NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!


NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners not only in this country but around the world. But to welcome to the programme four delightful, literate, humorous players of this game. And they are, seated on my right, Paul Merton and Sheila Hancock. And seated on my left, Sue Perkins and Marcus Brigstocke. Will you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Sarah Sharpe, who is going to help me with the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Radio Theatre in the heart of Broadcasting House. And once again I am going to ask these four players to speak on the subject I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And we begin the show this week with Sheila Hancock. Oh a rather erudite subject, hope over expectations. Oh yes, difficult. Right Sheila, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

SHEILA HANCOCK: Whilst speaking personally, I would always rather have hope over expectations. Hope has something winsome and unfinished about it, whereas expectations is somewhat didactic. England expects every man should do his duty. Well if I'd been one of the hundred people on the Victory, I probably would have turned around and said "no I won't". If on the other hand, the word hope had appeared in that phrase, I might have thought, well, good old Horatio, I'll have a go! Because hope springs eternal. Without hope, you can become depressed. People have expectations of you all the time and you feel like a failure. I hope that I will win this game. But the expectation of the audience and my fellow panellists is that I probably won't. Because my past history proves that many times I have not...


NP: Marcus you pressed your buzzer.

MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE: There was a small deviation. You described us as panellers rather than panellists which suggests that we are about to beat some panels into shape.

NP: I think we all knew that she...

SH: Yeah Paul has made panels.

NP: ... meant panellists.

MB: Yeah the thing is that I knew she meant panellists but I think, the point of the game somewhat...

NP: I think you are being a little bit pedantic.

SH: No, go on, give it to him!

MB: OH sorry...

SH: How many, how many more minutes?

MB: So easy to misjudge it, isn't it.

SH: How many more seconds.

NP: Darling you've already gone for 48 seconds.

SH: Have I?

NP: Yes.

MB: And I spoiled it!

NP: I think that in fairness and justice, I'm giving Sheila the benefit of the doubt on this occasion.

MB: Quite right.

NP: And I will try to give it to you some time later Marcus.

MB: I wouldn't.

NP: Twelve and a half seconds Sheila, hope over expectations starting now.

SH: Now the expectation that I will win this round is...


NP: Sue challenged.

SUE PERKINS: Repetition of win.

SH: Yeah go on then, you can have that.

NP: You talked about winning before yes, your flow was interrupted and you didn't pick it up again. What a pity! But 10 seconds are still available for you Sue on hope over expectations starting now.

SP: The phrase hope over expectations adequately describes all of the relationships that I've had to date. In fact the key and single factor in the collapse of each and every one of them is me!


NP: Oh right. So Sue was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. She's now one ahead of Paul and the others, and it's Sheila. It's Marcus's turn to begin. Marcus here's a subject for you because you do a lot of work with the news and sending it up and everything. But we've got the subject of 24 hour news for you, 60 seconds starting now.

MB: The trick with being a 24 hour news broadcaster is to keep talking and try to avoid repetition, deviation and hesitation. Because that will really upset people. The problem for many of these reporters...


NP: Paul challenged.

PAUL MERTON: Well yeah, I think it's deviation you see. Because Marcus is saying there one thing you can't do is repetition. Of course, 24 hour news is all about repetition. It's the same thing over and over again until something vaguely new happens.

NP: I think what he was trying to convey was...

PM: Oh this is the benefit of the doubt here is it.

SP: Yeah he's begun.

NP: I know it is repetitious in that sense, but he was trying to convey...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... that you do keep going with news...

PM: Without repeating yourself. Yeah that's right! Absolutely right!

SP: Or deviating, going into say gardening.

PM: Yeah.

NP: He has the benefit of the doubt, he continues, 24 hour news, 47 seconds available Marcus starting now.

MB: Today the Minister for not wearing a tie performed a spectacular U-turn as he left his house wearing a strand of silk. Is the...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of wearing.

NP: Yes too many wearings.

MB: Yes of course.

NP: Twenty-four hour news Paul, starting now.

PM: I was on holiday in Italy once. And the only television station you could pick up in English was C, well, I can't tell you what the station was actually...


PM: CNN! CNN! Repetitious, CNN, so I said station instead!

NP: You said station.

PM: I've been playing this game for years, you know! Years I've been playing this game!

NP: Oh right Sue, you challenged first.

SP: Yes hesitation as he realised he was about to double N.

NP: Sue, 32 seconds for 24 hour news starting now.

SP: I love American rolling news where you get people called Chad Fadmeyer and Susan Wolfstein who look earnestly into the camera. He is 105 years old, she is 21, pert, with enormous hooters and measurements I would kill for. They have nothing to say and fill the time mindlessly conjecturing what might happen if news had occurred. Imagine Sam if something had actually gone on...


NP: Ah Sheila challenged.

SH: Didn't we have Sam before? Her name Sam?

SP: Before she was called something, I can't remember what she was called.

PM: Yes.

NP: She wasn't called Sam.

SP: Susan.

SH: Oh was she? Oh right.

SP: Now looking desperately to the audience.

PM: Yes.

SP: All my four eyes trained in desperation.

NP: It was Susan.

SH: Right okay.

NP: So Sheila, incorrect challenge, Sue you still have the subject, you have eight seconds, 24 hour news starting now.

SP: I particularly like the royal correspondents on 24 hour news...


NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Well that's deviation from the truth, no-one likes them! I mean, once the news gets going and you realise no-one's got anything to say, then they cut to the royal correspondent who has even less than that...

NP: Marcus she wasn't deviating within the rules of Just A Minute.

MB: Oh I see.

NP: But the audience enjoyed your interjection so I will give you a bonus point because they enjoyed it. Sue gets a point because she was interrupted, four seconds Sue, 24 hour news starting now.

SP: Witchell hanging around Balmoral, wondering what pants Kate Middleton will be wearing come April.


NP: Right so Sue again was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point and others in the round. She's now got a strong lead ahead of all of the others.

SP: And I haven't even had my benefit of the doubt!

PM: No.

NP: No no, but you do start the next round.

SP: Oh okay.

NP: And it is emergency stop. You don't have many of those in this game but it is the subject, talk on it if you can, 60 seconds starting now.

SP: The emergency stop is one of the key manoeuvres in the British driving test. I know, I failed it seven times. My instructor took to calling me Vera because I veered all over the road. How hilarious! He would slam the clipboard down on the front of the dashboard and I would try to manoeuvre my legs one after the other to brake...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well I'm not sure, I was going to say repetition of manoeuvre but I think it was manoeuvres and manoeuvre actually so...

NP: Yes yes.

PM: I was going to say repetition but I don't think it's right.

NP: I don't think it's right either.

PM: No.

NP: No, so an incorrect challenge Sue.

PM: Yeah.

SP: So I'm still on emergency stops?

NP: Yes, right, 38 seconds...

SP: Here we go!

NP: Emergency stop starting now.

SP: It's left me with an incredible fear of men moving...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Slight hesitation I thought, didn't you.

NP: I, I don't think actually she did hesitate.

PM: No no, give her... you're right, you're right, give her the benefit of the doubt, that's right.

NP: I am going to.

PM: Absolutely!

NP: She wanted the benefit of the doubt...

PM: Yeah.

SP: Not, not on this topic Nicholas. Is the benefit of the doubt a reversible situation?

MB: If you can't do the emergency stop, you're certainly not allowed to reverse.

SP: No.

NP: Sue you have the benefit of the doubt, you have another point, you have 35 seconds, emergency stop starting now.

SP: The point of the emergency stop is to brake sharply so you avoid things like kittens. I've never come across a small cat...


NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: That is a deviation within the highway code.

PM: Absolutely.

MB: It is very clear that if you see an animal in the road, you're absolutely not to brake. In fact I think they advise you to accelerate! In order, in order to hit the beast. But you're not supposed to brake for an animal so it's deviation.

NP: You're quite right, you mustn't brake for an animal there.

MB: No.

SP: You mustn't brake for an animal? What? Even a little kitten in the road? Look just...

PM: A little kitten on a moped?

NP: Darling, darling, this...

PM: Coming across the traffic lights.

NP: This is an emergency stop...

SP: Help me, it's going.

PM: Yeah help me. Can you hear that kitten, Nicholas? Help me! Can you hear that kitten now?

SP: Help me!

NP: You put your...

SP: Help me!

NP: You put your...

SP: Help! I've got massive eyes. Massive eyes! Don't crush them!

PM: That little kitten is asking you for help, Nicholas.

NP: Right.

SP: Meow!

NP: What I was going to say is you put your brakes on and try to slow down to avoid it, you do not do an emergency stop because...

SP: But I'm just a kitten!

PM: Yeah.

MB: There are different rules for rhinoceroses.

NP: Well in that case you'd just come to a stop.

MB: Yes.

NP: But Sue I mean, you are at least last person to be kitten-like really!

SP: I've got a softer side Nicholas as well you know! Come on, remember Stevenage last year?

NP: I know!

PM: Stevenage? Is this true, Nicholas?

NP: Well if Sue says so, her memory is better than mine.

SP: You cad! You told me you'd remember forever!

NP: Marcus, correct challenge, emergency stop...

SP: Hallelujah!

NP: ... with you, 28 seconds starting now.

MB: The shortest and most alarming telegram I ever received simply read "emergency stop". I had no idea who it was from. I simply knew that something terrible had happened and I must leap into action as fast as I possibly could. So I got inside my car and sped off. Unfortunately for me a small child ran in front of the vehicle and I confused him for a kitten so I accelerated...


NP: Paul you challenged.

PM: I pressed the emergency stop. Ah well I didn't know where we were going with this. Deviation.

NP: Why?

PM: What? Why?

NP: He said he saw a small child and he didn't know whether to do an emergency stop or not. We did enjoy what you said Marcus, it was very very funny.

MB: Oh good.

NP: But Paul, you have a correct challenge, a point to you, four seconds, emergency stop starting now.

PM: An emergency stop is indicated such as this. The driver says to you "I want this emergency..."


NP: So Paul Merton was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's moved forward, he's still behind Sue Perkins in the lead, then there is Marcus Brigstocke and Sheila Hancock in that order. Paul we are back with you to begin, oh the subject, a lovely one, rubbish! Tell us something about rubbish in this game starting now.

PM: The world is creating tons upon a lot of...


PM: What happened then? What happened then?

NP: Sue.

SP: Hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation.

PM: Was there?

NP: Yeah. You didn't get out the alternate word to rubbish. Sue, rubbish with you, 57 seconds starting now.

SP: I love a good bin-man. The way they turn up at a house at half past five whistling cheerly, as if that wasn't enough. I don't know what cheerly is but possibly it's a derivation of the word...


PM: What it is is repetition.

NP: Yes cheerly. Paul you got it back again...

PM: Yes didn't I.

NP: You've got a point, you've got 48 seconds...

PM: Yeah.

NP: You've got rubbish, you haven't got rubbish, but the subject is rubbish and you start now.

PM: When I look at our chairman, Mister Nicholas Parsons, and I think of the subject rubbish, I realise that he is completely incompatible with that particular theme. Rubbish is something we associate with no longer needed. We throw it out of our house, deposit it in our dustbins, it is to be gone. Is clutter rubbish that is yet to be thrown out, I wonder. We look at our lives and...


NP: Sheila challenged.

SH: Have we had thrown out before.

NP: Yes Sheila, you have a correct challenge.

SH: Oh really?

NP: And you have 25 seconds on rubbish starting now.

SH: It's very complicated, throwing out the rubbish these days, because there is so many different coloured bags. There's orange ones for paper and tins. There's green for gardens...


NP: Sue challenged.

SP: Slight hesitation?

NP: Yeah there was.

SP: Wondering the nature of the greens.

SH: (elongating words) Green for gardens.

NP: Green is for paper.

PM: I thought it was the beginning of a song. It sounded lovely!

SP: It was mellifluous, it was.

NP: Sue you got in on rubbish, got in on rubbish, I love that! And 16 seconds starting now.

SP: I try to recycle as much as possible and not put too much in the rubbish. Once I saw turtles who Marcus would happily kill if in fact they crossed roads, then swirling in a midst...


NP: Oh Sheila challenged.

SH: Well she, she was hesitating.

NP: Yes she was yes. You got it back again, six seconds available, rubbish starting now.

SH: I once did a play at the Royal Court. And somebody in the audience stood up and said "rubbish" and I was so grateful because it absolutely was rubbish...


NP: So Sheila Hancock was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. She's now moved forward, equal with Marcus Brigstocke in third place, just behind Paul, and then out in the lead still is Sue Perkins. And Sheila we'd like you to begin the next round. The subject is celebrity spotting, 60 seconds starting... oh give you a chance to write it down, all right.

SH: Yes I have to write it down because if it goes to somebody else, I forget what it is when it comes back to me.

NP: It's a very good idea, that's why you have the pad and paper in front of you. Celebrity spotting, 60 seconds Sheila starting now.

SH: This is something I have done all my life. It started when I was in a show in the West End and I was madly in love with an actor called Paul Schofield. Also a friend of mine who was gay was also a...


NP: Oh dear! Sue challenged.

SP: Repetition of was also.

NP: Was also there.

SH: Oh yes.

NP: Also in love, right, 48 seconds, celebrity spotting Sue, starting now.

SP: I once hyperventilated in a supermarket on seeing Jeanette Cranky and that's as close to a celebrity spot as one would wish to get. In normal gear, not the coquettish young schoolboy outfit we'd come to know and admire. In the flesh, a small Glaswegian woman-man...


NP: Sheila challenged.

SH: Small?

NP: Yeah, too small.

SH: We had small before.

SP: She is very small.

NP: Yes, so Sheila, well listened, you got back in again on celebrity spotting and there are 32 seconds available starting now.

SH: And I discovered where this said actor used to go between the matinee and...


NP: Sue challenged.

SP: Repetition of actor.

NP: Oh yes, there was another actor, the other one.

PM: Yes.

NP: Celebrity spotting with you Sue, 29 seconds starting now.

SP: It's strange when you see a celebrity in that you expect them to be somehow august or grandiose. But they're usually shuffling around in slippers with an open fly around Tesco Metro...


NP: Sheila's challenged.

SH: I don't think that's altogether true.

SP: You tell that to Richard Madeley!

SH: I mean...

PM: You've never done that, have you Nicholas. You've never walked around a...

NP: Well I mean at my age, sometimes, you do forget to zip up sometimes.

PM: Yeah.

SH: Oh Nick! Too much information!

SP: Yeah. That would be a celebrity spot though, wouldn't it Sheila.

NP: As Bob Hope, as Bob Hope said when telling that gag, it's when you forget to zip down.

PM: Yes.

NP: Yes celebrity spotting with you Sheila and 18 seconds starting now.

SH: In the 1950s I was doing a LP at Abbey Road and we came out and there was a pea-souper fog on. So we couldn't see in front of our hands, we had to go down the Tube. And down amongst the crowd...


NP: Oh Paul challenged.

PM: Sadly repetition of down.

NP: Yes, you went down too much, my darling.

SH: Yes as I said it...

PM: Yes.

SH: ... it was like an electric shock.

PM: Was it?

SH: Yes.

NP: Paul you've got in with five seconds to go, celebrity spotting starting now.

PM: Celebrity spotting, well, I just look in the mirror and there I am!


PM: Who buzzed that! Who buzzed that!

SH: Me! Me!

PM: Who buzzed then! Who buzzed then!

NP: Sheila.

PM: Outrageous!

SH: He was so pleased with himself then, there was a long pause after am!

PM: There was no long pause.

SH: There was a long pause.

PM: Rubbish!

SH: There was!

PM: I've come all the way from Great Portland Street to do this show!

SH: They shouldn't have women on the show!

NP: I should explain to our listeners those are two phrases from the past which Kenneth Williams used to use. And...

SH: Always when I was on the show. We shouldn't have women on the show!

SP: It must have made you feel so welcome.

NP: Right so Sheila, yes...

PM: Yes?

NP: Oh yes.

SH: Definitely! Definitely!

NP: Paul you looked in the mirror...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... celebrity spotting...

SH: Here I am!

NP: So overcome with your image you couldn't do anything else but pause.

SP: You've got no repetition, deviation, hesitation or narcissism apparently.

PM: I'm not, you're not allowed to bask!

NP: You can do whatever you want...

PM: I can do whatever I want.

NP: Not in Just A Minute.

PM: Not in Just A Minute.

NP: Because it's pausing.

PM: I can walk around Tesco's with my flies open! But I can't...

SP: It was you!

PM: It was me, yeah. Hanging around the delicatessen. That's you doing that, that's you doing that.

NP: The images you create Paul...

PM: Yes.

NP: And it's going round like a little ripple through the audience.

PM: Yeah. So how long did I hesitate for?

SH: You, you didn't start again. You stopped, you stopped.

NP: So Sheila...

SH: You wait till you hear it.

NP: You cleverly got in with one second to go.

SH: That's Clement Freud's trick! I learnt that one!

NP: But you're certainly playing the game with great shrewdness. Right, one second on celebrity spotting Sheila, starting now.

SH: Orson Welles.


NP: So Sheila Hancock was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. And she's now moved into second place behind Sue Perkins and she's one ahead of Paul Merton and two or three ahead of Marcus Brigstocke in that order. Well of course it's that order because that's the way I read it out. Marcus will you begin the next round.

MB: Yes.

NP: The subject here is rulers. Tell us something about rulers in this game starting now.

MB: When I was a young man at school, I was beaten across the back of the legs with a ruler. Unluckily for me, the ruler in question was Louis the Sixteenth...


NP: Sheila.

SH: He repeated ruler and it is rulers on the card.

SP: Oh that's forensic!

SH: I'm getting there!

PM: It's turned into that sort of programme, has it?

NP: Right, well listened, very shrewd. Right...

MB: I was pronouncing it with a silent S. As in avocado.

SH: Don't worry, you'll get it back, I've got nothing to say about rulers.

NP: Haven't you? We'll see, 53 seconds starting now.

SH: When I was at school we used rulers to draw lines on the paper...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Deviation.

NP: Why?

PM: Well she said she had nothing to say on rulers.

NP: I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt.

PM: Yes absolutely.

SH: Do I get an extra point for him interrupting me?

NP: That's right darling.

SH: Oh good.

NP: Not an extra point, you get the point because you were interrupted. And 49 seconds, rulers starting now.

SH: To do our writing in...


NP: Sue challenged.

SP: Slight hesitation?

SH: Oh...

NP: Darling you're getting too sharp for your own good.

SP: Yeah I lost myself then in a miasma of competitiveness.

NP: Yes Sheila, another point to you, interruption, 47 seconds, rulers starting now.

SH: Elizabeth the First, Charles the First...


SH: Oh! Oh pathetic!

NP: Of all the Kings and Queens you could have chosen...

SH:I know! I got above myself, didn't I!

NP: Marcus you got in first and there are 43 seconds available, rulers starting now.

MB: The best thing to use rulers for is to flick wet bits of paper at other boys. And that is how you get beaten across the back of...


NP: Sue challenged.

SP: Repetition of beaten across the back of. I know it paints a painful memory though.

MB: Yes yes...

SP: It's going to come back.

MB: Yes repetition was the theme of the beatings as I remember. On account of the fact that we had to count them out. And then say thank you. Still, boarding school, good value.

NP: Are you all right, Marcus?

MB: No I had a small, a small seizure when I realised my parents didn't love me much.

NP: Thirty-six seconds Sue, rulers starting now.

SP: My favourite ruler is Marie Antoinette who governed France for several years and was a much maligned historical figure. She was dragged from Austria as just a teenager, and spent three weeks crossing the mountains to finally meet her boyfriend Louis...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Sorry, did you say she was dragged from Austria.

NP: Yes.

SP: Yes she was.

PM: Literally dragged from Austria?

SP: Well she was in like a sedan chair, so it's a sort of semi-dragging. When it got tired, it felt like a drag.

NP: Metaphorically speaking...

PM: Oh metaphorically speaking!

SH: All the way from Austria!

SP: All the way there.

PM: Metaphorically speaking she was dragged all the way from Austria.

SH: All across the mountains in a sedan chair!

SP: Three weeks it took.

PM: Yeah, it took a long time.

SP: It's a long time.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Benefit of the doubt to Sue Perkins.


NP: And the audience agree. Nineteen seconds, rulers with you Sue, starting now.

SP: She yodelled all the way in...


SP: I was telling you the facts Sheila!

SH: Not me! I'm quite ready to believe you.

NP: No, Paul challenged.

PM: Didn't we have all the way before? She was...

NP: Yes, she was dragged all the way yes. And I don't think she yodelled either.

PM: I think she was metaphorically yodelling. Don't you?

NP: No, you'll never let those sort of things lie, will you Paul?

PM: No I don't, no.

SP: The yodel occurred.

NP: Rulers with you Paul, 17 seconds starting now.

PM: Lady Jane Grey had one of the shortest reigns of any English monarch, a matter of a few days. She was there used as a political...


NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Yeah the, sort of hesitation really.

NP: No, there wasn't.

MB: Well I thought there was, that's why I buzzed in. It was I suppose the change in rhythm when Paul went "she... was ... there".

NP: It was a change of rhytm.

MB: Yeah. It sounded like he was commentating a horse race.

PM: I wasn't doing it like Murray Walker, was I? Commentating. She was there! In the final lap!

NP: Paul you still have the subject.

PM: Have I?

NP: Nine seconds, rulers starting now.

PM: Henry the Eighth had six wives and I shall take up the intervening time by telling you exactly their names. The first one was called Catherine of Aragon and she...


NP: So Paul Merton was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. And we are moving into the final round.

PM: Ah.

SP: Oooohhhh.

NP: I thought I'd get more reaction than that. I thought you'd like to know the situation as we go into the thing. Sue Perkins is still in the lead, she is a few points ahead of Sheila Hancock and Paul Merton who are equal in second place and then comes Marcus Brigstocke. And Sue we would like you to begin the next round. Something in the news a lot, wags. Tell us something about wags in this game starting now.

SP: Wags stands for Wasted Argumentative Gossipy Slatterns. They're often seen around football pitches, not really understanding the rules of the beautiful game. The off-side is no brook to their sensibility...


NP: Sheila challenged.

SH: Was that a hesitation?

SP: A dramatic embellishment.

NP: No, I think she dragged the words out. I gave you the benefit of the doubt last time Sheila, this time it goes to Sue. She still keeps the subject, wgas, 45 seconds Sue starting now.

SP: Wags think a transfer window is something you get burgers out of at a drive-by McDonalds. Their main preoccupation seems to be buying handbags, not a particular retail experience I am familiar with. Nonetheless they clutter up Rodeo Drive or wherever they might be in Madrid or some other places, following their beloved spouses as they kick...


NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Yeah I think it's a deviation, I think the word beloved is overstating the relationship.

NP: Oh Marcus, a lovely challenge. But the thing is that's the way Sue could see it.

MB: Yes.

SP: Some of them are genuinely in love.

NP: Yes they...

SP: Look at their syruppy faces.

NP: And they will say vocally that they are, I'm with my beloved.

SP: They're like well in love, Marcus.

NP: So Sue...

MB: (in woman's voice) Unless he gets moved to Portsmouth, then I'm not staying with him.

SP: Oh my days, not Portsmouth, no way man.

NP: So Sue, another incorrect challenge for you which gives you another point, and 25 seconds available, wags starting now.

SP: The look is simple. Bouncy hair like they've just stepped out of a salon. And they have, that's all they seem to do. The fingernails manicured to the point of perfection, sparkling with cuticles that you can see your face in. Yes I'm jealous! And everything that I say...


NP: Sheila challenged.

SH: Repetition of yes.

NP: Yes there were many yeses.

SH: And I think you're being a little cruel, Sue.

SP: Well no, that's why I said it comes from jealousy.

SH: It's a little spiteful if I might say so. I think both of you are being a bit unfair.

SP: As I say it comes from a position of envy.

NP: Very charmingly and very sensitively said, Sheila. Right and you have the subject now with another point of course. Nine seconds, wags starting now.

SH: My cat wags his tail when he is angry. He looks at me and growls...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well it is repetition of he.

NP: Yes there was.

PM: A bit like repetition of yes. Do you remember? The one that Sheila's just done?

SH: No, yes has got three letters.

PM: Do you remember how the game is played, ladies and gentlemen?

NP: Oh it's all going haywire. Four seconds for you Paul, on wags starting now.

PM: When I look in the mirror, I think "I'm a celebrity, where's my wag?"


NP: I'll give you the final situation, Marcus Brigstocke finished in fourth place.

MB: Yes.

NP: In third place was Sheila Hancock with a magnificent 12 points. She was three points behind Paul Merton in second place. But out in the lead was the incomparable Sue Perkins so we say Sue you are the winner this week. It only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine intrepid players of the game, Paul Merton, Sheila Hancock, Sue Perkins and Marcus Brigstocke. I thank Sarah Sharpe, who has helped me with the score, she has blown that whistle most delicately after the 60 seconds elapsed. We thank Tilusha Ghelani who is our producer. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And we are grateful to this lovely audience here in the Radio Theatre who have cheered us on our way magnificently. From the audience, from me Nicholas Parsons and the team, good-bye. Tune in the next time we play Just A Minute! Yes!