JAM:PMerton,CNeill,CCollingwood,JLawrence
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, CHRIS NEILL, CHARLES COLLINGWOOD and JOSIE LAWRENCE, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 1 February 2010)

NOTE: Chris Neill's final appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Oh thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners not only in this country but around the world. But also to welcome to the programme this week four exciting, dynamic and humorous players of this game. And they are seated on my right, Paul Merton and Charles Collingwood. And seated on my left, it's Josie Lawrence and Chris Neill. Will you please welcome all four of them! And as usual I am going to ask them to speak on a subject that I will give them and they try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. Beside me sits Sarah Sharpe, she is going to help me keep the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition is coming from the Radio Theatre in the heart of Broadcasting House in the West One area of London. And we are going to begin the show with Paul Merton. Paul what an interesting subject to start with, how to remember people's names. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.

PAUL MERTON: Thank you Susan. The best thing to do is to create a mental picture. For example, Nichol-arse. Think of somebody who has got an arse made out of nickel.

BUZZ

NP: Charles challenged.

CHARLES COLLINGWOOD: That was a repetition of arse, wasn't it.

PM: No no no no no.

NP: No no.

CC: He went Nichol-arse.

NP: Oh Charles you are becoming pedantic already! No no, I mean Arthur Haynes always called me Nichol-arse.

PM: Yeah.

NP: If you can put the emphasis on the Nick, or you put it on the end.

CC: Fair point. No I take your point Nichol-arse.

NP: It wasn't a separate word. So it was an incorrect challenge. Paul you have a point for that, you keep the subject, 52 seconds available starting now.

PM: In show business circles, it's quite common for people to refer to each other as darling. This means you don't have to remember their name, unless of course they're the Chancellor of the Exchequer when you're already there. Because his first is Alistair. And if you look around at the general people in front of me now...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CHRIS NEILL: Oh a repetition of people.

NP: Yes you did have people before. You mentioned then. So Chris, a correct challenge, a point to you, you take over the subject, 36 seconds area available, how to remember people's names starting now.

CN: As I get older I find it increasingly hard to remember people's names. So I decided the best thing to do is to pretend we have never even met before. I insist on it in fact. People say oh yes we encountered each other at such and such a... Oh!

BUZZ

NP: Charles you challenged.

CC: I think we had such and such.

NP: Yes you had.

PM: They're a very big advertising agency.

NP: So Charles, a correct challenge, a point you, the subject, how to remember people's names, 23 seconds starting now.

CC: All my life I've found it very hard to remember people's names. And when I try and say the right thing to people, very often I get a blank face looking at me, thinking what are you trying to do to me? And I'm in fact only having a guess...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JOSIE LAWRENCE: Oh sorry it wasn't a proper challenge but he did sort of hesitate before he said only.

NP: No darling, it is a proper challenge.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Because any challenge is a proper one.

PM: Yeah certainly.

NP: And he did actually hesitate.

JL: Yeah he did.

NP: So you have...

JL: Charles, shut your mouth, because I'm right!

NP: Charles, you gave a little stumble actually and we interpret that as hesitation.

CC: Oh that's, that's, is that new in this programme?

NP: No! if you stumble, go, oh ah yeah, that is a hesitation.

CC: Yes. Yes well if it was as bad as that, I'd take tablets!

NP: Anyway Josie, so everybody's going to speak on the first round which is good. You have the subject of how to remember people's names, seven seconds starting now.

JL: Somebody told me once to do this. When you're at a party, go up to a person and say "what's your name" and they'll say "Richard"...

BUZZ

NP: Paul you challenged just...

PM: Repetition of say.

NP: Oh yes. You got in just before the whistle Paul.

PM: Yes I think we'd all noticed that.

NP: Not everybody notices...

PM: No no Josie noticed it.

NP: It's a fine line yes. So you've got in with another point to you and the subject, how to remember people's names and you have quarter of a second starting now.

PM: Wembley Stadium...

WHISTLE

NP: In this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Paul Merton so he is naturally in the lead at the end of the round. Chris will you begin the next round, the subject, romantic meals. Tell us something about that in this show, starting now.

CN: Some people might choose asparagus because it is meant to have erotic aphrodisiac qualities. Others, caviar, people...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation yes.

CN: Yeah I know.

NP: You couldn't think of any other foods.

CN: No I was going to mention chocolate but I didn't get it out in time. Which is not something I've ever said at a romantic dinner! Thank you!

NP: Paul a correct challenge, 52 seconds remaining, romantic meals starting now.

PM: The two of you, candle light, white tablecloth, perhaops a couple of alabaster plates lying in front of you. And the most...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: He said you twice, and then I realised that was a silly thing to stop him on. Because you have to say you twice.

NP: Oh no you don't have to. If he repeats you, that is repetition. And you were listening well.

CN: Go for it Josie! Go for it! Go girl!

NP: You're playing the game brilliantly.

CN: Oh don't start this again!

NP: A little flirtation on radio is very, very warming, I think. Right, romantic meals with you Josie, 45 seconds starting now.

JL: I think it's very romantic when you have a meal and use the digits on your finger to eat with. I like... oh I...

BUZZ

NP: Charles.

JL: I said digits on my fingers.

CN: Yeah.

JL: I think I ought to be sacked!

PM: No, no, the word is sectioned! Not sacked!

NP: You said the digits on my fingers? Yes.

JL: The digits on my finger.

NP: Oh Charles, what was it?

CC: Well I mean it was almost hesitation, deviation and almost repetition as well.

NP: Which one do you want?.

CC: I'll have hesitation.

NP: Hesitation was definite, you have that, 38 seconds, romantic meals Charles starting now.

CC: Romantic meals are for me, candle light, a glass of wine and a gorgeous starter and a beautiful woman. Not necessarily...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Why did you take me to that service station?

CC: Because as you know Chris, you can't have a romantic meal in a service station.

NP: Chris we enjoyed your interruption, it's got nothing to do with the show. So we give you a bonus point for that. Charles was interrupted, he gets a point, keeps the subject, 29 seconds, romantic meals Charles starting now.

CC: Sometimes the anticipation of a romantic meal is almost better than the meal itself. But I have to point out that when I'm sitting there, looking my most gorgeous with this heavenly body opposite...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well it was repetition of meal.

NP: Yes.

PM: Romantic meals.

NP: That's right yes, it's a correct challenge.

CC: Didn't I do a S.

NP: No.

CC: Oh well, carry on!

CN: The audience have gone very queeny on that one!

NP: No, but those are the rules of Just A Minute and...

CC: Quite right!

NP: ... well listened Paul Merton and romantic meals is with you Paul and 18 seconds available starting now.

PM: One night I was dining by the shadow of the Sphinx just outside Cairo. As the sun disappeared over the pyramids, I looked into my companion's eyes. There was four of them. She was beautiful, she was more than a woman...

BUZZ

PM: She was, she was, she was.

CC: Lots of shes.

NP: Yeah you definitely got in there Charles.

CC: Two shes there.

PM: Yeah, absolutely, yes.

NP: And you got in there with four seconds to go, Charles, romantic meals starting now.

CC: When the plate of food arrives in front of you...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: We had plate before.

NP: Yes, you had a plate.

CC: From me?

CN: Yes.

CC: What, was that in the service station, old darling?

CN: No, it was in your most illuminating talk about romantic meals, earlier on. You said...

CC: Well I'm sure you're right, Chris.

CN: I'm not but there we are. Ah yeah, no, you did, yeah.

NP: I don't think you're right. It was Paul who said plate.

JL: Alabaster plate.

NP: Alabaster plate.

CC: So just shut up!

NP: Two seconds still with you Charles, another point of course, romantic meals starting now.

CC: When you're eating pudding...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: We've had when several times.

NP: That's true. If I allow you the other one, I can't allow that one. So Chris you've got in with one second to go on romantic meals starting now.

CN: Chicken arse on toast...

WHISTLE

NP: So Chris Neill was speaking then as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's one point behind Charles Collingwood who is just in the lead. No, Chris is equal with Paul Merton now, they're one ahead of Josie Lawrence. It's all very close if you're interested in the points. Um, I think the content is more valuable. Josie we'd like you to begin the next round.

JL: Yes.

NP: The subject is a stuff upper lip.

JL: A stiff upper lip?

NP: A stiff upper lip, yes you know. You have 60 seconds as usual starting now.

JL: I have very wobbly lips but I did give myself a stiff upper lip one day when I mistook a tube of super glue for lip...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: When I stuck a tube...

JL: I said mistook..

CN: Did you?

JL: Yes I did.

NP: No she was going with ah some, some aplomb...

CN: Okay.

NP: And I enjoyed it, so 54 seconds, a stiff upper lip starting now.

JL: But it's usually the British gent who has the stiff upper lip. Yes lads, the battle is lost, we're all mortally wounded, but...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Who's doing the talking then, if we are all mortally wounded? We're all dead!

JL: No...

PM: And you can't get a stiffer upper lip than that!

JL: You're about to die. If you're mortally wounded, you're about to die and there's nothing they can do. No sticking plasters, nothing.

NP: No I think she's got a point there. They were mortally wounded but they hadn't gone yet.

PM: Oh okay. Fair enough. And they're listening to this stirring speech!

NP: That's right, the stirring speech.

PM: Okay.

NP: From their death beds, they were encouraging them to use a stiff upper lip.

PM: Exactly.

NP: And still resist.

PM: Yeah. Be brave!

NP: Be brave, right, 44 seconds Josie, a stiff upper lip starting now.

JL: You must not show emotion. The trembling lip can never be seen on a man, or even young boy...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Have we had man before?

CN: Yes.

NP: Yes, Paul, 37 seconds still available, give us some thoughts on a stiff upper lip starting now.

PM: If you drink a cup of starch you will end up with a stiff upper lip. This is the very thing that we look for amongst the British people today. As the economy turns down and we find ourselves ranked to the list of world countries right the way down with Zimbabwe...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Repetition of down.

PM: It's a very important point.

NP: But it's repetition in Just A Minute. So Paul you have lost it, I'm afraid... you haven't lost the plot, just lost that subject. And Chris has got it, stiff upper lip, 21 seconds starting now.

CN: If you were at a party, and a man sidles up to you and says "you give me a very stiff upper lip", you know you need to look elsewhere. It's not really what you want to hear...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Sorry, there were about six yous.

CN: Oh were there?

NP: Yes.

CN: Well fair enough challenge, at least I'm not going to make a fuss about it.

NP: Josie, 12 seconds, tell us more about a stiff upper lip starting now.

JL: Stiff upper lips is what this country needs more of. Why should we show emotion, let's keep it all...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: We had emotion before.

NP: You did have emotion before. All those wounded, mortally wounded people were showing emotion and you showed emotion.

JL: Yes all right!

NP: All right, darling. Just wanted to let you know that I had heard it, right. Six seconds Paul with you, a stiff upper lip starting now.

PM: My cat was one of the bravest animals I ever knew. He had a stiff upper lip that you could iron a shirt on. It was fantastic...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's now back equal in the lead with Josie Lawrence and the other two are just two points behind, equal in second place. Paul we are back with you, we'd like you to begin the next round, spitting feathers. Will you tell us something about that strange subject in this game starting now.

PM: If a chicken isn't properly prepared for your Sunday lunch, you may well find yourself spitting feathers. It also means that you have a very dry throat. For example if you were crossing the Gobi Desert, listening to Just A Minute on the World Service and thinking to yourself, there is no sign of any liquid anywhere...

BUZZ

NP: Charles challenged.

CC: That was a hesitation.

NP: That was a hesitation Charles so spitting feathers is with you...

PM: Did I hesitate?

CC: You hesitated old darling.

NP: You definitely...

PM: Did I? I must have nodded off!

CC: They heard it around the world.

NP: Forty-two seconds Charles, spitting feathers starting now.

CC: Spitting feathers is an extraordinary expression because very few people we know actually do spit feathers. But I...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Large intake of breath, hesitation.

NP: There was enough of an intake to be a hesitation. I have to judge whether it was a just... Charles, I'm sorry.

JL: Charles your mouth's open again.

NP: He has 34 seconds, Paul spitting feathers back with you starting now.

PM: I swallowed a budgerigar on my eighth birthday and I was still spitting feathers when I was nine. It was deeply embarrassing because I had to tell my parents that the cat next door had come...

BUZZ

PM: That was the previous subject, cat.

JL: I know, I was just about to point out that he said cat in the previous subject.

NP: Right, 24 seconds Paul, still with you, spitting feathers starting now.

PM: One of the finest light heavyweight boxers in the 1920s came from Cork in Ireland. His name was Spitting Kid Feathers and he was a true champ. He would go into the ring, knock his opponents down to the canvas and all the audience gathered around would cheer his name to the rafters as they would walk through the town...

BUZZ

NP: Charles challenged.

CC: Two woulds.

NP: Yes they would and they would, yes. Two woulds yes.

PM: Yeah yeah yeah, very valid, yeah.

NP: So you've got seven seconds Charles on spitting feathers starting now.

CC: Spitting...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation! I mean I can't believe it. I mean hesitation.

CC: I've got a note here, Nicholas, that should it happen again, you'd give me the benefit of the doubt.

NP: Charles, you don't need the benefit of the doubt. It was a false challenge. Six seconds starting now.

CC: Spitting feathers can hurt, if the feathers come from an enormous ostrich. But when I swallow feathers...

WHISTLE

NP: So Charles Collingwood was then speaking as the whistle went, they're all pretty equal here, he's gone into the lead alongside Paul Merton now. Chris will you begin the next round, my advice to the other panellists. We've had quite a lot of it already but give us a bit more. Sixty seconds starting now.

CN: Should you go to a party or dinner at this time of year I find it's a good idea to have an opening gambit, something conversational to kick-start things. I don't mean anything too specific. I don't mean go up to someone and say "oh I see you've got psoriasis like me". But I just kind of ask them about my family, what they've been up to, that kind of thing. You don't want to go to these...

BUZZ

NP: Charles challenged.

CC: Repetition of thing.

NP: Oh yes you did have too many things.

CC: It was so fast I could barely understand a word you were saying. But I did hear thing twice.

PM: I did, yeah, yeah. Extraordinary!

CC: It was far too quick, wasn't it.

PM: Far too quick!

CC: Far too quick for this poor audience.

PM: I was picking one word out of a hundred.

CC: Fortunately I picked two and they were thing thing.

PM: Ah yes.

NP: And fortunately I heard it too and I have to make a judgement. So you have a correct challenge Charles. My advice to the other panellists, 44 seconds starting now.

CC: My advice to the other panellists is while I am talking, just switch off. Think of the shopping you're going to do tomorrow, so that I can speak uninterrupted...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: I'm not going to do any shopping tomorrow.

NP: Well he, so what...

CN: That's fascinating to know, dear.

NP: What is your challenge within the rules of Just A Minute, darling?

JL: He said think of the shopping you are going to do tomorrow. I am not going to do any shopping tomorrow.

CN: Yeah but you might change your mind now, he might have inspired you.

JL: Whose side are you on?

CN: Nobody's! My own!

NP: So Josie we can't accept that as a legitimate challenge so Charles you have another point and you have 37 seconds, my advice to the other panellists starting now.

CC: My advice to the other panellists when playing this esteemed game, Just A Minute, is to try and speak for a minute without hesitating...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged. Right, repetition of minute.

JL: Of minute!

NP: You have the subject, 30 seconds, my advice to the other panellists starting now.

JL: Oh yes I have four pieces of the pie.... ohhhh...

BUZZ

NP: Chris.

CN: Well that counts as hesitation, go er I like that.

NP: Chris, 27 seconds, my advice to the other panellists starting now.

CN: If I was a panellist on Question Time on the television, I would get someone to pull David Dimbleby's hair because I can't believe it's not a rug. Someone of his advanced years shouldn't...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Someone twice.

NP: There was someone yes. Eighteen seconds Josie, my advice to the other panellists starting now.

JL: Four pieces...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Sorry, was there a slight hesitation there?

NP: No no no no, she was...

PM: Are you sure?

NP: She was gathering her strength.

PM: Okay.

NP: And ah...

PM: How long does it take for this trick to be done?

CN: She's terribly weak!

NP: It took Josie a fraction longer than you.

PM: Okay.

NP: Seventeen seconds Josie, my advice to the other panellists starting now.

JL: This is my advice to the other panellists. One, always. Two, never mix lemonade with full fat milk, it doesn't taste good. Three, if you have to make a decision on something...

BUZZ

NP: Charles challenged.

CC: There were two makes.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yes make.

JL: You'll never know what the fourth one is, it was very very...

CC: Tell me later!

JL: I'm not going to tell you later. I'm going to let you suffer for the rest of your life!

NP: Five seconds, my advice to the other panellists, Charles starting now.

CC: My advice to the other panellists is listen very carefully to what those fellow...

WHISTLE

NP: So Charles Collingwood once again was speaking as the whistle went, got another point for that of course. Has moved forward, he's in a definite lead ahead of Paul Merton and Josie Lawrence. No, Josie's in second place now and she begins the next round. Josie the subject is a dark and stormy night. Sixty seconds on that dramatic subject starting now.

JL: This is the way my favourite horror stories always begin. It was a dark and stormy night. Miranda pulled back the red velvet curtains and stared...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Sorry, it's just a question. Is that how all your favourite horror stories commence?

JL: Yes.

CN: Miranda pulled back the red velvet curtains. They must get a little dull, don't they, after a while?

JL: No, I meant my horror stories always begin with "it was a dark and stormy night". And then the story.

CN: Oh okay that's fine.

NP: So are you satisfied now Chris? No you're not, it doesn't matter. It was an incorrect challenge, it was an incorrect challenge, you have another point, you have a dark and stormy night starting now.

JL: Such a dark and stormy night. The wind howled, the cloud covered the fill moon, the trees were whipped...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There were quite a lot of thes, one after another.

NP: Thes, one after the other.

CN: And what happened to Miranda?

JL: You'll never know!

NP: This is what Miranda had to suffer. Right so Paul yes, 39 seconds, a dark and stormy night starting now.

PM: Baron Frankenstein turned to his assistant Igor and said "tonight's the night..."

BUZZ

NP: Yes you've challenged Chris.

CN: You're regretting it now!

CC: I'm very sorry...

NP: Tonight's the night. Separate words right...

CN: Charles you should be ashamed of yourself.

NP: Incorrect challenge so Paul you've got another point, 34 seconds, a dark and stormy night starting now.

PM: Igor toyed...

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Igor...

CN: I keep pressing my buzzer and nothing happens!

NP: Igor you mentioned before, 33 seconds Josie, a dark and stormy night starting now.

JL: I once camped out on a dark and stormy night. I've never been so scared in all my days! I was in the middle of the Gobi Desert and you wouldn't think a storm could happen there. It was a sandstorm...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged

CN: Repetition of storm.

NP: Storm yes.

JL: Oh can't I have storm?

NP: No.

CN: Stormy.

NP: Stormy is on the card.

JL: Oh I didn't realise that.

CN: I love the way, Josie slightly batted her eyelids at me then, as if it would make the faintest bit of difference.

NP: Chris...

CN: Yes?

NP: You do have a correct challenge, 18 seconds, a dark and stormy night starting now.

CN: So many stories, like Josie's been saying, start with the idea of a dark and stormy night. Those qualities as to the weather and our environment create a scene for us which is unnerving and frightening. Curious... and other things...

BUZZ

NP: Charles.

CC: That was a hesitation.

CN: Yeah it was.

NP: Hesitation Charles...

CN: But I'm not making a fuss about it!

NP: No, six seconds...

PM: So you keep telling us!

NP: I know! A dark and stormy night Charles, six seconds starting now.

CC: It was a dark and stormy night and the wind was blowing a gale...

BUZZ

NP: Oh wait a minute, Josie challenged before the whistle. What was it?

JL: I think there was a hesitation after the gale.

NP: There was a hesitation after gale.

CN: Oh for goodness sake!

NP: And you got in with half a second to go Josie, on a dark and stormy night starting now.

JL: Dark...

WHISTLE

NP: So we are moving into the final round, I have just been told. Let me give you the situation as we do. Josie Lawrence who was complaining that she doesn't play as often as the others, but you are now, my darling, in the lead. You are two points ahead of Charles Collingwood, four ahead of Paul Merton and a few more ahead of Chris Neill. And Chris we'd like you to begin the next round. Puppy love, will you tell us something about puppy love in this game starting now.

CN: Puppy love is often used to describe the emotion between two young people when maybe the feeling isn't as profound as it could be. Normally they're quite fat as well so they've got puppy... oh no, I can't say that word again...

BUZZ

NP: Josie you've challenged.

JL: No, no challenge.

CN: Thank you darling.

NP: You've challenged, my love, you interrupted.

JL: I did, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I realised my mistake as soon as I pressed my buzzer.

NP: So you're withdrawing it, are you?

JL: I'm withdrawing it.

NP: He was interrupted so he gets a point for that.

JL: Yes I'm sorry.

CN: Thanks Josie.

NP: Chris you still have puppy love, another point and 48 seconds starting now.

CN: Puppy Love was the song by The Osmonds. (sings) And that's why...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Deviation, it was actually a hit by Donny Osmond.

CN: Oh is it?

NP: Forty-five seconds, puppy love is with you Paul starting now.

PM: Of course it's been banned now, unless of course you are a puppy as well.

BUZZ

NP: Josie challenged.

JL: Two of courses.

NP: Two of courses.

PM: Oh yes.

NP: Of course it's been banned, of course. Forty-two seconds, puppy love is back with you Josie starting now.

JL: I absolutely adored Donny Osmond in the 70s. And he sang the song Puppy Love just for me! Out...

BUZZ

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Deviation, no he didn't.

JL: He did in my teenage world.

PM: I think he sold over a million records.

CN: Yeah. I don't think he went "oh I sold it to Josie Lawrence, that's enough!"

NP: Chris let's...

CN: Move on.

NP: Let's be fair about this. When somebody says "he's singing it just for me" they do mean it sort of metaphorically.

PM: They mean it in their heart.

CN: No no, I know. I'm just trying to get out of fourth place, Nicholas! Show some pity!

NP: It doesn't matter...

PM: We could get, we could get somebody else and you could end up in fifth place! Would that do?

NP: Your contribution's delightful. Josie you have another point, you have 34 seconds on puppy love starting now.

JL: And they called it puppy love, oh I guess they'll never know, how a young girl really feels and why I love her so. I loved the bit where he used to...

BUZZ

NP: Charles challenged.

PM: No no, love and loved yeah.

CC: I not going to even say it. I was such a fool to even press my buzzer.

PM: You were.

NP: You were indeed, yes. Puppy love is with you still and 24 seconds available starting now.

JL: I love it when he says someone...

BUZZ

CN: Oh no no no, I was going to say repetition of loved but...

PM: It's on the card yeah.

CN: It's on the card.

NP: Twenty-three seconds Josie, puppy love starting now.

JL: I love it when he sang, someone help me and then repeats that phrase again, please. That is so gorgeous! My Mum had to put her finger on the knob at the back of the telly for 20 minutes when Top Of The Pops was on, because it was going funny...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Sorry we seem to have strayed away from the subject of puppy love in to Josie's Mum's sort of repairing television work.

NP: That's right, deviation from the subject.

PM: Deviation yeah.

NP: Right...

JL: It was so I could watch Donny, because the telly had gone on the blink, you see.

NP: I know what you were saying, darling. But it was deviation from puppy love. Eight seconds Paul, puppy love starting now.

PM: he had the most beautiful eyes. I went to Battersea Dog's Home. Through the window he looked up at me and I realised...

BUZZ

NP: Charles challenged.

CC: I think that he emphasised he so much that I felt it was repetition. He was really using he with a capital H. He had such beautiful eyes and he, this, that it came over as repetition. Don't you agree, darling?

SHOUTS OF "YES" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I know your wife is in the audience but don't get....

CC: Those are all my wives saying that!

NP: I think it's a little bit too precious for the success of Just A Minute.

CC: Precious? Is that a word you are using in my direction?

NP: So the benefit of the doubt goes to Paul, three seconds on puppy love Paul starting now.

PM: Yorkshire terriers are the best because when they...

WHISTLE

NP: Well I said that was to be the last round and alas it is. Chris Neill who does very well and we all laugh with him, did finish in fourth place. But it was a very fine brilliant fourth place Chris, don't worry about it. Charles Collingwood who was doing so well at one time, finished in third place. He was just behind Paul Merton. But a few points ahead was Josie Lawrence so we say Josie, you are our winner this week. Well we it only remains for me to say thank you to these four delightful players of the game, Paul Merton, Charles Collingwood, Josie Lawrence and Chris Neill. I thank Sarah Sharpe, who has helped me with the score, blown her whistle so delicately after the 60 seconds elapsed. We thank our producer Claire Jones. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this unusual and amazing unusual game. And we are grateful to this lovely audience here in the Radio Theatre. And so from our audience and from me, Nicholas Parsons, and the panel, thank you for tuning in and don't forget, tune in again the next time we play Just A Minute! Yes!

THEME MUSIC