JAM:PMerton,GBrandreth,SKhorsandi,RKane
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, GYLES BRANDRETH, SHAPPI KHORSANDI and RUSSELL KANE, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 29 August 2011)

NOTE: Shappi Khorsandi's last radio appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more, it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners from around the world. But also to welcome to the show four exciting, talented, humorous performers who are going to show off their dexterity with words and language as they speak on a subject that I give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And they are seated on my right, Paul Merton and Shappi Khorsandi. And seated on my left, Gyles Brandreth and Russell Kane. Will you please welcome all four of them! And seated beside me is Sarah Sharpe, who is going to help me keep the score, and blow the whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the BBC venue at Potter Row in Edinburgh during the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. And we have an excited, very silent at the moment, Fringe audience ready to burst into laughter and applause we hope. As we begin the show this week with Gyles Brandreth. Oh Gyles, I'm sure it has been chosen for you, my tartan underwear. That conveys that I know you've got tartan underwear which is very embarrassing. Will you talk on the subject Gyles, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

GYLES BRANDRETH: It is well-known that all a Scotsman wears beneath his kilt is naked ambition. I, when I took part in the Braemar Games decided to take precautions and wore some tartan underwear. This was because I was tossing the caber. When the organisers approached me and said "are you the tosser we were expecting?" I was able to greet them and lift my kilt and display the black watch. Not something to tell the time on...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PAUL MERTON: Was it repetition of kilt.

NP: No he said when I lifted it.

PM: Ah! Didn't repeat kilt?

GB: No.

NP: No, no, he didn't, no, no, no, no. Gyles that's an incorrect challenge so you have a point for that, of course and you keep the subject and there are 35 seconds still available, my tartan underwear starting now.

GB: I ran across the field with the mighty stick in my hand. I flicked it into the air, it turned a double somersault like Wayne Rooney on heat. And then it was that the wind blew up my sporran and the cloth around it, and revealed yes, those gorgeous knickers, now unfortunately the elastic gone and around my knees. It was an unfortunate moment when people said "oh dear me, it's not very exciting is it, och aye the new, Doctor Snoddy, where are you, this fellow needs some attention, it's clearly colder here than we thought?" I was by embarrassed by this humiliating moment in my life, because my tartan underwear is something...

WHISTLE

NP: In this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Gyles Brandreth who actually started with the subject and finished with it, but with one interruption. But at the end of that round he's got two points, and of course naturally he is in the lead ahead of all of the others.

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Thank you for laughing at that, it wasn't very funny, but it does help to keep the show going. Right, Russell, first time player of the game, right, you take the second round, and the subject we've chosen for you Russell, we hope it's an easy one, castles. Tell us something about castles in Just A Minute starting now.

RUSSELL KANE: Well we're in the city of Edinburgh where there is a very famous castle to which all the Americans immediately flock, stand outside with their cameras and go "I'm so Sko-dish right now! Am I pronouncing it correctly?" For me, the castle is a very loaded term. I grew up in a council road and the castle was the nickname my neighbours gave to our house because my father dared to buy his own welfare property and extending it, turning it into a three bedroom house. The thing that really pushed the pejorative term over the line was when we sunk a swimming pool into the back garden of our state assisted home, therefore becoming on our estate, the only people who my Mum could get in from Macro's, go "I'm a bit hot at the moment, I think I might have a swim". And it really annoyed the neighbours and my Dad's accent immediately changed...

BUZZ

NP: Right, Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of Dad.

NP: Yes.

RK: Not that I've got issues!

NP: You did mention your Dad earlier on, but you went for 47 seconds.

RK: That's not bad for a first go!

NP: Our first time player of the game, first time doing it and he went for 47 seconds. Give him a bonus point!

GB: Yeah.

RK: Yeah.

NP: Paul had a correct challenge so Paul you take over the subject and there are 13 seconds available, castle starting now.

PM: Not one of my favourite places to visit are castles. I find them inherently boring. There's drawbridges, moats, bits of wall still standing up. But I find it very...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles challenged.

GB: Repetition of find.

NP: Oh yes...

PM: Yes.

NP: Right, he said it at the beginning, right, well listened Gyles. And you've cleverly got in with four seconds to go. You've won no friends in the audience, but you've got in and you've got castles still and you start now.

GB: To be King of the castle is what I has wanted to do most of all when I was on the beach at Broadstowe when I was a child...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round, Gyles Brandreth was speaking as the whistle, gained that extra point for doing so. And he has increased his lead at the end of the round. Shappi Khorsandi, will you begin the next round, the subject is call centres. Tell us something about that evocative place in this game starting now.

SHAPPI KHORSANDI: I had two jobs, enduring ones that I did before I did stand-up comedy. And one of them was in a call centre. The other one, if you are wondering, was a life model. That's a very strange job because you have to stand naked in front of strangers and they draw you. And at one point this guy said to me "oh has anybody got a rubber?" which was an odd thing to say in the middle of a class. The call centre, however, was something I was good at. I was good, I repeated the word good...

BUZZ

SK: I can't fault myself!

NP: Russell you challenged.

RW: I was going to say deviation, the word...

NP: No, no, hesitation.

RK: Well, there was quite...

SK: I did deviate!

RK: There was quite a lot about life drawing...

NP: Yes.

RK: And it wasn't really much about the call centre.

SK: Well the thing is Russell, the thing is...

RK: But I was slightly aroused by the story so I didn't interrupt.

SK: Russell, I used to do a cell centre by day and the life modelling by night.

NP: But you deviated from that and you also hesitated, darling.

SK: Yes but it's my life!

NP: No no Russell, you were very quick there, and you got right in for a first time player and that was a correct challenge...

RK: I notice the patronising tone in your voice.

NP: The subject is call centres, Russell, and you've got 50 seconds starting now.

RK: The call centre is one of the fastest times I've ever been sacked in my life. I have been ah fired from jobs...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged, there you are Shappi.

SK: Thank you very much.

NP: But that's what happens, you get the subject back, you get a point as well for a correct challenge, he did hesitate er. Right 44 seconds still available, Shappi, on call centres starting now.

SK: I was rather good at my job and because...

BUZZ

SK: What?

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of good.

NP: Yes you were talking about being good before.

SK: Right okay, well.

NP: And when you get the subject back you can't repeat what you said before. Paul you've got in with 42 seconds on call centres starting now.

PM: Occasionally when I have to phone up a call centre, I'm aware that I might be talking to somebody in a different country who is going to ask me how I think the plot line of Coronation Street reflects modern society in Britain today. These are the kind of topics that they do tell people who work in call centres to engage with the callers on the other end of the line, to give them some idea that they are phoning you from Burnley or perhaps you are telephoning them...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles challenged.

GB: Repetition of perhaps.

NP: Yes perhaps yes yes.

PM: Oh yes.

NP: Perhaps, well listened Gyles. You've got in with 19 seconds to go, tell us something about call centres starting now.

GB: I think the punishment for former News Of The World journalists should be to be locked into hacking a call centre permanently or for the rest of their lives. Listening endlessly to the calls of other people that are of no interest whatsoever. People asking for codes you can never remember...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SK: People.

NP: Yes repetition of people.

GB: Yes yes oh yes.

NP: I love the succinct way you challenge. You didn't say "you repeated", you said "people". Anyway...

SK: I'm dying to tell you my story about when I worked in the call centre.

NP: Well you've got five seconds left...

SK: Oh God!

NP: Call centres starting now.

SK: I became a manager and I interviewed a new ah caller and his name was...

BUZZ

NP: Oh! Oh you got in Russell, a new player with one second to go. Call centres is with you Russell starting now.

RK: Hello this is First Direct...

WHISTLE

NP: So as I said before, whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gained that extra point. It was Russell Kane and he is in second place behind Gyles Brandreth, and Shappi Khorsandi and Paul Merton are trailing just behind. Paul Merton, will you begin the next round, the subject, Spartacus. Tell us something about Spartacus in this game starting now.

PM: It's one of the classic films I've never seen. I know it stars Kirk Douglas. and there is a famous scene towards the end where various people claim to say "I am Spartacus" and then the person next to them repeats it, ditto Spartacus, etcetera and so on. And it seems to me that as a film, it is one of the great movies of the...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SK: Sorry I think you said film twice.

NP: All right.

SK: And I'm a bit, I'm a bit scared because I haven't seen it either and I don't really want to take it over.

NP: Yes you did mention it was a film, right at the beginning.

PM: I think I did, yeah yeah. Yes correct challenge.

SK: Are you sure you don't want to give Paul the benefit of the doubt?

PM: No!

NP: No, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, darling.

SK: Okay.

NP: We'll hear from you on Spartacus, 43 seconds starting now.

SK: I once knew a woman who called her baby Spartacus. I don't know why she did this. I think she didn't really want to be a mother in the first place. I also met another child yesterday called Theatre, but that's irrelevant. I am never...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles challenged. Gyles challenged.

GB: Self acknowledged deviation.

NP: Gyles it could be irrelevant in the collective sense, but it is not irrelevant to the story she is telling.

GB: That the child was called Theatre? If it had been called Movie, Cinema, Kirk Douglas, possibly. But you're the judge?

NP: I don't understand your challenge now.

GB: That's all right, I'm used to that.

NP: I'll take points away from you in a moment!

PM: Can you do that? Can you take points away from people?

NP: No, I've never done it before...

PM: No, take a point off Gyles! Go on, take a point off him!

NP: No no...

PM: No...

NP: I like to think I have a reputation for fairness and I don't want to be unkind to anybody...

PM: No.

NP: Let alone Gyles whom I do know very well.

PM: Yeah.

NP: And Shappi you have 30 seconds, continue on Spartacus starting now.

SK: What I do know is that the bloke in it is the Dad of the bloke who is...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of bloke.

SK: Oh!

NP: Yes there were...

SK: Yes.

NP: There was too many blokes. You can't bluff your way out this time, darling. Twenty-five seconds on Spartacus, Paul starting now.

PM: Well oiled muscles, torsoes, strode across the wide screen. The year was 1960, they were ready for a new decade, the American public. They strode into the cinema and took...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles challenged.

GB: Repetition of strode.

NP: They...

PM: Strode, did I say that before?

NP: Yes you did.

PM: Did I? It must be a favourite word of mine.

NP: You've never used it before.

PM: I've never used that word before, now I've used it twice. Isn't that funny. Go on, take a point off him! Take a point off him! Go on!

NP: No, he gets a point for a correct challenge and there are 14 seconds, Gyles on Spartacus starting now.

GB: At the House of Commons there was a Spartacus club of which the chairman was John Prescott MP. Amateur pugilist, deputy Prime Minister, the man who uses the language like a Rubik cube. And he would dress up in this extraordinary outfit, bare torso oiled, in a loin cloth...

WHISTLE

NP: So Gyles Brandreth was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, has increased his lead ahead of all the others at the end of the round. Gyles we are back with you to begin, and the subject is hand-me-downs. Tell us something about hand-me-downs in this game starting now.

GB: What does the Queen do when she burps? She issues a royal pardon. This is an old joke that was handed down to me by her husband, Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. In mu-hah own case he...

BUZZ

NP: Russell you challenged.

RK: There was hesitation there.

GB: There was, it was.

NP: Yes it was, a stumble over words which is hesitation, well listened Russell. And you've got 50 seconds to tell us something about hand-me-downs starting now.

RK: Well I'm a fan of the hand-me-down. I often wear second-hand clothes and clothes that I've...

BUZZ

NP: Oh Shappi you challenged.

SK: But can I say I really like your dress sense!

NP: Yes it's ideal for Just A Minute isn't it. I suppose, for our listeners, I should describe it now.

RK: No, please don't!

NP: Well I should because they'll want to know why they laughed. He's wearing a T-shirt and bare arms. What's on the T-shirt?

RK: It's a camper van. Volkswagon camper can and I've cut the neck off to create a scoop cut.

NP: Now they know why the audience laughed. Hand-me-downs is with you Shappi, 45 seconds starting now.

SK: I was dressed in hand-me-downs, which was a shame because I have an older brother. It was very difficult doing ballet in football shoes. Occasionally our mother would buy him dresses so when it came to handing them down to me, they would look pretty on me, gave my older sibling a complex. Hey I'm getting the hang of this! Hand-me-downs...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Yes she got the hang of it and then it collapsed.

SK: Damn!

NP: Well done, my darling. But Paul you got in with 23 seconds, hand-me-downs starting now.

PM: Hand-me-downs is something that used to happen a great deal in Victorian England, when you looked at the working class people who had very little money. And it would depend on who was the first person to buy a pair of trousers within a particular group and whoever that individual was would then hand those pants down the family line. So you might well see a five-year-old child wearing an oh-normous pair of trousers...

BUZZ

PM: I lapsed into the Dickensian phrase then.

NP: And Russell you cleverly got in with half a second, hesitation, Russell, hand-me-downs starting now.

RK: My jeans are more like...

WHISTLE

NP: So interesting situation. Russell Kane, our first time player of the game, has now moved forward into the lead with Gyles Brandreth. Russell it's your turn to begin. Don't let it all go to your head, it can all fold up at any moment. A tough game, you never know what's going to happen.

GB: We're bonding here.

NP: Yes I know you are, right.

GB: I think it was bonding, either that or bondage. Anyway... I'm going with the flow!

NP: I should explain to our listeners that Russell and Gyles are sitting close to each other. Russell Kane, your turn to begin, on a long train journey, that's the subject, 60 seconds starting now.

RK: Long train journeys I enjoy. And because I am a stand-up comedian, I can buy first-class tickets in advance and sit comfortably as I travel from London to Edinburgh. I always feel slightly like I don't belong in the first-class carriage...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SK: First-class.

NP: Yes, first-class? You don't wear that T-shirt in first-class carriage, do you?

RK: Oh yes, to provoke the ire of the elites.

NP: Shappi, correct challenge... I don't know what you are talking about there. Forty-eight seconds Shappi, on a long train journey starting now.

SK: On a long train journey, you can decide whether or not to chat to the person next to you. It can be like opening up a can of worms. Sometimes it'll be quite interesting, sometimes... again...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of sometimes.

NP: Sometimes twice yes and the subject is on a long train journey, you have 35 seconds Paul starting now.

PM: London to Edinburgh is quite a long train journey. You go through various stations. Didcot's one of them, Peterborough...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles yes.

GB: Didcot?

NP: Didcot? You don't go through Didcot to Edinburgh.

PM: I always get on the wrong train! I have to change at Didcot!

NP: Well Paul, if you get on the wrong train, you're still not going to Edinburgh are you.

PM: I know but that's...

GB: It's still deviation.

PM: No it's a long...

GB: There's no question!

PM: No! On a long train journey...

GB: By definition, going via Didcot is deviation.

PM: It's a longer train journey! It's a longer train journey which is the very subject, on a long train journey. I've made it longer, how can that be deviation?

SK: No, because it'll be two separate train journeys because London Didcot is short. And then you're back at Square One, you can't link that to the other train journey that you're...

NP: I think they've answered you Paul.

PM: I didn't think it was that much of a problem!

NP: Anyway Gyles you've got the point and the subject and of course it's apt that you should have it because you wrote a marvellous book about something to read on a long train journey, didn't you.

GB: So I did, thank you for mentioning that. Something Sensational To Read On the Train.

NP: Your memoirs wasn't it.

GB: It was, that's sweet of you to touch on that, Nicholas. And I have to say, I enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed your book which I'm... though August is coming to an end, there's no better summer reading than, I think, Nicholas Parsons' Life, Life In Comedy...

NP: That's right...

PM: You've had a life in comedy?

NP: Yes.

PM: Have you?

NP: If I wasn't...

PM: You've kept that quiet!

NP: Oh you wicked bastard!

PM: Now I remember! That was your catch-phrase! Now I remember! They always used to say that in the 60s! Do you remember?

NP: Go on, give him a bonus point, he deserves it, right. But Gyles you had, you've got the subject and there are 30 seconds on on a long train journey starting now.

GB: I was once stuck on a long train journey with Margaret Thatcher, who has many qualities, but no sense of humour, which must have made bringing up Mark really quite difficult. What distracted me on that journey...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There was a hesitation there, did you notice it?

GB: No.

NP: Yeah there was a little hesitation.

PM: Yeah. wasn't there? Funny that.

NP: Because he does go at an unusual lick, doesn't he. So what I do on this occasion, it's doubtful, Paul I give you the benefit of the doubt on this occasion but I will try and redress the balance and give you the benefit some time later.

GB: Oh he's fair, he's so fair, this man.

NP: Always fair, 20 seconds, on a long train journey, Paul starting now.

PM: I do prefer long train journeys as opposed to short aeroplane flights. I love covering the same distance on the rails. The train takes you there quite directly from city to inner bit that you go to. And it is absolutely beautiful that you can walk up and down in these carriages, look sedately out the window and see the landscape as you pass through it...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round, Paul was speaking as the whistle went and gained that extra point. It's all very close, he's equal with Russell Kane, one behind Gyles Brandreth, and Shappi trails him by one point only. So it's all very close and Shappi it's your turn to begin. And the subject is the eldest child. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.

SK: My brother is the eldest child in our family. The eldest child is the one born from love, two people meet, and they adore each other so much they want to create a human being out of that affection. Second children are not born that way, we are merely toys for the eldest child. Nobody has... us...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles you challenged.

GB: Hesitation.

NP: That was definitely hesitation yes.

SK: That was.

NP: Gyles you have 34 seconds to talk about the eldest child starting now.

GB: I would so love Russell Kane to be my eldest child. Because it would out him out of temptation's way as far as I'm concerned. Regular listeners will know...

BUZZ

PM: Where on earth are we going?

NP: Where? We've gone there!

PM: Have we? Can't we just pass through?

NP: So Russell you challenged.

PM: Good!

RK: I'm overcome with filial love for Gyles. There was a slight hesitation there as he declared he would like to adopt me.

NP: Definite hesitation.

GB: Yeah.

NP: So Russell you have the subject and you have 23 seconds...

GB: That's my boy! Enjoy it!

RK: Thank you Papa!

GB: Feel the, feel the moment!

NP: Right.

PM: Do you think Gyles should be sitting on his hands as well?

NP: So Russell, 23 seconds, the eldest child starting now.

RK: I was the eldest child, there was two of us, my brother and I, James and me. And I constantly bullied him and now I'm filled with guilt. As I grow up, all the little things that have gone wrong with him, I wonder "did I have anything to do with that?" I used to wander in when he was very tiny and go "wooooahhh! Monsters will get you! Mum, he seems to be crying again and I can't explain it!" And also the bullying that evolved...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi you were listening well.

SK: Yes, and also I want to buzz anyway because that's just mean, because he is where I am.

NP: So what is your challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

SK: Oh the bullying.

NP: The bullying, repetition yes.

RK: I said bully the first time, I think.

SHOUTS OF "YES" FROM THE AUDIENCE

RK: Bully and then bullying.

GB: That's what my boy said!

SK: Spoken like a true Dad of a bully!

NP: You're right, you did, you said you used to bully him and then bullying. That's right, no, you've still got three seconds left Russell.

GB: Oh!

NP: And you've got the eldest child starting now.

RK: The most tyrannous bit of being the eldest child was breaking wind and launching it into my brother's...

WHISTLE

NP: You kept going till the whistle did go, gained that extra point for doing so. And you've taken the lead again, ahead of Gyles and Paul and Shappi in that order. Paul your turn to begin, the subject is cleaning up my act. I've heard your act, there is nothing dirty about it, so I don't quite know why you've got this subject.

PM: Unlike your catch-phrases.

NP: He's still being wicked, isn't he. Paul, cleaning up my act, 60 seconds starting now.

PM: Well as Nicholas alludes to the fact I used to have an act but that was way back in the 1980s. I haven't done stand-up for such a long time as I found it easier just to make things up off the top of my head on stage with other people. For example, Just A Minute, you don't have to clean up my act here because I'm aware that I'm appearing on Radio Four. There are certain words that cannot be broadcast. One of them used to be Brandreth, now we have a completely open policy and we are allowed to say this as often as we like on this particular medium that we are now sharing amongst ourselves here. Am I going to pause for breath? I think I am. Do you know the most magnificent thing about appearing on Just A Minute and cleaning up...

BUZZ

NP: Russell you, you spotted it first.

RK: Repetition of Just.

PM: Yeah absolutely.

NP: Just A Minute, the whole thing.

RK: Yeah.

PM: Absolutely.

NP: You you...

RK: I was being specific to the word.

PM: I'd forgotten what the subject, I'd forgotten what the subject was.

NP: I know, cleaning up my act.

PM: Yeah, I should have written it down.

NP: Right, Russell, you've got the subject and you've got 29 seconds still, cleaning up my act starting now.

RK: It's often very difficult for me to clean up my act when I go on radio for example. Because I'm from Essex, the county in England that prides itself on swearing constantly and unnecessarily. Even when thinking where they were last week, people will swear just to feel...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SK: You swore twice.

NP: Yes and 15 seconds Shappi, cleaning up my act starting now.

SK: I often have to clean up my act at the Edinburgh Festival, because people bring little children to my shows. I've often wondered why this is so...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles challenged.

GB: Repetition of often.

NP: Yes yes.

SK: Did I say offen and then mispronounce it as of-ten? Because I do that sometimes. I never know which is the correct one.

NP: I think it depends from where your background is.

SK: Iran!

PM: Sorry, shouldn't that be Eye-ran?

NP: So I think most people say offen.

PM: Yeah.

NP: But some people who haven't got the advantage of a scholastic education say of-ten.

SK: I was trying to distract you all and make you think that the subject was still mine. It's not going to work, is it.

NP: No, it's not darling.

SK: No.

NP: Who challenged? It was Russell, wasn't it.

GB: No, no, it was me.

NP: Oh it was you.

PM: It was Gyles.

NP: Gyles right, eight seconds Gyles, cleaning up my act starting now.

GB: When Russell has finished cleaning up his act, I hope he will start to clean up his room...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well you see, this is cleaning up my act, not cleaning up Russell's act. So it's deviation from the subject, you see.

NP: Correct challenge...

GB: My boy and I are as one! And his act, frankly, are hand-me-downs from mine!

NP: Right, five seconds...

PM: (laughs) You can sue, you can sue on that, I think!

NP: Five seconds are still available Paul on cleaning up my act starting now.

PM: I was determined to clean up my act. I got myself a big bucket of soapy water, a broom and I said...

WHISTLE

NP: Right so at the end of that round... oh I've just heard, we are into the final round!

SHOUTS OF "OHHHHH" FROM GB AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Oh! You're a lovely audience! We are moving into the final round, let me tell you that Shappi who has not played the game an awful lot but she does it well. She is just in fourth place, one point behind Paul Merton who is one point behind Gyles Brandreth who is one point behind Russell Kane, our first time player of the game. It's very close! Gyles it's your turn to begin and the subject now is acquired taste. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

GB: I have recently acquired a taste for liquorice, Irish music and older men. So that when Nicholas walked in this afternoon, sucking a sherbet dib-dab and whistling the Londonderry Air, I was in seventh heaven. I know that sometimes I am described as an acquired taste myself. This I find a bit hurtful particularly because people say we are still waiting to acquire this taste. And when you have actually been playing the game for some 30 years, you feel "oh my, it's a bit sad that people realise you have repeated one word and you can speak on", it's generous...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well deviation, I think the words got a bit mixed up there.

NP: Yeah there was, there was a repetition of people too.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Twenty-six seconds are available Paul on acquired taste starting now.

PM: Well acquired taste I suppose is something that you build up yourself through experience. You can look at various films, television programmes, listen to classical music, and define your own taste. You can say to yourself, I think I prefer late Beethoven to early Heiden. Or even you might suggest Mozart, what a magnificent composer. But do you know, I think if he had lived beyond his 30s he might well have moved into country and western. This would only be an opinion...

WHISTLE

NP: Paul was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. Oh what an interesting result! Shappi who hasn't played the game a lot finished just in fourth place. No, it wasn't, fourth place, actually, it was third place, darling.

SK: Am I third place then?

NP: You're in third place because Gyles Brandreth and Paul Merton are equal in second place. But only one point ahead was our first-time player of the game, Russell Kane! So wearing his lucky T-shirt, he's come here and triumphed!

GB: It's in the blood, Russell!

RK: I couldn't have done it without Daddy!

NP: Well thank you very much! We do hope you have enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute. And it only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine players of the game, Paul Merton, Shappi Khorsandi, Russell Kane and Gyles Brandreth. I also thank Sarah Sharpe who has helped me keep the score, and blown her whistle magnificently. And we are grateful to our producer Tilusha Ghelani. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And we are grateful to this lovely audience here, at the Festival Fringe, who have cheered us on our way magnificently. From our audience, from me, Nicholas Parsons, and the team, good-bye, thank you, and remember, listeners, tune in the next time we play Just A Minute! Yes!

THEME MUSIC