JAM:PMerton,CFreud,SHancock,DMitchell
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, CLEMENT FREUD, SHEILA HANCOCK and DAVID MITCHELL, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 23 February 2009)

NOTE: David Mitchell's first appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners in this country and of course around the world. But also to welcome to the show this week four exciting, dynamic and diverse personalities who are going to play Just A Minute. And they are, seated on my right, with great pleasure we welcome that great exponent of this game, that fine comedian, Paul Merton. And seated beside him another fine exponent of this show, that veteran player of the game, Clement Freud. And seated on my left, we welcome back after a long absence that brilliant and superb actress, Sheila Hancock. And seated beside her, somebody who has never played the game before, who has come with confidence and trepidation into this here, that is that wonderful comedian and actor David Mitchell. Please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Sarah Sharpe, who is going to help me keep the score, run the stopwatch, and blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Radio Theatre in the heart of Broadcasting House. And we have a very excited, warmed up audience here in front of us, longing for us to begin the show. And David we'd like you to take the first subject which is Cinderella. Can you tell us something about Cinderella in this game starting now.

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: You know, people think, because someone hasn't played the game before, that you should be kind to them. But he hesitated!

NP: Clement...

CF: It was a most obvious hesitation.

NP: Clement, he didn't hesitate. An incorrect challenge.

DAVID MITCHELL: Thank you very much. I'll make sure not to hesitate this time! All right?

NP: So you have your first point...

DM: Thank you! That's actually a rate of point scoring of infinity per word!

NP: Yes and...

DM: I'll never keep it up!

NP: But you're getting your laughs as well, which is great. You have 59 and three quarter seconds...

DM: Nearly there!

NP: ... to continue with Cinderella starting now.

DM: Cinderella is a pantomime and a fairy tale. And if you're running a regional theatre, you'll be aware that you'll make more money if you put Cinderella on than any of the other stories that you can base that kind of show on around Christmas, such as Mother Goose of Dick Whittington. They'll all take less cash for you, because even though everybody knows the story of Cinderella, people don't really go to the theatre...

BUZZ

NP: Sheila challenged.

SHEILA HANCOCK: Is it repetition of story?

NP: Yes that's right.

DM: Yeah.

NP: Yes he did mention story right at the beginning.

DM: Yeah!

SHOUTS OF "AWWWWWW" FROM THE AUDIENCE

SH: Well!

NP: Sheila you have a correct challenge, you have the subject of Cinderella and there are 37 seconds available starting now.

SH: When I was young and lithe, I actually appeared in Cinderella playing...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PAUL MERTON: You mean you're not live now?

SH: Lithe!

PM: Oh, lithe? Sorry! I'm awfully sorry. Just the people at home thought we might have been listening to a recording!

SH: I get a point! I get a point!

NP: L-I-T-H-E, I think there is an E at the end, isn’t there?

SH: Yeah. Yeah.

NP: And you had an incorrect challenge, you have another point, you've got your first point actually and there are 33 seconds starting now.

SH: I played principal boy, both Prince Charming, and on another occasion, Dandini, who is Prince...

BUZZ

NP: Ah yes.

PM: Repetition of Prince.

SH: I'm afraid so, yeah.

NP: That's right and so Paul, you have Cinderella. Or you have the subject of Cinderella...

PM: What a good fit!

NP: Twenty-six seconds available starting now.

PM: I was once...

BUZZ

NP: Oh Sheila you've challenged.

SH: Well I just thought it might be hesitation, but it wasn't. You buzzed as well, didn't you?

DM: Oh yes I definitely buzzed as well.

SH: We both thought it was hesitation.

NP: You thought it was going to be hesitation?

SH: Yeah.

NP: You can't have anticipatory challenges.

SH: No I know, we just wanted to get our oar in, didn't we?

DM: Yes sometimes you can tell when someone is...

NP: You got your oar in magnificently, you've got two or three points...

SH: Have I?

NP: And you've been doing very well on Cinderella, told us how you starred in it many times. And Paul's now got the subject, 25 seconds to go, Cinderella starting now.

PM: I did a TV version, and myself and Ronnie Corbett played Ugly Sisters. And it's a wonderful role to play in a pantomime, you get the chance...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of play?

SH: Played.

NP: No no, thank you audience, you're very kind.

CF: I just wanted to get in.

NP: No he didn't say played Ugly Sisters, he said we were the Ugly Sisters.

CF: Yeah.

NP: So it was a good attempt Clement, but it's an incorrect challenge, Paul has another point.

PM: It wasn't a bad challenge Clement, it was just a challenge that was just mistaken in its beliefs.

SH: Don't be kind to him!

PM: There's no bad challenges, just some more idiotic than others!

NP: Paul there are 18 seconds available, Cinderella starting now.

PM: If you get the chance to dress up in female clothing for a laugh, it's enormous fun...

BUZZ

NP: David challenged.

DM: Deviation, he's talking about cross-dressing now so...

PM: Ugly Sister!

DM: No but...

PM: Obviously it's a pleasure!

DM: In the story of Cinderella, the Ugly Sister is actually a woman, I think.

NP: But also the Ugly Sisters put on female clothes and they are usually fellows, and so it's cross-dressing, yes, you're perfectly right. But that's one of the parts of pantomime, isn't it.

DM: Okay, I thought, I, I thought...

NP: I'll tell you what, David we enjoyed the interruption and the laugh you got, so we give you a bonus point for that and Paul has a point for being interrupted. You've got this audience with you. And he has 13 seconds still available Paul, Cinderella starting now.

PM: The highlight of the production was when Cinderella came down the stairs and upon her feet she wore a glass slipper. But then as she turned for the finger buffet...

BUZZ

NP: David challenged.

DM: Well deviation, she must have been wearing two glass slippers on her feet, not just one.

PM: This is her on her way out when she'd left one behind.

DM: Oh yeah?

SH: You said coming down.

DM: You've just ruined the end of the story for me!

PM: If you haven't heard it by now...

NP: Paul another incorrect challenge, four seconds, Cinderella starting now.

PM: The Birmingham Hippodrome was a magnificent theatre and there I saw...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's now taken the lead ahead of Clement Freud and David Mitchell and Sheila Hancock are trailing just a few points behind. And Clement would you begin the next round, beefeaters. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

CF: If you are a vegetarian and want to be a beefeater, it would be sensible to wear a fur hat. Oddly enough the history of the word comes...

BUZZ

CF: Could you start Merton looking at me while I talk?

NP: I should explain to our listeners the reason we got that continuous chuckle going around the audience is that we were, all of us were rather surprised about what Clement was saying and Paul particularly was looking at him in a very strange way. He put him off completely so he dried up, which is very unusual for...

CF: I didn't dry up.

NP: What did you do then?

CF: I wanted a bonus point for being looked at!

NP: So there we are, so no, you were interrupted and I'm afraid, Paul, what was your challenge?

PM: Oh hesitation.

NP: Yes indeed, complete halt.

PM: Yes it was.

NP: Forty-eight seconds, beefeaters starting now.

PM: You see them walking around the Tower of London. I don't really know why they are called beefeaters. I'm sure it's got nothing to do with their consumption of animal meat. But maybe it has. Perhaps in the dark days of Lady Jane Grey, her continued support of...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Lady Jane Grey didn't really have continued support.

NP: Clement, that...

PM: You don't count the week?

NP: ... that is open to debate. She had continuous support for five days while she reigned.

PM: Yeah. Not so much after that!

NP: After that, no! All her support fell away.

PM: Yeah.

NP: And so did her head unfortunately!

PM: Yeah.

NP: So I don't know what to say on that particular one. It's a clever challenge so let me give you the bonus point which you love. There you are, the audience agree with me. Paul it was an incorrect challenge within the rules of Just A Minute so you have another point, 35 seconds, beefeaters starting now.

PM: There was a pub nearby where I used to live in Fulham, that advertised steak at two pounds 95 for a huge ten pounder thing and I thought that must...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of pound.

NP: There was a pound, yes.

PM: Pounder.

CF: No.

NP: Pounder.

PM: Pound and pounder.

NP: That's right.

CF: The er didn't...

PM: Did I, did I say...

CF: Booo!

PM: Did I say pounder?

NP: You did say pounder.

PM: Okay.

NP: Definitely. No Clement, you're sitting next to him but he did say pounder.

PM: Yeah.

NP: I'm further away and so are the audience and they heard pounder as well, didn't you, audience?

SHOUTS OF "YES" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: There we are, endorsement! Twenty-seven seconds, beefeaters still with you Paul starting now.

PM: Still with me?

NP: Yes, 27 seconds...

BUZZ

PM: I thought, sorry, didn't you say I had said pounder twice? I hadn't...

NP: No you hadn't said...

PM: I didn't think I had.

NP: You said pound and pounder.

PM: Yeah that's right, yeah.

NP: But Clement's challenged you.

CF: Deviation.

NP: Why?

CF: He didn't talk about the subject. He said, "do you mean me?"

NP: Are you going to challenge him for hesitation or repetition...

CF: No.

NP: ... or deviation?

CF: Deviation.

NP: No he didn't deviate because he hadn't actually started.

PM: I am a beefeater and I said "do you mean me?"

NP: Twenty-six seconds Paul, beefeaters starting now.

PM: Do you mean me? Yes he does and so beefeaters...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition.

PM: Of do you mean me!

NP: Clement you've cracked it! Right you're in there with a correct challenge, 23 seconds, beefeaters starting now.

CF: In France the yeoman who protected the Kings were called...

BUZZ

NP: David challenged.

DM: I thought that was hesitation.

NP: No he was going a bit slowly but I don't think...

DM: No? All right.

NP: Benefit of the doubt to you Clement, because I know you are very intense about this one, 19 seconds still, beefeaters starting now.

CF: It was their job to ensure that no-one poisoned Louis the 9th, 10th, 11th...

BUZZ

NP: Sheila Hancock.

SH: He's not talking about beefeaters, he's talking about the yeomen in France.

NP: That's right, he is, so that is deviation.

SH: Deviation.

NP: So you have the subject now Sheila.

SH: Oh Gawd!

NP: Twelve seconds on beefeaters starting now.

SH: As far as I know the beefeaters in the Tower look after the ravens. And I believe if you...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: I think there's quite a bit of jewellery there as well. Not only ravens, it's the Crown Jewels they're looking after!

SH: Yeah but the ravens need feeding, the jewellery doesn't!

NP: And also, I mean it's perfectly correct, they do look after the ravens. They might look after the jewellery as well. But they do have a commitment to the ravens.

PM: Yeah.

DM: I think, I think Securicorps looks after the jewellery now.

SH: Yeah, it isn't, it isn't the real jewellery anyway. It's false.

NP: And Securicorps couldn't care...

PM: The Queen was looking a bit cheap at the last opening of Parliament, wasn't she! That Crown came from a pound shop, I thought!

NP: So Sheila you had an incorrect challenge, you've still got the subject, seven seconds, beefeaters starting now.

SH: I have a photograph of me as a little girl standing next to the beefeaters in the tower with the ravens...

BUZZ

NP: And Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of tower.

SH: Oh yes.

NP: You mentioned tower before yes.

SH: Yes.

NP: So Paul you cleverly got in...

SH: Oh he's got one second! He's doing Clement’s trick!

NP: One second to go, yes, but it's the rules of the game. One second to go Paul, beefeaters starting now.

PM: Medium rare!

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round Paul was then again speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's increased his lead slightly over Clement, who's increased his position over Sheila Hancock and David Mitchell in that order. And Sheila will you begin the next round. Sisters, what a lovely subject for you starting now.

SH: I'm particularly interested in sisters at the moment, because I am about to start rehearsing a musical called Sister Act which is a play about nuns. I as a little girl went to a convent for a little while called St Ethelreaders in Ely Place, Holborn. The sisters were extremely kind to me because I hated the smell of the incense. So I was allowed to sit in the glass partition at the back on their knees. And I used to think of how odd it was that they were so fond of children but they chose not to have them. Then later I went to Spain and there was a monastery in Haviar where you could buy cakes. You put money on a little roundabout and out came a cake made by the...

BUZZ

SH: Oh bugger!

NP: Clement's challenged.

SH: Oh I was doing well too! Wasn't I! But repetition of cake.

PM: No it was cake and cakes.

CF: Cake and cakes.

NP: No it was cake and cakes, you said.

SH: Oh was it?

CF: No I didn't do it for repetition.

SH: What was it?

CF: For saying oh.

SH: Oh?

CF: When I buzzed you.

SH: Oh. Am I not allowed to...

CF: Okay, bad challenge again.

NP: No you did say cakes first.

SH: Oh did I?

NP: Then you put the money in and you got a cake.

SH: Right.

NP: So it was single and plural.

SH: Okay.

NP: So you're all right.

SH: All right.

NP: You've scored another point, you've got 14 seconds, you've still got sisters starting now.

SH: I got chatting to these sisters and they invited me...

BUZZ

PM: Sorry.

NP: That's all right yes?

SH: It's on the card!

PM: I know.

NP: It's on the card, yes.

SH: Thanks, thanks, that's an extra point, wrong challenge!

PM: Sorry, yes I was challenging for sisters, I thought it was sister on the card.

NP: No no, it's sisters. How long have you been playing the game Paul?

PM: I feel as if I nodded off, and when I woke up... I panicked.

SH: I know! It's unbelievably boring but I am keeping going!

PM: Exactly! The secret of this game!

NP: They're enjoying it and they're discovering something fascinating about your early childhood.

SH: Yes.

NP: I'm enjoying it too.

SH: Good!

NP: I want to know more about the cakes.

SH: Well I can't think of anything more to say about that but I'll try.

NP: Well you've got 11 seconds.

SH: Have I?

NP: Think very rapidly, let the adrenaline pump...

SH: Right.

NP: Sisters is still with you starting now.

SH: When I was young there were acts called the Beverley Sisters and the Andrews Sisters, who sang songs and medleys and were beautiful. One of the numbers was Sisters...

WHISTLE

NP: So if you thought you were boring Sheila, you would not have got that spontaneous round of applause at the end.

SH: No!

NP: You were speaking as the whistle went, you gained that extra point, you moved forward with other points in the round of course. And you're equal with Clement Freud in second place, just ahead of David Mitchell and they're all trailing Paul a little. But Paul it's your turn to start and the subject now is making up. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

PM: As part of the tools of the professional actor, he is used to making up when he appears in the theatre. But here on radio it is not necessary to attach the blouge or the rouge to your face because you cannot be seen by the great listeners throughout the... British...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: Yes there was a hesitation.

PM: Was there? That was my natural rhythm.

NP: Was it? I'm surprised no-one challenged you for deviation on blouge.

PM: Yeah. It sounded like I knew what I was talking about at that point. I think that's what fooled people.

DM: Yes I'd be ashamed to admit that I don't know that blouge exists.

PM: Exactly! Maybe it does!

DM: Yeah!

NP: I think you were thinking of blusher.

PM: Yeah I think I was.

NP: Right, anyway Clement, correct challenge, a point to you, 42 seconds, making up starting now.

CF: Blouge is a good word to make up. Many people...

BUZZ

NP: David you challenged.

DM: Yes that was a hesitation under a lovely long laugh!

NP: I know but unfortunately in Just A Minute you have to ride the laughs because you can't actually pause. But anyway you've got a correct challenge of hesitation, well listened and 36 seconds available starting now.

DM: Making up is one of my happiest memories from my childhood. Because at the age of 15 I spent an entire summer making up. Everyone at my school was charged with constructing an enormous preposition outside the school gates and I...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

DM: School.

CF: School.

DM: School.

CF: Repetition of.

NP: School gates, yes.

DM: Yes no, I'm absolutely completely destroyed but I admit my guilt! Like a banker!

SH: Not destroyed! What's a preposition!

NP: At least you have the honesty to admit it.

DM: Yes. Well they, they get bonuses, so...

NP: And I think that remark deserves a bonus point!

DM: Oh!

NP: But Clement you had a correct challenge and you've got making up and 20 seconds available starting now.

CF: The late great politician Barbara Castle not only made up for radio but insisted on being made up... I said that twice...

BUZZ

NP: Sheila you challenged.

SH: Yeah he said made up twice and it's making up.

NP: So Sheila you've got 11 seconds on this subject, making up starting now.

SH: Making up is very hard to do. But it is lovely after a quarrel to kiss and be friends again. It’s something I enjoy hugely...

WHISTLE

NP: So Sheila Hancock was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point and so did Clement get points in the round so they're both equal still in second place, only now two points behind Paul Merton, and they're all a few points ahead of David Mitchell. And who's going to begin the next round for us, David. And the subject I've got here is a tough one I think but just go on it, my carbon footprint. Sixty seconds starting now.

DM: As someone who doesn't drive a car, I'm not as worried about my carbon footprint as perhaps I should be. In fact the only effort I...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of in fact. In fact twice.

NP: Oh yeah? No!

DM: Well I didn't do it deliberately but then why would I?

NP: No, I said about getting benefits of the doubt. I gave Clement the benefit of the doubt last time against you so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt now against Clement. And you keep the subject and you have 54 seconds, my carbon footprint starting now.

DM: What I do to try and make my carbon footprint smaller is just to make sure that the standby light on the television...

BUZZ

NP: Sheila's challenged.

SH: There was two makes.

NP: That's right so...

SH: Make my and I make sure.

NP: Make sure. That's right, well listened Sheila. My carbon footprint Sheila, 46 seconds starting now.

SH: It is a disgrace because I do have an extremely unenvironmentally friendly car. But I try to make up for it by having solar panels on my roof which provides my electricity and my heating and my water...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: And my.

NP: And my, and my, right, Clement correct challenge, 31 seconds now for you on my carbon footprint starting now.

CF: I have long waited to discuss the carbon dioxide emissions which comes from my body, my knees, shoes, feet and frankly it is 8.47 percent. It is extremely high, dangerous, and putting hot water into my bottle at night, I realise I should not draw fresh CO2, I meant...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: He meant to say H2O.

SH: H2O.

NP: Yeah.

CF: No I didn't, no.

PM: Didn't you? What did you mean to say?

CF: Myxamatosis. And got it absolutely wrong.

PM: You meant to say myxamatosis?

CF: Yeah always.

PM: I withdraw my challenge!

NP: You can no more put CO2 or myxamatosis into your bottle.

PM: No no, exactly, I don't know what your carbon footprint would be.

NP: Therefore, legitimately, your challenge is legitimate.

PM: Exactly.

NP: But are you going to be generous and give it back to him or are you going to keep it?

PM: I thought he was struggling.

NP: He was struggling.

PM: So let him have it back!

NP: All right, that's generosity for you with three seconds to go Clement, my carbon footprint starting now.

BUZZ

NP: Clement, Paul challenged.

PM: Well that was a hesitation.

NP: Yes! Actually it wasn't, but I'll give you a bonus point because we enjoyed the interruption. Clement you have two seconds on my carbon footprint starting now.

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: I thought you'd enjoy the interruption! You liked it so much last time!

NP: Yes I did enjoy the interruption but you interrupted yourself, you buzzed.

CF: Yeah.

NP: So what is your challenge?

CF: I get two points!

NP: Let us play...

PM: Even if it's a wrong challenge, you still get a point.

NP: No, let us play the game Clement. You, you pressed your buzzer first, you issued the challenge, what are you challenging yourself for?

CF: Pleasing you!

NP: That's not a legitimate challenge within the rules of Just A Minute. Nobody else tries to please me. They try to...

PM: Oh that's not fair! What about that pony I bought you? I bought him a pony!

NP: Clement has pressed his buzzer, says he is trying to please me. Obviously what he wants is another point, he's got his point, he's got two seconds to go, my carbon footprint starting now.

CF: Greenery is...

WHISTLE

NP: So Clement Freud was then speaking as the whistle went. With other points he got in the round, some with the help of Paul Merton, he has moved forward, he is now in the lead ahead of Sheila Hancock and Paul Merton. Clement it's your turn to begin actually, and the subject we’ve got now is philately so will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

CF: When I was a very young boy, we lived next to the Latellys and Phil was their eldest son who collected stamps which had nothing to do at all with the family. But yes he had Togo, Lough...

BUZZ

NP: Sheila challenged.

SH: Got to be a hesitation.

NP: Definite hesitation yes Sheila, 45 seconds, tell us something about philately starting now.

SH: If philately is to do with stamp collecting, that's what I did when I was young. You're getting the whole of my childhood on this programme. I used to but little hinges that you lifted the stamps up and you could see the thing on the back. And I'm sure I had a penny black that was worth a fortune. But unfortunately it got lost in the very many moves that I...

BUZZ

NP: David challenged.

DM: I thought there was a bit of a stumble there...

SH: Yeah, there was I'm afraid.

DM: I'm doing too badly not to be brutal!

SH: Yeah!

DM: So I'm a cornered beast!

SH: No I'm...

NP: You're contributing well, correct challenge David, and 26 seconds available, philately starting now.

DM: I have never been particularly interested or understood why people collect the little things that you put on letters to try and determine how much has been paid in order for that to be delivered to the place that is written on it. I think that's an extremely dull type...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: You're allowed to use the word stamp!

DM: I, I was saving that for later!

NP: And Paul we enjoyed the interruption very much so we give you a bonus point for that. And you were interrupted David so you get a point for that and you keep the subject and you have 13 seconds, carry on with philately starting now.

DM: Stamps that I have collected are the noise made by putting your foot loudly down on to the ground. I am extremely interested in them and think they are much more fascinating than the numbers that are stuck to letters...

WHISTLE

NP: So David Mitchell was then speaking as the whistle went, he gained an extra point, he got other points in the round. He's leapt forward, he's still in fourth place but he's in a very, in fact we're moving into the final round, I've just discovered. The situation is that David is in the fourth place but he's never played the game before. He's doing brilliantly. He's trailing Sheila by three points and then comes Paul who is two points ahead of Sheila Hancock. But out in the lead, going into the final round is Clement Freud. And Sheila it's your turn to begin, the subject, soap. Tell us something about soap in this game starting now.

SH: Soap is one of my very favourite things actually. Sitting in a bath with the smell of perfume, either honeysuckle, violet, lavender, jasmine, imperial leather, gives me a real high. And the bubbles that it causes that I can blow into the air. I also enjoy East Enders hugely. I watch it regularly and the highlight...

BUZZ

NP: David, David has challenged you.

DM: Well I, East Enders has got nothing to do with your bath or your soap.

SH: Soap! It's a soap!

NP: It's a soap!

DM: Oh my God! I thought it was a proper quality drama! I thought it was just a five parter and I'd missed it!

NP: No she did a big mental switch there and she left you standing for a moment David.

DM: Yeah!

NP: But anyway she gets a point because she was interrupted there with an incorrect challenge, 35 seconds still with you Sheila on soap starting now.

SH: Well all I can say is you don't know what you are missing. It is a wonderful programme. The actors pull out their emotional stops here there and everywhere. They thrill me with their talent. The lighting is good, the direction is good and...

BUZZ

SH: Ahhh!

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Two goods.

NP: Too good. Yes the lighting is good, the other one is good. Paul you got in with 20 seconds to go on the subject of soap starting now.

PM: Soap is a wonderful thing. If we think of it as a substance that gets us up in the morning by bathing ourselves in glorious liquid and covering our bodies in this magnificent substance that is soap...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Substance.

NP: Yes ah yes.

PM: Did I say substance twice?

CF: Yeah, no, you repeated it.

PM: Did I?

NP: And so Clement, well listened, eight seconds to go on soap starting now.

CF: I rather like Mitcham Common because the smell of the soap from the adjacent...

BUZZ

NP: David challenged.

DM: I thought I might have had a hesitation, but I'm losing confidence now!

NP: There was a slight hesitation yes.

DM: Oh well I'm gaining confidence now.

NP: As it's debatable whether there was a hesitation or not, David what I'll do is because you actually can't win ...

DM: No.

NP: ... but you can do very well. You can finish in a flourish because there is only four seconds to go, and you have soap starting now.

DM: I don't think soap is a very interesting thing at all. In fact you can buy...

WHISTLE

NP: So it only remains for me to give you the final situation at the end of this one. Well David Mitchell who has not played the game before actually did extremely well. He finished in fourth place but it was a very powerful fourth place. And he was only two points behind Sheila Hancock who hasn't played the game for a very long time. She was two points behind Paul Merton who has played the game many times. But one point ahead of him was Clement Freud so we say Clement, you'll be delighted to know, you are the winner this week. We do hope you've enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute. It now only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine players of the game, Paul Merton, Clement Freud, David Mitchell and Sheila Hancock. I thank Sarah Sharpe, who has helped me with the score, blown her whistle magnificently. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. We are very indebted to our lovely producer Claire Jones. And we are very grateful to this audience here at the Radio Theatre who have cheered us on our way. Tune in the next time we all play Just A Minute! Yeah!

THEME MUSIC