JAM:PMerton,KHesketh-Harvey,LTarbuck,CNeill
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, KIT HESKETH-HARVEY, LIZA TARBUCK and CHRIS NEILL, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 6 March 2006)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome our many listeners, throughout the world. But also to welcome to the programme this evening four delightful and clever exponents of this show. And seated on my right, we have that very skilled and talented player of the game, Paul Merton. And seated beside him the very clever witty lyricist and performer, Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And seated on my left we have the lovely delightful actress, Liza Tarbuck. And seated beside her we have that exuberant comedy performer, Chris Neill. Would you please welcome all four of them! As usual I am going to ask them to speak on a subject that I will give them, and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And seated beside me is Janet Staplehurst, she is going to help me with the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Shaw Theatre, which is in the Bloomsbury area of northwest London. And we have a real Bloomsbury or a blooming audience anyway in front of us, who are dying for us to start. So we'll begin the show with Paul Merton. Paul, the subject in front of me is a rolling stone. Tell us something about a rolling stone in this game starting now.

PAUL MERTON: The pop group, The Rolling Stones, are very odd. They're all about five foot seven. You don't realise how small they are until you see them apart. Because when they're photographed together, you don't realise, of course, the scale, they all look the same. They could be six...

BUZZ

NP: Kit you challenged.

KIT HESKETH-HARVEY: Paul did say realise twice in the um...

PM: Oh yes.

NP: Yes there were two realises.

PM: Yes. I was shocked when I first saw them. They're like sort of little Borrowers!

KHH: Little Hobbit people.

PM: Yeah, little Hobbit people.

NP: They are, they are um, they are, their stature is less than average, isn't it...

PM: You used to be one of their groupies, didn't you.

NP: Yes indeed, I was, yes. In fact I'll tell you this. Their very first television show was in the programme that I did with Arthur Haynes.

PM: Yeah.

NP: And none of them had washed, it was very interesting! They made a fetish of it actually. Anyway, there are, Kit you had a correct challenge, so you get a point for that, you take over the subject, there are 50 seconds available, a rolling stone starting now.

KHH: A rolling stone can gather no moss proverbially, although a babyshamble can. And it's astonishing when you think of how Palaeolithic these old men are. Sir Mick Jagger waggling his bus pass provocatively at us, singing I Can't Get No Sematigen. I love Keith Richards, in particular, that waggish face...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Deviation, I don't think Mick Jagger's old enough for a bus pass yet, I don't think he's 65.

NP: No actually, you're right, he hasn't got his bus pass.

KHH: Oh Lordy! He'll get it then...

NP: So that's a correct challenge...

KHH: Well done!

NP: And you have the subject back, you have 29 seconds, a rolling stone starting now.

PM: When a poll is conducted amongst musicians, they often vote for Bob Dylan's Like A Rolling Stone as being one of the best hit singles ever released. Who can forget those words, (sings in Bob Dylan impression) How does it feel. (normal voice) Beautiful! I think Perry Como's version was in fact even better. When you look back at a rolling stone, you think to yourself there was a magazine, 1968, came out in America. The year just of mod Woodstock and er, I don't know what I'm talking about...

BUZZ

PM: I don't know what I'm talking about there!

NP: Kit! I love the blind confidence which you go on with.

PM: I have to actually get it off my chest!

NP: Yes! Kit you challenged.

KHH: I'm sorry, the mod Woodstock, I don't know what that was, it sounded like a kitchen or something.

NP: We interpreted it as hesitation.

PM: Yeah absolutely.

NP: So you've got the subject back again Kit, you have eight seconds available, tell us something more about the rolling, a rolling stone starting now.

KHH: Miraculously Bill Wyman ended up as his own grandfather-in-law when he married the luscious pouting...

BUZZ

NP: Chris Neill you challenged.

CHRIS NEILL: Was there a little hesitation there?

NP: I don't think so.

CN: No?

NP: I think he went with a certain amount of aplomb.

KHH: Oh okay.

NP: I wouldn't interpret it, but lovely to hear from you.

CN: Yes it's nice to be here.

NP: But it was an interruption, well, it was an incorrect challenge, so Kit you have another point for that, you keep the subject still, you have two seconds available starting now.

KHH: Keith Richards has no problems with drugs, just with the police...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking in this game when the whistle goes gains an extra point, on this occasion it was Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And you won't be surprised to work out that he is of course in a strong lead at the end of the round. Chris Neill will you take the next round, the subject is interior decorating. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

CN: Some months ago I had the words "Anne Diamond was here" tattooed on my stomach lining, and it looks lovely, although you don't often see it, apart from in a good light. Ah interior, oh no, that's a hesitation.

BUZZ

NP: Chris you've got to stop the habit...

CN: I know! I know!

NP: ... of when you make a mistake telling everybody!

CN: I know, I just, I know!

NP: If you keep going, if you keep going, they might not spot it.

CN: I know.

NP: And they might be generous.

CN: I know, it's...

NP: So Liza you challenged.

LIZA TARBUCK: I did for the hesitation. I was only actually after your thumb moved and gave me a clue.

CN: Yeah I know, I buzzed myself and Liza...

NP: So Liza...

LT: My Lord?

NP: You have the subject of interior decorating, there are 48 seconds available starting now.

LT: I've got a man in at the moment, giving my rear a lick. And when he's finished doing that, he's going to move into the kitchen...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: I'm...

LT: It's a painting and decorating term!

CN: It so is not a painting and decorating term!

LT: It so is!

NP: You've got a point for an incorrect challenge, you've got 43 seconds, interior decorating starting now.

LT: I didn't buy textured paint of course, so you can see where I haven't scraped it back. And it looks a little bit tatty, but we will fill it with a very well-known product which I won't mention. Inside, in the hall controversially I've gone for...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Is the well-known product Heinz baked beans? Just intrigued what this well, I mean, there may be people at home taking sort of home handy tips and if you're saying well-known product that could be anything.

LT: It would work though actually, texturally.

CN: It wouldn't last long.

LT: No.

NP: And then of course you would want to have a good old lick then, wouldn't you. Liza gets a point because she was interrupted, she keeps the subject, interior decorating, 31 seconds starting now.

LT: Instead of painting the skirting boards white, I've done it...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: I'm sure we've had painting twice.

NP: Yes you did, you had painting before.

LT: Clearly.

NP: Yes. So Chris you've got the subject back, you've got 28 seconds, interior decorating starting now.

CN: Recently I've been reading the blog of model, tireless charity worker and natural born beauty Jodie Marsh. And she has been working on having her house in Essex interiorly decorated. And she's avoided having scatter cushions and frozen things and instead has opted for a stripper's pole. It makes a home, I think! And you can...

BUZZ

NP: Liza you challenged first.

KHH: Deviation!

NP: Eight seconds, what was your challenge?

LT: My challenge was hesitation.

NP: I think it was a form of hesitation. Eight seconds to tell us something more about interior decorating starting now.

LT: I've papered outside areas and in the rooms I've put a lick of...

BUZZ

LT: Do you know I nearly said painting again, didn't I.

KHH: I'm sorry there was painting, there was repetition and hesitation.

NP: Well you can only have one but it doesn't matter. Four seconds, interior decorating with you Kit starting now.

KHH: (in Linda Barker impression) It's when Linda Barker starts talking in that awful voice that I want to...

WHISTLE

LT: Hear hear! (laughs)

NP: So Kit again was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, so he's increased his lead. Liza Tarbuck is in second place, followed by Paul Merton and Chris Neill. Kit it's your turn to begin, the subject now is the London Eye. Tell us something about the London Eye, particularly for those visitors to this country. Tell us all about it, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

KHH: It sprang up quite suddenly, didn't it. This colossal erection on the south bank in the Jubilee gardens at about millennium time. Personally I loathe it. It's a huge hit with tourists which get vertigo from staring down at the Houses of Parliament 500 feet below you. You can see Windsor Castle and hackney marshes which induces agoraphobia. Claustrophobia from sharing your pod with 18 French students who have done nothing but eat anchovies and garlic for the last week sleeping in a bedsitter. And it's staffed by the British Airways people so you get air stewardesses screaming "lakme" in a ghastly duet with you. The only time I ever went, thankfully it was raining so tremendously hard one couldn't see a thing. So I squatted on the floor and made a very...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: I'm just stopping him in the nick of time!

NP: So what is your challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

CN: Ah er was there a repetition of armchair?

NP: Um no there were no armchairs there?

CN: No.

NP: No I think he was keeping going amazingly well actually.

CN: He was.

NP: On that boring subject! And there are, another point to you Kit.

KHH: Oh thank you.

NP: The subject starting now.

KHH: And played a sterling round...

BUZZ

NP: And Chris you challenged.

CN: That was hesitation.

NP: Chris you had a correct challenge, you have the London Eye and you have 15 seconds starting now.

CN: I went on the London Eye once, and a guy was pointing north and rather proudly said "on a clear day you can see St Alban's!" Lucky us, what a treat that was! I didn't go again! It's situated, as Kit said before, on the south bank of London town...

WHISTLE

NP: So Chris Neill was then speaking as the whistle went, gained the extra point. He's now equal in second place with Liza Tarbuck. They're three points behind Kit Hesketh-Harvey, and one ahead of Paul Merton. And Paul will you take the next round, the subject is why opposites attract. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

PM: To understand ourselves we must experience the opposite. Man, woman. Talented, Nicholas Parsons. There's always a yin and a yang for whatever we find in the universe, black or white, antipasto and the same stuff that I mentioned before. If you bring the two together, there's an almighty explosion, that's what it's all about, opposites. How are we to experience what it's like to be in water, unless we've walked around on dry land. How will we know what...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged, no Liza challenged.

LT: How are we, two how are wes.

NP: Yes two hows.

PM: This is the major speech of my life!

NP: Thirty-four seconds Liza, tell us something about why opposites attract starting now.

LT: Why opposites attrack of course, I'm actually...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Sorry, was that attrack?

LT: Yeah it was.

PM: It's not attract, it was attrack.

LT: Yeah, look, respeck me guy, that narks me , I'll see you in Macdonal later!

PM: Yes.

LT: I'm just trying to rub the street off me so I can really play the game.

PM: Yeah.

NP: So what are you challenging then for because she didn't say attract.

PM: She said attrack, so it's deviation from English, she didn't say attract.

LT: Not in Stretton, it isn't!

NP: I think it's a bit, I think it's a bit mean.

PM: Okay.

NP: You've got 31 seconds, why opposites attract starting now.

LT: Jack Sprat of course could eat no... fat...

BUZZ

NP: Chris yes.

CN: Was that a hesitation?

NP: It was a hesitation yes.

CN: Yeah yeah.

NP: So you've got why opposites attract Chris and there are 29 seconds starting now.

CN: Being six foot three, broad shouldered and blonde, I find myself attracted to small dark-haired people. Similarly having 20 ditto vision, I often like people who have glasses, and ah on and on again...

BUZZ

CN: Oh no!

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: There was an er in there.

NP: There was a definite er in there yes.

CN: It was all going so well!

KHH: It was beautiful.

NP: Yes and the image you were projecting via radio was amazing.

CN: Well it was...

NP: You'll be getting the letters I'm sure.

CN: I hope so!

NP: Fourteen seconds available now with you Kit on why opposites attract starting now.

KHH: It's Darwinian, isn't it, the theory that you should spread your genes around which is incidentally rather a way of attracting opposites...

BUZZ

NP: Paul you challenged.

PM: A slight sort of hesitation there.

NP: A slight hesitation yes, benefit of the doubt to you on that one Paul, seven seconds, why opposites attract starting now.

PM: The hippopotamus and the mosquito, lovers in nature, who would have guessed it? As you see these two forms ambling towards you, you think...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point. He's now equal with Liza Tarbuck in second place behind Kit Hesketh-Harvey and one ahead of Chris Neill.

LT: Ooohh!

NP: Kit it's your turn to begin, the subject is over the hill. No, don't look at me like that! Sixty seconds starting now.

KHH: Some might think it was a little derogatory or pejorative to give this subject to me. But I prefer to accentuate the positive. I feel like Julie Andrews as I crossed the Alp and came down the other side, swinging around in my dirndl and running my fingers through my vaguely lesbian haircut, as I think all the trials of life are behind me. I am now like...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Deviation, most lesbians aren't bald, are they!

KHH: Julie Andrews...

CN: You may have an issue with lesbians, but that's very unfair!

NP: Yes!

KHH: Julie Andrews looks a tiny bit dykey!

CN: Oh she looks hugely dykey, yeah! I know!

NP: That's got nothing to do with it and you don't look anything like a lesbian, I must say! I agree entirely with your challenge.

CN: Yeah thank you.

NP: We'll go no further, except with you Chris, 41, 41 seconds available, over the hill starting now.

CN: Where I live in Camberwell, just over the hill is one of London's largest mental hospitals. How handy is that! What a boon, fantastic! On the other side there's not really a hill until you cross the river and then there is one sort of at Hampstead, and that leads up to Highgate, and then you go beyond that and there's Pars... no, what is that place...

BUZZ

NP: Kit you challenged again.

KHH: Was that hesitation? It wasn't really.

NP: It was hesitation, he just....

CN: It was a rather fascinating gazetteer!

NP: Kit, 24 seconds, over the hill starting now.

KHH: Nicholas Parsons has paid off his mortgage, educated his children admirably. He sits there in the sierra and yellow leafed (unintelligible), gently imbecilic with a smile on his face as he dribbles into his rum...

BUZZ

NP: Chris you challenged.

CN: Deviation, you're not over the hill.

NP: Thank you...

PM: Now hang on a second!

LT: Oh hang on!

PM: Hang on a second!

NP: But actually I'm not dribbling so that is most important. Chris you have a correct challenge, over the hill and there are 13 seconds starting now.

CN: I think increasingly society looks at people younger and that same word again as being over the hill when they aren't that old...

BUZZ

NP: Kit, no, Liza again.

LT: There's a light stagger there.

NP: A stagger which I would interpret as hesitation.

CN: Mmmm.

NP: So you tell us something about over the hill with five seconds to go starting now.

LT: I'm not quite over the hill but if I keep...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Well um...

LT: Thank you!

CN: Sorry, no, it's just really awful cheek now!

LT: Can I have his boner point? Bonus point.

CN: My boner point!

LT: I can't end my words today, shit!

NP: Well you get a point anyway for being interrupted so you've got over the hill, three seconds to go Liza starting now.

LT: If I keep the momentum up this week, by June I will be...

WHISTLE

NP: So they're all moving. Liza Tarbuck who hasn't been with us for a while but is doing extraordinarily well...

PM: She's on a surge.

NP: She's on a real surge here, yes, and only two points behind our leader Kit Hesketh-Harvey and three or four ahead of Paul Merton and Chris Neill. And Paul your turn to begin, the subject is how to spot a Londoner, 60 seconds starting now.

PM: Well they're the ones who aren't wearing the tourist "I've just been to London and my girlfriend bought me this T-shirt" sort of thing. The one time that I found myself actually the focus of attention from one of the gentlemen that runs these tatty little stores when as a joke I bought a hat that said "I love London" written on it...

BUZZ

NP: Kit you challenged.

KHH: Haven't we had I love London twice.

PM: No.

NP: Forty-one seconds, how to spot a Londoner Paul starting now.

PM: It's that grim determination to get through the day you spot in the true face of a Londoner. But how do you spot a true...

BUZZ

NP: Liza challenged.

LT: Two spots.

NP: Yes it's in the subject there, my love.

LT: Is it?

NP: You can repeat any word within the subject like that in this game.

LT: Thank you Nicholas.

NP: So Paul was interrupted and...

BUZZ

NP: And who challenged then, Kit yes?

KHH: There were two trues actually.

NP: It's too late now.

KHH: Oh is it? I'm sorry.

NP: So Paul you carry on with 34 seconds to go on how to spot a Londoner starting now.

PM: If you stand at the top...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: There were two trues earlier on!

NP: Well that is correct, but it would be very unfair to give it to you now when Kit challenged for it first. No I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll give you both a point...

KHH: Oh that's very nice of you.

NP: ... and leave it with Paul...

KHH: Mmm-hmmm.

NP: ... which seems a fair way to do it. So you both get a point, Paul gets a point, no, he doesn't get a point, he doesn't get a point for being interrupted, he keeps the subject, 32 seconds...

PM: So am I to understand I'm the only person there that didn't get any points!

NP: You were interrupted so you should get a point.

PM: Yeah I should really!

NP: Yes that's right, 32 seconds, my God how they fight for it don't they! How to spot a Londoner, 32 seconds, Paul starting now.

PM: Atop the British Telecom tower with a bottle of ink and just flick the pen as you do, and you will spot many a Londoner. But how can we spot a Londoner? We talk about people from Tooting and Hampstead, they're wildly different places and the population are equally distant from each other...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: The population is equally distant, isn't it. Isn't it a singular word.

NP: The population, yes is equally distant, yes it's a single.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yeah.

PM: Yeah.

NP: So you're challenging him on grammar, are you?

KHH: I am! Yeah!

NP: Maybe that's the way Paul always talks, I don't know.

PM: Yeah I got grade four English O-level to prove it!

NP: Actually I gave the benefit of the doubt to Paul last time so I'll give it to you...

KHH: Oh that's very big of you.

NP: I think that's only fair and generous...

KHH: Bend over backwards to share it around.

NP: Fourteen seconds for you Kit, how to spot a Londoner starting now.

KHH: Where I live it's very...

BUZZ

NP: Yes ah Paul?

PM: I'd like the benefit of the doubt! I think that could have been hesitation.

NP: The benefit of the doubt on what basis?

PM: Well I think it was hesitation.

NP: No no no, there was no hesitation and no benefit available on that particular challenge.

PM: Well when there is benefits available, can you put a signal up. Do a little hand signal so we know when we challenge there is benefit. Because some, it seems there is benefits available on some challenges, others have no benefits available.

NP: It's an arbitrary, it's an arbitrary matter which is interpreted according to the mood and actually the quality of the challenge.

PM: Okay. The mood of the challenge? Well we should do it by candlelight or something!

BUZZ

NP: Kit you...

KHH: Hesitation.

NP: You still have the subject...

KHH: Repetition!

NP: You still have the subject Kit, how to spot a Londoner, 13 seconds starting now.

KHH: Where I live in Norfolk, everyone's in the Range Rovers and the green wellies, not the souped up...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well I'm awfully sorry but this is clearly deviation because we're talking about the inhabitants of Norfolk, and actually we're talking about, the subject is how to spot a Londoner.

NP: I think it was a preamble into London.

PM: Oh do you really?

NP: But Paul...

PM: How interesting you should think that!

NP: Paul! Paul...

KHH: Oh she's getting hissy!

PM: I'm just playing around with the mood of my challenges! The next one will be Peter Lorre. (does Peter Lorre impression) You despise me, don't you!

NP: I'm about to illustrate how fair and generous and just...

PM: Are you going home? You're going home, are you? Are you going home?

NP: Oh gosh! Thank goodness I have a sense of humour and can laugh at myself. Right Paul, you have the benefit...

KHH: You're the only one listening to the show.

NP: You have a definite benefit of the doubt on this one.

PM: Oh thank you.

NP: And you have the subject and you have the point for that and you have nine seconds on how to spot a Londoner starting now.

PM: If we look at the A To Z Of London, you can think to yourself here is a fantastic guide to one of the greatest cities in the world. If you see a Londoner...

BUZZ

NP: Liza challenged.

LT: We had two if yous actually, and I am being pedantic because I've got to be!

NP: You haven't got to be.

LT: No I do at this point in the game I think.

NP: Right.

LT: Mmmm.

NP: Well you're quite right, there were two if yous so...

PM: Yeah. Yeah.

NP: The mood's gone completely, hasn't it! And you've got in with one second to go.

LT: How awful!

NP: I know! You've won no friends but you've got the subject and you have one...

PM: So you're lonely but you've got a point!

LT: Yeah!

NP: How to spot a Londoner, Liza starting now.

LT: A dark plain beefy...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Hesitation!

NP: No!

LT: Oh rubbish!

CN: I think I should be given the benefit of the doubt, at least!

NP: Oh go on, give Chris get a point, Liza gets one for being challenged...

CN: Do you know sometimes, sometimes in this game I feel like I'm on a Sunshine Coach!

LT: To Muswell Hill!

CN: To Muswell Hill!

NP: Right half a second Liza starting now.

LT: In every...

WHISTLE

NP: Well it's very close still. Kit Hesketh-Harvey is still just in the lead, two ahead of Liza Tarbuck. And Chris Neill and Paul Merton are equal in third place. And Chris, we'd like you to take the next round, it is going to the library. Can you tell us something about going to the library starting now.

CN: I can only assume we've been given this subject because very next door... very next door?

BUZZ

NP: Don't draw attention to it Chris, you might get away with it! Paul you challenged.

PM: Acute self-awareness!

NP: Hesitation repetition and deviation, yes, all three on that occasion.

PM: Yes.

NP: Um 55 seconds, tell us something about going to the library Paul starting now.

PM: Something I remember very well from my childhood, going to Mordern Library. It was a walk up a hill where hippos and mosquitoes kissed on the other side of the fence. And what a fantastic library it was, full of books as you would expect, fiction, non-fiction, hardback, and the softer variety as well. But the record library was the bit that fascinated me because you were able to borrow gramophone LPs, 33 and a third. And I remember actually getting out The Magic Christian, a film soundtrack that I hadn't seen the particular movie at that point. But what a fantastic piece of music associated with it. If you know the Paul McCartney song, Here It Is Come And Get It, sung by Badfinger, it appears in that very thing that I was talking earlier, the entertainment that you go to a cinema and it's flickering away on the screen. Another song that is used in it is Thunderclap Newman's There's Something In The Air. And I absolutely adored those two pieces of music at the time. So when I eventually saw the motion picture appear on my television screen, I was fascinated to hear the notes coming across through my television and I've said television four times and I've been speaking for two minutes, and I don't care!

WHISTLE

NP: A real, real tour de force, you get a point for speaking when the whistle should have gone, and a, and another bonus point because you kept going so magnificently for another 20 seconds after the whistle should have gone! And I have to tell you that we're moving into the final round so I'll give you the situation pointwise as we do that because I know a lot of people put a lot of store by this. I don't think it really matters. Chris Neill, Chris...

PM: It matters to us!

NP: Does it? No it doesn't, it's the contribution. I mean there's Chris in fourth place, but great contribution! Paul Merton and Liza Tarbuck, equal in second place, super contribution. Kit Hesketh-Harvey, slightly better contribution because he's in the lead! But only, not in quality, just in points.

CN: Absolutely not in quality!

PM: Let's not start talking about quality on each individual panellist!

NP: Right no...

PM: It could be depressing!

NP: Liza...

LT: Yes?

NP: Would you like to take this round, it's a girl's best friend, 60 seconds starting now.

LT: Traditionally a girl's best friend might be viewed as a diamond. There's one called the Hope which is a deep blue thing which is said to be hideously unlucky. And everyone who owned it from Marie Antoinette and the Sun King who was Louis The Fourteenth I think, came to hideous ends...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: I think there were two hideouses.

NP: It was too hideous, yes.

KHH: I'm so sorry.

LT: It's a word I love.

KHH: You see it's cursed, the Hope Diamond, you shouldn't go there!

LT: I shouldn't have been.

NP: No and Kit you got in with 44 seconds to go, tell us something about a girl's best friend starting now.

KHH: Men grow cold as girls grow old
And we all lose our charms in the end
But square cut or pear shape
These rocks don't lose their shape.
I think it's a ridiculous...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Was that a repetition of shape.

KHH: No it should have been shaped, it was my fault for not doing the diction properly.

CN: Yeah.

NP: That's right so Chris you got in on a girl's best friend with 35 seconds starting now.

CN: I was reading an article in a magazine at the dentist's the other day. And it said that a girl's current best friend is a thing called rabbit. I don't know what that is but apparently they're very popular and all the rage! Obviously it's nice to have a hutch in the garden with something furry! Oh!

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Overcome!

NP: Overcome. The thought of that smelly hutch in the garden and you overcame, a hesitation.

CN: Don't go there Nick!

NP: And you've got 21 seconds Paul on a girl's best friend starting now.

PM: It's usually a girl's best friend is her mother I believe. Of course it's up to the individual girl whether that would be her best friend. Some women have very strange relationships with the women that brought them into this world, and others get along in a marvellously fantastic way skipping down the lane. You can't guess that they're actually mother and daughter, they look like twins. How marvellous and it's that soap they use too...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Sorry was that a repetition of marvellous?

NP: Yes.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yes indeed so Chris you got in with a marvellous there with two seconds to go...

LT: Oh!

NP: .. a girl's best friend starting now.

CN: These days...

BUZZ

NP: Who challenged?

PM: Oh hesitation, wasn't that funny, just in the last second there, you wouldn't have thought that was possible but a little hesitation.

NP: No there was no hesitation.

PM: Was there not?

NP: So you've got another point Chris and you've got one and a half seconds on a girl's best friend starting now.

CN: One of my best friends is a girl.

WHISTLE

NP: Well what we can say for the final score, it's a very very even contest. And in third place equal were Chris Neill and Liza Tarbuck. And what a magnificent third place that was because they were only one point behind Paul Merton and what a brilliant second place that was. But just two points ahead, so a superb first place, Kit Hesketh-Harvey so we say Kit, you are the winner this week! Thank you. So it only remains for me to say thank you to these four delightful players of the game, Paul Merton, Kit Hesketh-Harvey, Liza Tarbuck and Chris Neill. I also thank Janet Staplehurst, who has helped me with the score, and blown her whistle so delicately after the 60 seconds. We thank our producer-director Claire Jones. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this game. And we are grateful to this lovely audience here at the Shaw Theatre in Bloomsbury who have cheered us on our way. Thank you you've been lovely, so from me Nicholas Parsons, and our panel, good-bye, tune in again the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC