JAM:PMerton,GBrandreth,JEclair,RNoble
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, GYLES BRANDRETH, JENNY ECLAIR and ROSS NOBLE, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 13 February 2012)

NOTE: Ross Noble's final appearance, Sharon Leonard's first appearance blowing the whistle.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners around the world. And welcome to the show four talented, exciting, dynamic, humorous personalities who are going to play Just A Minute. And they are, seated on my right, Paul Merton and Ross Noble. And seated on my left, Jenny Eclair and Gyles Brandreth. Please welcome all four of them! And as usual I am going to ask them to speak on a subject that I give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. Sitting beside me is Sharon Leonard, she is going to help me with the score, she is going to blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And we are going to begin this edition of Just A Minute with Gyles Brandreth. Gyles, the subject here is self help books. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

GYLES BRANDRETH: The title of the self help book that sits on my bedside at the moment is Hey That Doesn't Go There. It's a self help sex guide and I find it, it's something that my wife gave me for Christmas last year. It goes along...

BUZZ

NP: Oh Ross has challenged.

ROSS NOBLE: It's not a real challenge but I think I'm going to be sick!

NP: It's probably the only time you got a bonus point for saying you're going to be sick. But we enjoyed the interruption, but Gyles was interrupted so you get a point for that Gyles and you have 48 seconds available to tell us something more about self help books starting now.

GB: Nobody Likes Me And That's Probably Okay is another of the volumes that sits next to my little pillow...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JENNY ECLAIR: Sits next. He had um...

NP: Yes you did.

GB: Oh!

NP: Oh!

JE: Sorry Gyles.

GB: No that's fine, that's fine.

NP: So Gyles, Jenny, you've got a...

GB: I've got a book to help me through this rather difficult moment!

NP: You've got a point for a correct challenge, 41 seconds are still available, self help books starting now.

JE: Men Are From Mars, Women Have Just Got Back From Waitrose And Are Putting Away The Shopping. That's my favourite self help book. To be honest with you, never read one in my life. The fact I am sitting here gibbering inwardly, rocking silently to and fro, and in need of valium is beside the point. I can't stand the way that women are suckered into buying...

BUZZ

NP: Oh Gyles challenged.

GB: Repetition of women.

NP: You mentioned women before.

JE: Yes yeah.

NP: Yes that's 29 seconds with you Gyles, another point of course, self help books starting now.

GB: When it comes to self help books, you cannot beat the great book, the Holy Bible, which tells us in 66 wonderful books that the proverb, is the one that really takes me through, a little sleep, a touch of slumber, some folding of the hands to rest, I...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PAUL MERTON: Um, did he lose a bit of sense there?

NP: Yeah, the look on your face tells us exactly, that's what he did.

PM: Yes.

NP: But I think he was trying to establish the Bible, is in many ways, a self help book.

GB: It is.

NP: I'm going to be generous and give you the benefit of the doubt, because otherwise if anybody else gets it, they've only got one second left. And it wouldn't be fair, would it. So one second Gyles, keep going, self help books starting now.

GB: No eggs, rice, pasta or potatoes in my diet...

WHISTLE

NP: In this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Gyles Brandreth, and you won't be surprised to know Ross has got a point, Jenny's got a point and Gyles has got three points. Ross, will you begin the next round.

RN: Yes.

NP: The search for intelligent life, 60 seconds starting now.

RN: In Japan there is a robot that has learned English, which is ridiculous, because nobody understands what it is saying. What with them all being Japanese. They've had to give it ahhhh phrase book...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There was a bit of a hesitation.

NP: There was an ahhh there yes, I'm afraid so, yes.

PM: Yes.

NP: And you have 40 seconds still available, you've got a point Paul and the subject is the search for intelligent life starting now.

PM: They've recently built the world's biggest telescope and installed it in Chile, I believe, halfway up a mountain where you can see through the clouds. And they're already discovering all these extra galaxies that are like ours, that have a sun and planets revolving around them. It's inconceivable now that we think there is life on Mars. There's certainly the presence of water which would suggest that at some point in its past it was habitable. If that is the case, then the solar system is awash with H2O and the Moons of Titan as the radio waves cooooooo... that's not a word but it doesn't matter...

BUZZ

NP: Ross, you challenged Ross.

RN: Well he sort of challenged himself and I thought I'll ride on that, yeah.

PM: Do I get a point for challenging myself?

NP: Well yes but your light didn't come on, Ross's came on.

PM: Oh I see.

NP: So what is the challenge Ross.

RN: Well it was deviation from language and...

PM: On the other planets, that means something!

RN: And it was hesitation within the word, the cooooooo.

NP: All right, give you the benefit of the doubt Ross.

RN: Thanks.

NP: You've got the subject, you've got six seconds, the search for intelligent life starting now.

RN: I watched Big Brother recently in the search for intelligent...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Oh you got there just before I did! No, the challenge isn't going to work, so it's a wrong challenge.

NP: You were going to suggest there wasn't intelligent life on...

PM: But then that's what Ross said.

NP: Yeah. That's what Ross said, right. So that was all very exciting, wasn't it. Ross, incorrect challenge, you've got three seconds left, the search for intelligent life starting now.

RN: I built myself a giant rocket and lit it...

BUZZ

NP: Wait a minute, who challenged? Jenny.

JE: Myself, he's done that, myself, before.

NP: Oh yes you did say myself before.

JE: I'm really sorry Ross.

RN: Oh that's harsh...

JE: I know.

RN: ... but fair.

NP: And you've got in with half a second to go.

SHOUTS OF "OOOOOHHH" FROM THE AUDIENCE

JE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

NP: So Jenny, in half a second, can you tell us something about the search for intelligent life starting now.

JE: Don't come round my house because it's...

WHISTLE

NP: Paul will you begin the next round.

PM: Yes.

NP: The subject is things I throw away, 60 seconds starting now.

PM: It's very difficult to avoid getting clutter in the house. But the things I tend to throw away more than anything, I suppose, are newspapers, because I buy a couple of them every day and they soon mount up in the corridor. So I get... this is boring!

BUZZ

PM: What a boring opening speech that was!

NP: So um, but you were interrupted there by Jenny.

PM: Yeah good!

NP: Who has a correct challenge and she has 48 seconds, talk about things I throw away starting now.

JE: Chicken carcasses, teabags, empty hummus pots, bacon rinds...

BUZZ

JE: It is dull!

NP: Gyles challenged.

JE: You're absolutely right!

PM: It kind of sounds like a low grade Generation Game, doesn't it.

JE: Oh I got lucky!

PM: Hummus pots, teabags, reflecting economic conditions today.

NP: Gyles you challenged first.

GB: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation yes, you have 43 seconds, the things I throw away starting now.

GB: The things I throw away are opportunities mainly. The last one I threw away was when I had the chance to encounter the great American entertainer Michael Jackson. He was over here as the guest of Uri Geller, giving what Uri... oh Lord!

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of Uri.

NP: Yes yes.

GB: Yeah.

NP: And so, 29 seconds still available Paul, you have another correct challenge and a point of course, things I throw away starting now.

PM: I find books on my shelves and I think to myself why did I ever buy that particular volume? And so I put them into a box and rather than just throw them away, I take them down to the local charity shop, and their books are in good condition...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Gyles challenged.

GB: Repetition of books.

NP: Yes you had books there, 18 seconds, back with you Gyles, things I throw away starting now.

GB: Things I throw away include all my wardrobe from my childhood, kept for many years in the hope that I would one day be slim enough to slip in to those trunks once more. Alas it was not the case, and my Hawaiian shirts, such a wonderful souvenir of happy holidays. Hula hooping, there I was, I brought them home, thrown them away...

WHISTLE

NP: So Gyles was then speaking when the whistle went and gained an extra point for doing so of course and what is the situation. Well he is still in the lead, just ahead of Jenny and two ahead of Ross Noble and Paul Merton who are both equal in third place. And Jenny it is your turn to begin, the subject is, food allergies. Will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

JE: Tomatoes! Tinned tomato puree, baked beans, fruits which include citruses give me mouth ulcers. The other stuff I'm allergic too is wheat. Makes me look hugely pregnant. People look at me and think "oh, twins?"

BUZZ

JE: No, just had a bun!

NP: Gyles you challenged.

GB: Repetition of look?

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yes right.

GB: She said look twice. Good advice when crossing the road, but not necessarily...

NP: Gyles, correct challenge, 44 seconds, food allergies starting now.

GB: I think I must be allergic to everything, because as the years have gone by, my consumption has resulted in a slack stomach, appalling skin...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: Hesitation.

NP: Why?

JE: Actually...

NP: When? When? He didn't hesitate.

JE: No, it was when he went slack... stomach. It was a face of hesitation, but it wasn't a hesitation coming out of his mouth. Strange! I'm really sorry to have interrupted. I was just, I caught sight of this funny twisted gurney, I thought nothing can come out of that surely. But he did, he continued to speak.

NP: You're trying too hard, darling!

JE: No, honestly, Nicholas you didn't see his face, it was weird.

NP: I know, but he didn't hesitate, did he.

JE: It was extraordinary! He didn't.

NP: I know, but the audience loved it.

PM: Are we allowed, are we allowed to get points because Gyles is weird?

NP: He's not weird, he's clever, but does make faces, right. Thirty-five seconds...

PM: That could be a school report, clever but does make faces. Boris Johnson!

PM: Right Gyles, an incorrect challenge. There are 35 seconds, food allergies starting now.

GB: The big mistake was ordering chili con lobster. Not a dish really for somebody with a delicate constitution like myself. And the consequences were terrible rashes all over some rather intimate parts of my anatomy, really where the varicose veins are. And I felt most uncomfortable about this and thought I must avoid food allergic things in the future. And that is why I began to eat crispies. That's all with a little bit of milk from a beautiful young goad that I keep at the end of my garden with a goat that provides all my cheese requirements and that little chicken that lays sweet eggs that never give me any kind of food allergy at all, but make me go cock-a-doodle...

WHISTLE

NP: So Gyles Brandreth was speaking then as the whistle went, gained that extra point. And Ross, it's your turn to begin. I don't know whether this is your subject but here it is, Elvis Presley. Tell us something about the great Elvis in this game starting now.

RN: Elvis Presley, or as he was often known Elvis the Pelvis. Not many people know that he was almost called Enus, but luckily he wasn't! As that would have caused a lot of trouble, especially at Darby and Joan Clubs which is where he got his initial start. Many people think that it was playing around the south of America. But no, he would travel to old folks homes where he would gyrate before them. And the energy given off by him would restart their hearts when they slipped off. He was actually available on prescription. He never visited England of course and that's because he hated travelling...

BUZZ

SHOUTS OF "AWWWWWW" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Paul challenged.

RN: Don't go ohhh, I'm really quite glad! I'd run out of all words!

NP: Paul you challenged.

PM: There was a hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation. So you have a correct challenge, another point and you have 17 seconds, Elvis Presley starting now.

PM: (does impression of Elvis Presley mumbling)

BUZZ

NP: Ross.

PM: Who buzzed then? Who buzzed then?

NP: Ross did.

RN: Was that an Elvis impersonation or have you had a stroke?

PM: Well it's actually, it's actually Elvis having a stroke. I was about to go to All Shook Up.

NP: Ross because we enjoyed your interruption, we'll give you a bonus point for that.

RN: Thank you.

NP: But Paul was interrupted so he keeps the subject, 16 seconds, Elvis Presley starting now.

PM: (does impression of Elvis Presley mumbling)

BUZZ

NP: Ross challenged.

RN: That's repetition, he just did the same thing.

PM: No! That's the only bit I can do!

NP: Not repetition, repetition of the voice, but not the words.

RN: (does impression of Elvis Presley mumbling)

PM: He's nicking my material!

RN: (does impression of Elvis Presley mumbling)

NP: No no he wasn't, he didn't repeat anything except (does impression of Elvis Presley mumbling). So there are 14 seconds this time...

RN: So hang on, so you're allowed to just go (does impression of Elvis Presley mumbling)

NP: I'm further away...

RN: I'll remember that! Oh yeah!

NP: I'm, I'm further away from him than you are...

PM: You're further away from most people!

NP: Yes I'm on your side here.

PM: Oh you're on my side? Sorry.

RN: I'll tell you what Nicholas, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt!

NP: All right, put me down for one point up there, will you? Right.

RN: One point for Nicholas.

NP: One point for Nicholas, right. No, I could make out the words he said, I don't know what they were now, but they were reasonably distinct. And 14 seconds still with you Paul, Elvis Presley starting now.

PM: Elvis Presley recorded first of all for Sun Records and this was roughly in the mid 1950s and he then moved on to RCA, having spent a bit in the Army where he said to himself I don't...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, and gained that extra point. He's moved forward, he's just behind Gyles, one ahead of Ross Noble and Jenny Eclair is one behind them all, all pretty even actually. And Paul we would like you to begin the next round, I think it's your turn, the subject is my plan B. Sixty seconds as usual, starting now.

PM: (in Elvis mumble voice) Well ladies and gentlemen, my plan B is to get out of the (normal voice) and this is what he did. My plan B is to find a plan A. I don't really have one of those. If that doesn't work, it will depend on plan B coming into my consciousness and saying "give up the world of show business, find life on the buses, do a conductor's job on the 159". And then I shall repeat "ah but that particular route has long discontinued..."

BUZZ

NP: Gyles you challenged.

GB: I interrupted before he had told us it was long discontinued.

PM: Yes.

GB: I was going to point that out.

PM: It was very bad advice, there's no conductors on the 159 or indeed any bus routes these days.

JE: There's still 159.

PM: Yeah yeah, goes from Baker Street to Streatham.

JE: I'm getting it home.

GB: But no conductors.

PM: Yeah there's a 159, ends up in Talbot Avenue, Streatham. Look at me, Nicholas. I'm talking to you. Streatham Hill.

NP: I was fascinated by Jenny knowing about the 159.

PM: Oh really?

RN: What, Streatham Hill?

PM: What's Streatham Hill?

RN: No, I said what, Streatham Hill.

PM: Streatham Hill.

RN: Streatham Hill.

PM: Yes.

RN: Okay.

JE: It's where the 159 goes.

PM: Yeah.

RN: Is it?

PM: Yeah.

RN: Mornington Crescent! Oh no, sorry! Wrong game! Sorry it's...

NP: Give Ross a bonus point.

RN: It's the wrong show, I'd forgotten where I was!

NP: That's another game yes, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. Right, who interrupted who?

GB: I interrupted.

NP: You did and you've got a correct challenge. And you have 39 seconds Gyles, my plan B starting now.

GB: I think of my plan B as a phrase that refers to the Government and the Chancellor the Exchequer's remark often that he has no plan B. I love the coalition, those two gorgeous posh boys, Nick and Dave, coming together, pinkies touching, not actually holding hands. But wonderful, you know, they look...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: I'm going to be sick! Slight deviation from the subject matter, he seems...

GB: No no, it's not...

JE: ... to be obsessed with Dave and Nick.

GB: It's not deviation...

JE: ... and boys, lovely boys...

GB: Can I say it's twin beds, not deviation.

NP: No, I don't think he was, I don't think he was actually deviating from the subject.

JE: Okay.

NP: You have the benefit of the doubt Gyles, and if I can redress the balance Jenny later I will give the benefit to you.

JE: Thank you Nicholas.

NP: And there are 24 seconds for Gyles on my plan B starting now.

GB: When the people spoke and I ceased to be a Member of Parliament, I required a plan B and phoned up Nicholas Parsons and said "I sound a bit like Derek Nimmo. Now that the great man is no longer with us, do you think that I could come along? I particularly have the hots for Jenny Eclair, so I would like to be there on the weeks that she is there. And Ross Noble and his young boyfriend who comes from Hawaii. And Paul Merton may turn up, who knows, it depends on whether the bus has a conductor on it any longer..."

WHISTLE

NP: So Gyles Brandreth, speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point and has increased his lead at the end of that round. He's not very far ahead of Ross Noble and Paul Merton who are equal in second place and then Jenny Eclair. And Gyles we are back with you to begin. And the subject is learning Latin. I don't know whether you are a Latin scholar, whether you did it at school. But talk on the subject if you can, 60 seconds starting now.

GB: Many don't get much beyond thinking in loco parentis means my Dad's an engine driver. But at school, I was indeed told...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: Doesn't mean that.

NP: I know it doesn't. But I think he established that a lot of people think it might mean that, because they didn't learn Latin.

JE: I learnt Latin.

NP: I know, but his point was... actually Jenny, I hate to tell a comedienne but that was a joke actually.

JE: I didn't get it. Didn't like it.

NP: Can I give her the benefit of the doubt this time Gyles?

GB: I'd like you to.

NP: All right. You're in a strong lead, I give the benefit of the doubt to Jenny and it is learning Latin, 54 seconds starting now.

JE: I learnt Latin in a peculiar fashion. Modern ways, Cambridge it was called. You just recognised words. Gregor est cochust. Gregory is a cook. That's what I learned. In the end by the time we got to O Level, you could...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles challenged.

GB: Repetition of learnt.

NP: Yes.

JE: Yeah I didn't learn anything, I didn't, I was asleep doing things on my desk.

NP: So Gyles you got back again and you got another point, you have 9 seconds, learning Latin starting now.

GB: A moe, a mass, a mat, a marmus, a martiss, a mant. Went Mister Stcoks, my excellent Latin master. He was a sweet and lovely man, though his assistant liked to wield the cane if you got the conjugations wrong. And therefore one would go into class with Latin primers down your trousers, because if things went awry and you confused the Punic wars with the Gallic ones, you were in trouble. Latin of course is not a dead language. It is immortal. You can look at any building and see glorious instructions there, or vice versa...

BUZZ

NP: Ross challenged.

RN: There's a Netto near where my Mum lives and there's not a bit of Latin on it.

PM: No?

RN: Unless Netto is netus bargaimus maximus. I would say deviation from architecture.

PM: Yeah.

NP: I'm giving benefits of the doubt around, so you've had one, Jenny's had one. Ross you've got a benefit of the doubt and you have seven seconds on learning Latin starting now.

RN: I am trying to learn Latin as we speak from those...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: No you're not!

RN: Yes I am!

PM: Not as we speak.

RN: Look at them books down there! Look at that!

NP: You're smarter now.

PM: There's no books down there.

NP: I thought you were learning Latin...

RN: I've been robbed! See that's the thing! At the risk of, I don't mean to be racist, but that's the problem with these Latin people!

PM: Yeah.

RN: They come over here, taking our jobs...

NP: Ross, Ross I'm about to give it to you...

RN: Oh are you?

NP: Because you could well say....

RN: Oh no no no, Nicholas, please don't. I've got course work to do!

PM: He's learning Latin as we speak. As we speak, he's learning Latin. What?

RN: Sorry I've got a dwarf under there with a textbook.

NP: Because I thought the point...

PM: You could teach me with the textbook.

NP: I thought the point you were making and it's justifiable is that they were giving you some Latin phrases over there on the other side of the stage and therefore you were picking up and you were learning some Latin...

RN: That's exactly, that's exactly what I was doing. You're not needed. He's not needed.

NP: You're welcome to your books, I was trying to save you.

RN: Yeah thanks yes.

NP: I'm still going to leave it with you and say you've got four seconds on learning Latin starting now.

RN: Talkamus nonsamus, that is...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: You mentioned earlier the benefit of the doubt and we've handed them out, I'd like a benefit of the doubt.

NP: Yes well you can because norsemus latinus is not anything to do with learning Latin.

PM: No. He's only picking it up now so you've got to give him a chance.

NP: No.

PM: But no, I don't think that's Latin.

RN: He's rubbish, this bloke!

NP: It doesn't matter, he's got the benefit of the doubt and he's got the subject and a point and two seconds, learning Latin Paul starting now.

PM: The first word...

BUZZ

NP: Ross challenged.

RN: That wasn't Latin, that was English he was speaking there. No, I might not have been learning it long but I know that much.

PM: The subject isn't speaking Latin, it's learning Latin.

NP: It's learning Latin, not speaking Latin.

RN: Yeah well I don't know it so how am I supposed to? If he's going to talk, yeah come on...

NP: Ross you're being very funny but rather difficult.

RN: Funny enough, that's what my headmaster said to me.

NP: Paul you've got another incorrect challenge, a point, one second available, learning Latin starting now.

PM: It was fantastic, I had a wonderful...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul was speaking as the whistle went, has leapt forward. He's still in second place, trailing Gyles, just ahead of Ross and Jenny. And Jenny it's your turn to begin, the subject is coping with embarrassment. I'm not sure you have much in your life, but tell us something about it starting now.

JE: The trick to coping with embarrassment is to grow the hide of a rhinoceros and to pretend, when things go wrong, doesn't matter. Oh it's funny! Say a breast falls out of your top, leave it there, leave it hanging, it doesn't really matter, does it.

BUZZ

JE: Two leaves.

NP: Gyles you challenged.

JE: I know.

GB: Repetition of leaf, leave, leave, leave, leave. When a breast falls out of your pocket.

JE: Yeah.

GB: We won't go through it again but anyway. People will be replaying that for years.

NP: I was looking at her at the time and the image was really rather embarrassing.

JE: I wasn't embarrassed!

NP: I know you weren't darling, you never are.

JE: I was going to leaf it hanging.

NP: Forty-six seconds for you Gyles on coping with embarrassment starting now.

GB: Quad erat demonstrandum was the phrase I use...

BUZZ

RN: Don't start! I'm only a chapter in!

NP: An incorrect interruption so Gyles you've still got the subject, 43 seconds, coping with embarrassment starting now.

GB: I had an embarrassing experience with Margaret Thatcher, a lady with no qualities but has no sense of humour. Must have made bringing up Mark pretty difficult. Anyway the embarrassing incident occurred when I turned up with a draft speech for her, including a little joke that I had written for her, that I thought she would enjoy using at the party conference. It was borrowed from Monty Python. It was the dead parrot speech and I was going to make it about the... bird used by the Liberal Democrats...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged yes.

PM: There was a hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation, 17 seconds Paul, coping with embarrassment starting now.

PM: Well it's very difficult when you find yourself in a very embarrassing situation. Here I am, buzzing Gyles Brandreth when he had an excellent anecdote to tell us about Margaret Thatcher and all I'm doing is referring to what he was saying which in some ways could be repetition, but luckily I'm not using any of the same words. Hesitation and deviation are also an embarrassing thing to make...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. But let me give you the situation, we are moving into the final round. Jenny is trailing a little in fourth place. And Ross is the same, great contribution but trailing a little in third place. And Paul is two points behind our leader who is still Gyles Brandreth. And Ross it's your turn to begin, answer machine messages, what a good subject! tell us something about them in this game starting now.

RN: If the machines rise up to destroy us, I will answer their messages when they approach the door and start saying "we will kill you all". I'll say "I don't think so, I'll unplug you and then ah push you down the stairs..."

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: Slight hesitation.

NP: There was a slight hesitation.

RN: I was getting attacked by the machines that had risen up to destroy us all!

NP: So Jenny you have 46 seconds, answer machine messages starting now.

JE: I used to love coming home and seeing that little red eye winking in the corner of the room, saying "you've got messages". You press a button, one message, maybe more, not often. Often actually there'll be...

BUZZ

JE: Yes two oftens.

NP: Gyles challenged.

GB: Repetition of often.

NP: Often yes, well done Gyles, 34 seconds with Gyles, answer machine messages starting now.

GB: I was rather touched earlier this evening. I telephoned an old friend of mine who had been a wing commander in the Royal Air Fotce. And it said when I telephoned through to him that wonderful phrase, are ardua ed astra. And there I thought, a man who has gone close to the heavens in the sky, but also was properly educated. Neel obstad was my response to that. That was the droll message that I left for him knowing that we Latinists could get together...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: Two thats. Sorry to get really picky and pedanty but I don't understand what he is talking about.

NP: Jenny you say you're not good at the game but you're very sharp and you've got in again with 10 seconds to go on answer machine messages starting now.

JE: Hello this is the lady from the dry cleaners up Streatham Hill. We've got your culottes for you, would you like to come and pick it up. No...

WHISTLE

NP: So Jenny Eclair was then speaking as the whistle went and gained that extra point for doing so. And she has moved forward, not very far but she has moved. And she's moved just ahead of Ross Noble, but actually they are equal together in third place. But we have an interesting situation. Paul who did extremely well, got a lot of points. But the one who got most points and was three ahead of Paul, was Gyles Brandreth. So we say Gyles you are our winner this week. So it only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine players of the game, Gyles Brandreth, Jenny Eclair, Ross Noble and Paul Merton. I thank Sharon Leonard who has helped me keep the score, and blown her whistle so well. We thank our producer Claire Jones. And we are also indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And we are very grateful to this lovely audience here in the Radio Theatre who have cheered us on our way. So from the audience, from me, Nicholas Parsons, and the team, good-bye, thank you. And tune in again the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC