have tuned in!

PM: After 40 years?

KHH: There are young ones, little five-year-olds coming to it for the first time.

PM: Well this is true, this is true, but we've moved away from my tactics to describe the actual game, how the rules are played...

NP: I think I would agree with that challenge of deviation Paul.

KHH: Thank you.

NP: So you have the subject and you have 39 seconds starting now.

PM: It's impossible to really develop 100 percent sure tactics to win Just A Minute, because like the game of golf it is incredibly difficult. Just when you feel you are on top of the particular sport, you realise you don't know how to do it. One good way of doing it is to say a word that you've said before but add an S on to the end. So you suddenly say dogs for example...


NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: He's had lots of says.

PM: Yes indeed.

NP: Yes say yes. Well listened Kit, you have the subject, 18 seconds, my tactics for winning Just A Minute starting now.

KHH: You are allowed to say what's on the card. So my tactics for winning Just A Minute would be to reiterate and rehearse that sentence. (in screechy voice) My tactics for winning Just A Minute perhaps...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well deviation because if you just kept saying my tactics for winning Just A Minute, other than this round, that won't win you Just A Minute!

NP: No.

PM: It's only in this round saying that, so you can't say it's my tactics for winning Just A Minute saying I'm going to repeat my tactics for winning Just A Minute. Do you know what I'm talking about?

NP: I know! No there's abundant logic in what you just said Paul...

PM: Is there?

NP: Yes! So you have a point...

KHH: He's grasping at straws!

NP: No, it's correct...

PM: Absolutely!

NP: What you just said, it's a correct challenge and you have seven seconds for my tactics for winning Just A Minute starting now.

PM: If you can challenge somebody with just seven seconds to go, they will realise there is very little time left...


NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: There was realise before.

PM: No there wasn't, you're bluffing on that one.

KHH: No, on the golf thing.

PM: Was there?

NP: Yes you realised on the golf.

PM: There was yeah.

NP: Kit you've got a correct challenge, you have two seconds on my tactics starting now.

KHH: Janet Staplehurst...


NP: Liza challenged.

LT: I'm playing my tactics again! Two seconds to go, I thought it was worth a chance!

NP: So what is your challenge?

LT: I haven't got one.

NP: Haven't got one.

PM: You haven't got a challenge!

LT: Yeah!

NP: You haven't got a challenge, so that's her tactics for winning. But the audience clapped so...

LT: Yeah you know what, they're going to give me another point.

NP: Give her another bonus point because they enjoyed it.

LT: It's working!

NP: But Kit was interrupted so he gets a point and he has one second on my tactics for winning Just A Minute starting now.

KHH: Puts the whistle to her lovely lips...


NP: So Kit Hesketh-Harvey got many points in the round, including one for speaking as the whistle went, has moved forward into second place. He's still behind our leader Paul Merton, but a little way ahead of Liza Tarbuck and Chris Neill, equal in third place. And Liza take the next round please.

LT: Okay.

NP: A living legend, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

LT: Richard Attenborough and his brother David perhaps, Pele, Paul McCartney, Delia Smith, Shirley Williams even. Why talk about these living legends when, ladies and gentlemen, we are sat here with one of our own? Raised by...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Liza, this is just embarrassing!

NP: So Liza do you have a challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

PM: No, I blame Liza, you're lucky I said anything. Just press the button and get a point!

NP: No no, the response from the audience justifies a bonus point to you, but Liza gets a point for being interrupted, keeps the subject, a living legend and there are 47 seconds starting now.

LT: Sir Nicholas Parsons was raised by cats...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Well deviation, you're not knighted, are you?

NP: Not yet, no.

KHH: That's a hint, Majesty!

NP: But I think, I think she was only sort of speaking facetiously.

CN: Oh I don't think so.

PM: Are you not going to challenge the fact that you were brought up by cats? Sir Nicholas seems to be neither here nor there! It doesn't matter whether you've got a knighthood or not, the fact that you were brought up by a couple of tabbies!

NP: Chris actually your challenge was correct.

CN: Thank you. Oh sorry yeah.

NP: But Liza I don't think was speaking accurately...

LT: You just want me to go on because you think I might say something lovely about you! I know!

NP: But I'll be fair, show you how generous and fair I am. Chris...

LT: You'll give me five points.

NP: Chris you have 44 seconds, a living legend starting now.

CN: The minotaur of ancient myth and legend is reputed to have died many millennia ago. It's not true, it lives at number...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well this can't be a living legend.

CN: Well that's what I was going on to say, he lives at number four with his lovely wife Julie who’s a...

PM: But you said he died millions of years ago.

CN: Oh did I? I wasn't really listening!

NP: Paul your logic wins you the point and the subject, 37 seconds starting now.

PM: A living legend, I suppose, is someone who has achieved a great deal in their career. You look at the likes of Dame Shirley Bassey. This woman's been ah...


NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: It stuck in his throat!

PM: Well it's just you, collapsed with laughter, while I was making a serious case for Dame Shirley.

CN: I think it was one of Nicholas's furballs!

NP: Oh I'm never going to live down this cat image that he's got. Chris it's your challenge, what is it?

KHH: Kit. Um, no the ah, no it was hesitation.

NP: It was hesitation I agree, generated by your reaction actually.

PM: Yeah exactly!

KHH: My tactics for winning Just A Minute!

NP: Twenty-seven seconds, a living legend with you Kit starting now.

KHH: It's ridiculous to refer to Nicholas Parsons as a living legend. Legend he may be but the other, clearly not. A living...


NP: Ah Chris challenged.

CN: I know I'm coming to the defence of Nicholas a lot tonight, and that is my tactic for winning Just A Minute, but you're sort of alive, aren't you?

PM: The doctor said it was fifty-fifty the last time he looked!

NP: I think, I don't think I could be doing this show at the pace it goes if I wasn't very much alive.

CN: Quite right!

PM: Well willpower's a powerful thing!

KHH: Holograms?

NP: So correct challenge Chris, a living legend with you and how many seconds, 20, starting now.

CN: Oh...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Beautiful hesitation.

NP: Yes I thought you were having a sort of special moment then.

CN: I'll tell you what I was trying to remember, those, the tablets they give to cats when they're feeling down. And that's what scientists... I hadn't really thought about what...

NP: Were you trying to make another cat reference?

CN: Ah no, yeah, I was really. Yeah it's lovely when you see the mechanics of how it all works, isn't it. So now... right.

NP: So Paul got in on hesitation, 19 seconds, a living legend, Paul starting now.

PM: The extraordinary thing about Nicholas is he won't go through a door unless his whiskers fit exactly. If you wonder why, it's because in his house he's got a cat flap fitted around the back and his wife, she knows that once it gets past half past 11, he'll be out on the street wandering...


NP: Kit you challenged.

KHH: Sorry, the two pasts, past half past 11.

NP: Half past 11, yes, once it gets past half past 11.

PM: Oh yes.

NP: So Kit you've got in with six seconds on a living legend starting now.

KHH: A living leg-end can be very worrying when it's attached to your Sunday joint. All you can do is cut it off and get on with your brussel sprouts...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well again, I mean, if your Sunday joint's alive, if it's a living leg-end when you're trying to cut into it, it's clearly not cooked. The logic's all over the place here, it's deviation from logic. You can't have a living leg-end of a joint that you've just cooked.

NP: No...

KHH: Maybe where you live in Riding. I live in Norfolk!

PM: I drop my challenge!

NP: I don't think you should be so unkind to that beautiful county. I know it so well, live from that area! So Paul, a correct challenge, you've got in with one second on a living legend starting now.

PM: Nicholas!


NP: So let me give you the score situation points-wise at the end of the round. Paul speaking as the whistle went gained an extra point, he's gone into a stronger lead than he had before. And Chris Neill, would you take the next round, the subject is how to excel at gossip. I don't know if you are much of a gossip, but I imagine you could excel if you tried. But talk on the subject starting now.

CN: How to excel at gossip, the trouble with gossip is it is dependent on facts. Well, make them up I say. If you know a happily married couple, make out one of them's having an affair, it'll finally get back to you and it'll become true. What a smashing day that is when you hear that news. That's it really.


NP: Liza.

LT: I thought I'd better stop that before it got completely sad.

CN: Yeah yeah. I know yeah.

LT: I don’t believe it of you either!

CN: No I don't gossip actually, no.

NP: I think you were going down a route that you actually could not pursue.

CN: Yeah, no, I didn't like it.

NP: And 43 seconds Liza, how to excel at gossip starting now.

LT: A large address book, enough money for a lot of international travel and a very good memory, are to me the... ah!


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: She's forgotten what she was going to say!

LT: Yeah.

PM: Just after a good memory so hesitation.

NP: Yes hesitation.

LT: I'm rubbish at gossip.

NP: Thirty-six seconds Paul, how to excel at gossip starting now.

PM: Gossip is absolutely wonderful. I love to hear any kind of tittle-tattle about people, whether it's true or not. Apparently Nicholas was taken to the vet the other day, and so basically what happened there, it was a wonderful thing. Meanwhile over in Korea...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Was there a repetition of wonderful.

KHH: Yes there was, I think.

NP: Yes there was yes yes. It was too wonderful for words.

PM: Yeah.

NP: So 17 seconds Chris on how to excel at gossip starting now.

CN: Oooooohhh gossip! We all love a good gossip, don't we, chucking about...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Didn't he start with ooooohhh! When he got the subject first time, wasn't there an oooohhh?

CN: I think it was more of an ohhhh!

NP: It wasn't the same emotional effect.

PM: Okay.

NP: Right. So another point to you Chris, keep the subject, and 13 seconds, how to excel at gossip starting now.

CN: Yo gossip! What a laugh that is when you hear that! Oooohhhh we like hearing those...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of oooohhh!

CN: Oh yeah.

NP: That was yo.

PM: No no we had yo, but then we just had oooohh.

NP: You did, yes you...

CN: Did I? I don't know.

NP: The audience laughed and it nearly drowned it for me. So you were listening well Paul, how to excel at gossip, eight seconds starting now.


NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Sorry hesitation.

NP: Yeah there was, he opened his mouth but nothing came out. Seven seconds, how to excel at gossip starting now.

KHH: Sarah Brightman, the second Mrs Lloyd Webber, danced with the troupe Hot Gossip at which she excelled...


NP: Liza challenged.

LT: There was just a trip on the T so actually that was quite mean of me. Hot... Gossip, you went, Hot... Gossip.

KHH: It was a sort of emotional reaction to the image.

PM: That's how they pronounce it, Hot Gossip in Norfolk!

LT: Hot... Gossip.

NP: I think the thing is that it was just a bit too picky there.

LT: Yeah it was.

NP: We'll just ignore the whole thing and Kit you still have the subject and one second is for you Kit, how to excel at gossip starting now.

KHH: Always speak in the present vindictive.


NP: Oh so there we are. Paul Merton is still in the lead, he is a few ahead of Kit Hesketh-Harvey, and Liza Tarbuck and Chris Neill are trailing just behind them in third place. And we're moving into the final round. Kit Hesketh-Harvey, the subject in front of me Kit is mushrooming, a lovely subject coming from Norfolk as you do, I'm sure you've mushroomed a bit. But tell us something about the subject in this game starting now.

KHH: What better way to spend a September or October afternoon when it's warm and damp and moist and fungal, than to put on a big hat and get a knife because you mustn't let the spores get dispersed. Go into Fetford Forest and find those slippery jacks and la touse, balities...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: I'm sorry, I mean, he could just be making up words here, left right and centre. What was it?

KHH: I'm sorry, I was trying to work out what the plural of belitus was. It was Greek or Latin but...

PM: That could be me talking!

KHH: I fell over, I fell over my own mushroom stick!

PM: Hesitation.

KHH: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation we grant it Paul, and you have 43 seconds on mushrooming starting now.

PM: The Government recently saw fit to ban the magic mushroom. Which was a bit of a blow to Nicholas because he had a little stall in Camden town, didn't you. And...


PM: I can't say this on radio really.

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Oh was there, oh God! No oh, I thought...


LT: Hesitation!

CN: I thought there was a repetition of must but it became mustn't so that's...

NP: And you're not going to have him for hesitation?

CN: Absolutely... oh hesitation yes.

NP: Chris, 32 seconds on mushrooming starting now.

CN: There is nothing I like more than on a September morning than to put on a short sleeved gingham dress, sling a wicker basket over my hand and go out into the woods, picking big ones, small types and some as large as your hat, you know. Anything that's come up overnight really. You can get delicious types of things but you have to wash the ones... oh I said ones a number of times...


NP: Paul... why do you keep telling everybody about your... Paul you challenged.

PM: Repetition of ones.

NP: Yes, 13 seconds, mushrooming Paul starting now.

PM: You have to be very careful when you go out into the forests to pick your own mushrooms, as some are deeply poisonous. Take a guide, if not in book form, then somebody who knows what they're doing. I prefer to go mushrooming with the Archbishop of Canterbury. There's a person who...


NP: So Paul Merton brought that round and the show to a close with a flourish and got that extra point for speaking as the whistle went. I'll give you the final situation now. Liza Tarbuck and Chris Neill who did extraordinarily well, as well as the last time they were here together.

LT: I've won!

NP: No darling, you haven't!

LT: Oh!

NP: You did almost as well as you did last time. But that was a few weeks ago so I shouldn't refer to it. And you came in third place equal. You were a few points behind Kit Hesketh-Harvey who last time we were at the Shaw Theatre managed to win. But this time way out in front, many many points he scored, in fact he got a record 24 points.

PM: Yeah.

NP: I don't think anybody's ever got that before. A round of applause, well done! It only remains for me to say thank you to these four delightful players of the game, Paul Merton, Kit Hesketh-Harvey, Liza Tarbuck and Chris Neill. I thank Janet Staplehurst, for helping me with the score, blowing her whistle so well every time the 60 seconds disappeared. We also thank our producer-director Claire Jones. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this delightful game. And we are grateful to this lovely audience at the Shaw Theatre here in Bloomsbury who have cheered us on our way magnificently. From our audience, from me Nicholas Parsons, from our panel, thank you very much, tune in the next time we play Just A Minute!