JAM:PMerton,THawks,SKhorsandi,IMcMillan
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, TONY HAWKS, SHAPPI KHORSANDI and IAN McMILLAN, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 11 August 2008)

NOTE: Shappi Khorsandi's first appearance, Ian McMillan's first appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners not only in this country but around the world. But also to welcome to the programme four exciting, humorous and talented performers who are going to display their talent as they talk on a subject that I give them and they try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And they are, seated on my left it is a huge pleasure to welcome back one of the finest exponents of this particular game, and one of our finest comedians, Paul Merton. And seated beside him we welcome for the first time playing the game, a rock poet, performer and also a local lad, that's Ian McMillan. And seated on my left, we have another fine exponent of the game, who also is a great comedian and also is a writer, that is Tony Hawks. And seated beside him, we have someone else who is playing the game for the first time, a delightful, charming, exuberant comedienne, Shappi Khorsandi. Would you please welcome all four of them! Thank you! Beside me sits Trudi Stevens, who is going to help me take a note of the score, she will blow the whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the delightful and beautiful Opera House in that fine city of Manchester. And as you can hear we have an excited Mancunian audience in front of us ready for us to start the show. Let's begin with Paul Merton. Paul, oh a topical subject for you, for starters, Old Trafford. Tell us something about...

CHEERS AND BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Mixed emotions! That's whether they are cricketers of footballers I suppose. Anyway Paul, Old Trafford, 60 seconds starting now.

PAUL MERTON: Or indeed Man City fans. Old Trafford was a Golden Labrador I spent many happy years with in my childhood. He was a faithful old hound and would come running towards me across the hills of Eastern Sussex, as I made my way home from the toffee factory where my parents had sent me at the age of five to bring home a decent living. Old Trafford, I can see him now, munching a hum bone... what's a hum bone?

BUZZ

PM: Doesn't mean anything! I should have buzzed myself!

NP: Yeah!

PM: Hum bone?

NP: I think you were searching for a ham bone, weren't you?

PM: I was.

NP: Yes. Or was it a humbug?

PM: Toffees you see, that's where this, the words...

NP: Yes the word association....

PM: ... for once...

NP: That's right, but Tony you buzzed first, you had a correct challenge, you get a point for that, you take over the subject, 39 seconds are still available and you start now.

TONY HAWKS: Many years ago I was a student up here in Manchester and I went along to Old Trafford to watch my team, Brighton and Hove Albion, attempt to beat them. The thing is I went in the wrong bit of the ground. I was in the Stretford end and when Brighton scored, I leapt in the air...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of Brighton.

TH: Ah yes.

NP: Oh yes. Paul, correct challenge, so you get a point for that and there are 22 seconds still available, tell us more about Old Trafford starting now.

PM: In the 1960s they were very much the glamorous team. Although I lived in London, you couldn't help but see Manchester United with their wonderful players. George Best, Denis Law, Bobby Charlton, Paddy Crown, Bill Foulkes, Alex Stepney and all the other players I wish I could think of now...

BUZZ

NP: Ian you've challenged.

IAN McMILLAN: I think you repeated players.

NP: Yes.

PM: Yes.

NP: He did indeed. Well listened Ian and you've got in on the subject and there are only seven seconds available and it is still Old Trafford, let's hear from you for the first time starting now.

IM: Old Trafford was the site of one of the great moments in English football in 1998 when Barnsley FC played Manchester United in the third round...

WHISTLE

NP: In this game, whoever is speaking as the whistle goes gains an extra point. And it was our first-time player of the game, Ian McMillan and he has two points at the end of that round. Tony has one, Paul has one, Shappi's yet to score. Ian will you start the next round, oh it's a right Northern subject.

IM: Eeeee!

NP: Our kid. Will you talk on that subject Ian starting now.

IM: Our kid in this instance is my brother John, who is six years older than me. And we're quite alike except that he's completely bald. So if you can imagine a 60 watt light bulb with my face embossed on it, that's what he looks like. Now we also sound exactly the same so when we meet on the street...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SHAPPI KHORSANDI: I think he said exactly twice.

NP: He did say exactly twice.

IM: That's because I'm from the north!

NP: Well listened Shappi, you've got your first point, you've got the subject, it's our kid, there are 44 seconds still available and you start now.

SK: Our kid I guess in my family would be me, although strictly speaking I don't count because I'm not from the north and I hope you'll forgive me. Sorry! As...

BUZZ

NP: Tony you challenged.

TH: Actually I think I'm going to withdraw that, it was a kind of a, sort of a...

NP: Involuntary reaction.

TH: ... hesitation...

NP: You've played the game so often...

TH: Exactly.

NP: You pick up on every...

SK: Thank you, I was breathing!

TH: Yes.

NP: I know, and you're going to be generous and let her have another go.

TH: Absolutely. Take it back.

SK: Lord love ya!

NP: Well of course, Shappi, as you were interrupted then, you get a point for that.

SK: Oh thank you.

NP: So you have 36 seconds still if you want to on our kid starting now.

SK: So I'm our kid in our family. I have an older brother, my...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: We had repetition of family.

NP: You did say our kid and our family when you started before.

SK: Yes I have two families.

NP: Yeah.

PM: That is indeed repetition.

NP: Alas repetition, yes. Yes you repeated family so I'm afraid we can't let you get away with it that time Shappi. Paul, another point to you and you have 33 seconds, tell us something about our kid starting now.

PM: We used to call Old Trafford, the golden labrador, our kid. He was a wonderful creature. He would sit by the fire, eating a ham bone and it was a delicious sight to see. What a wonderful creature. He'd come running...

BUZZ

NP: Ian challenged.

IM: He repeated wonderful I think.

PM: I know. He was such a great dog!

NP: But you can't say wonderful all the time in Just A Minute. So Ian you've got another correct challenge, you have our kid still, 22 seconds starting now.

IM: Our kid and I meet on the street and he says...

BUZZ

NP: Someone's challenged. Who's that? Paul?

PM: Yeah, repetition of meet on the street.

NP: You meet on the street.

PM: We meet on the street.

IM: We've only got one street, where else is there to meet in Barnsley?

NP: Right 19 seconds Paul, it's back with you, our kid starting now.

PM: Our kid is a phrase I associate with Liverpool quite a lot. I think Cilla Black used to use the expression fairly amount on television and...

BUZZ

PM: Fairly amount?

NP: Tony challenged.

PM: English is a very fluid language don't you find?

TH: Yes I don't want him to embarrass himself further!

NP: I think we knew what you meant Paul.

PM: Yeah.

NP: But it was deviation from English as wee understand it and usually speak it, and we do try and stick to correct grammatical English in this show. So Tony you've got in now on our kid, there are 12 seconds still available starting now.

TH: Our kid was a pet goat called Jeffrey. We kept it in the garden. I took him to Old Trafford once to see Brighton and Hove Albion play a very exciting...

BUZZ

NP: Shappi challenged.

SK: I'm really sorry because you withdrew your challenge to me, but I think you said Brighton about twice.

NP: No darling, he said Brighton in the other round.

TH: Yeah.

SK: In that case I shall be generous and withdraw.

PM: Otherwise you wouldn't be able to use any words ever because you would have said them before this round.

NP: I know, and trying to remember the ones you'd used in other rounds as well, so, no, you can use the same words again. Shappi, don't look embarrassed, we love it. It's your exuberance that we've engaged you for.

SK: It's all Iíve got!

NP: So Tony an incorrect challenge, a point to you and two seconds available only, our kid starting now.

TH: My brother once said to me, the most important thing in life...

WHISTLE

NP: So then Tony Hawks was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's now equal in the lead with Ian McMillan. And then Paul one point behind and then Shappi one point behind them. And Shappi will you begin the next round, the subject is the last time I won something. You have 60 seconds as usual starting now.

SK: The last time I won something is possibly not going to be this game after it has finished, I won't be able to say that to my friends. I don't know if that's English, it's my second language, give me a break! I last won something at, in 1984 and it was a novelty race at Montpelier Primary School. Now the novelty race, I came first...

BUZZ

SK: Race, race. It's all about race with me!

NP: Give her a bonus point because the audience loved her comment then. But Paul you challenged.

PM: It was novelty race.

NP: A novelty race, yes, there we are. So the last time I won something, Paul, is with you and 42 seconds available starting now.

PM: I think the last time I won something was a Bafta, but that would be a bit immodest. So let me take you back to 1968 when I was playing for Repco Royals in the little league football team. I was wonderful. I was the goalkeeper and we played in the championship...

NP: Quick! Quick!

PM:: ... and we won...

BUZZ

NP: Yes? Shappi you've challenged.

SK: Oh I believe, Mister Merton, you said played twice.

NP: Yes that's right. Well listened Shappi, well done, you were really on the ball there. So that's a correct challenge and you have 28 seconds still available, tell us something about the last time I won something starting now.

SK: It was not easy winning the novelty race...

BUZZ

SK: You see? I'm sorry!

NP: It was Tony who challenged first, wasn't it.

TH: Yes I think it was, was it a repetition of novelty.

NP: Novelty, oh dear! You've got 26 seconds, the last time I won something Tony starting now.

TH: I haven't won a Bafta. But I did win the British Actors Tennis Tournament in 1994. What a victory! Tim...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: It wasn't much of a victory, he beat John Gielgud in the final! He was 86!

NP: Paul, I know it's completely untrue, but the audience enjoyed it so much. Give Paul a bonus point for that. Have you got a challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

PM: No, have you?

NP: No. But it's not my job to challenge.

PM: Oh it's not? No I haven't I'm afraid.

NP: Paul, no, it doesn't matter, we loved hearing from you. But Tony you were interrupted, a point for that, keep the subject, 16 seconds, the last time I won something starting now.

TH: And as I stepped on to the podium to collect my cup, I said "will you give me an exciting part in the theatre please, to improve my career?" They said "no, it's just this pathetic bit of silverware." I was sick as the proverbial parrot and I've never...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round Tony Hawks was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's now taken the lead ahead of Paul Merton, followed by Ian McMillan and Shappi Khorsandi in that order. And Tony we're back with you to begin and the subject now is the big question. Will you take that subject and go for 60 seconds if you can starting now.

TH: There are many big questions. What was the possible explanation...

BUZZ

NP: Paul.

PM: Deviation.

NP: Why?

PM: The subject is the big question and he started with the big, there are many big questions.

NP: Yes there are.

PM: Yeah but it's the singular, the big question, not the big questions. See what I mean?

NP: No, I see what you mean, but you're incorrect.

PM: Am I? Why?

NP: Because you could talk about the big question...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... and that could mean to some people one thing and to another person something else. So that's the big question to him, and that's the big question to somebody else.

PM: Yes, yes yes yes that's right. Yeah.

NP: Yes and so...

TH: I'm glad we sorted all that out!

PM: What more can you do?

NP: No I think the benefit of the doubt goes to Tony and you have 56 seconds to continue on the big question starting now.

TH: For instance why do people go to India to find themselves when they can just visit those town centre maps that say "you are here"? So much easier, less hassle, a big question in my opinion. Inflammable and flammable, they mean exactly the same thing. What's going on there? Another question, maybe not quite as big as the other one...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Deviation, if it's not a big question, why are we discussing it? The subject is the big question.

NP: Also to be fair to Tony, to some people, something could be the big question, and to others it's absolute rubbish and doesn't mean a thing.

PM: Yes.

NP: And as he said he was talking about subjects that are inflammable, people could say "yes, so what, stuff it!" Others could say "yes that is true, very remarkable." Benefit of the doubt to Tony...

PM: Okay.

NP: ... keeps the subject, 32 seconds, the big question starting now.

TH: What was the possible...

BUZZ

NP: And Paul challenged.

PM: When will I get the benefit of the doubt?

NP: You've had it on many occasions and there's been some doubt about it as well! But Paul we enjoyed your interruption, so you get a bonus point for that. Tony was interrupted...

PM: One person cheered out of 2000! And I'm working her with my foot!

NP: Yeah! What an incredible foot you must have. Right out there...

TH: Another big question.

NP: Another big question yes. But Tony you were interrupted so you get a point for that of course, 31 seconds, we're still with you on the big question starting now.

TH: Was there a possible explanation for them picking Sydney ahead of Manchester for the Olympics, all those years ago. A massive question in my opinion.

BUZZ

NP: Ian challenged.

IM: I think we've had his opinion before.

NP: Yes we have, well listened, he did, you've given too much of your opinion on this subject.

TH: I agree.

NP: But Ian, so you have a correct challenge and you have 21 seconds still available, the big question starting now.

IM: To me the shorter the question, the bigger it is. So a question like why, how, who, where, what or when is in fact the big question. The more clauses, the more words a question has in each sentence...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There was a repetition of the more.

NP: The more yes.

PM: The more.

NP: The more, the more, the more.

BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

PM: I know, it's sad, isnít it. Perhaps we shouldn't have any challenges at all? We could sit and listen to everybody talking nicely.

NP: Right.

PM: Shall we play it that way?

NP: Okay.

PM: Let's do that.

NP: Yeah.

PM: Let's do that.

IM: Just A Nice Talk.

PM: Just A Nice Talk Over A Cup Of Tea. Let's do it that way.

IM: Okay.

PM: We won't be needing you any more, Nicholas. That's what they want!

TH: Welcome to Just A Bit Of A Chat!

NP: Nobody interrupts, nobody gets any points, there aren't any laughs and we all go home bored!

PM: Yeah.

NP: Right.

PM: Could be Just A Biscuit!

NP: Just A Biscuit! Nine seconds are still available Paul, another point to you of course, the big question starting now.

PM: The big question is Just A Minute ready for a complete turnover? Get rid of all these particularly rough, strong, deliberate challenges. Instead wallow in the beauty of the English language...

WHISTLE

NP: One minute they were agin you because you interrupted their local hero, and the next minute they were cheering for you because they enjoyed what you said, Paul.

IM: Can I just say Nicholas, you keep calling me a local hero, but I'm from Yorkshire, this is Lancashire.

PM: These people want to string him up!

NP: I know, I know.

IM: Just because I can't replace my shoes.

NP: But to all the southerners listening, you're a northerner.

IM: Really?

NP: Yes.

IM: Me a northerner? No, Nicholas, no.

NP: Where do northerners come from?

IM: You're mixing me up with Brian Blessed, he's a northerner. I'm from Surrey!

NP: You could have fooled me!

IM: I've fooled Surrey for years.

NP: And you spoke like that in Surrey, did you?

IM: I did.

NP: And they thought...

IM: Aren't you from Barnsley, Nicholas? Are you from Barnsley? Nicholas is from Barnsley, him with a tie and all!

NP: I played a club in Wakefield once.

IM: Did you?

NP: Did stand-up there, working men's club, that was an experience I can tell you. And when he told me "can you get a laugh here on a Friday?" He said "no-one's had a laugh here on Friday yet." I said "what happens on Saturday?" He said "oh pandemonium, get up with a bar at the back, you can't bloody hear yourself!" And I said to him "why do you ask all these comedians to come and play up here if half the time nobody is going to listen to them?" And he came out with this amazing answer only in Yorkshire could you find. He said "I'll have you know, young lad, I'll have you know we have had some of the best acts in show business die up here!" That's Yorkshire for you, I don't know if they say it in Lancashire as well, I'm not sure. And Paul was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, he's still in second place behind Tony Hawks, they're both a few points ahead of Ian McMillan and Shappi Khorsandi in that order. And Paul, we're back with you to start, the subject now is the rule book, starting now.

PM: The rule book is a very important thing. As long as you can understand the rule book, then you can start to break the rules contained therein. For example if we look at the live art of improvisation comedy, Mister Tony Hawks and Mister Nicholas, that's two Misters, Nicholas Parsons...

BUZZ

PM: I should be buzzing myself here, I'm getting them before anybody else.

NP: Tony you challenged first.

TH: Ah...

NP: Shappi you've just challenged as well.

TH: Actually do you want this one Shappi? I think you buzzed before me.

SK: No, I, I, oh bless you, you're so nice. I buzzed about 10 seconds after you!

TH: You have it.

SK: In a state of panic because I felt like I ought to buzz. Um and the worst thing is I'm still not quite sure what he did wrong!

TH: Oh!

PM: Repetition of Mister.

NP: He put two Misters, Mister Tony Hawks and Mister Nicholas Parsons.

SK: Yes that was it.

TH: I'll tell you what, he'd love this game, if we did away with the rules, I tell you!

NP: So Tony's been very generous and Shappi you come in with 48...

PM: Actually I thought we'd agreed that we weren't going to have any more challenges? Then suddenly in the next round, again it's all buzzers, it's all competitive again. I want tea and biscuits!

IM: We could have surrealist challenges. Wouldn't that be fun?

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yes you could have those...

IM: You could, instead of shout, you phone in! Or bring on a zebra!

NP: Try a bit harder.

IM: Shall we try it?

PM: There's a zebra in the wings!

IM: There's a zebra on a bath cover!

PM: Take it to the supermarket, give it 12 packets of Tennent's lager!

NP: There are 48 seconds available Shappi, the subject is the rule book and you start now.

SK: The rule book is very important and I discovered this when I was called to do jury service, which is a very serious thing. You can't go by what the defendant is wearing, you have to listen to evidence. It's what it says in the rule book. And when I was in jury service, my, my...

BUZZ

SK: Yes you see, I'm so sorry!

NP: Don't apologise.

SK: I'm so sorry, I'm so good at this game when I'm listening to it in my kitchen!

NP: Yes, I think most people would say that.

SK: Do you know what, I'll tell you what, if you give me a sack and a spoon and an egg, I would win this!

NP: Tony you challenged.

TH: Yes.

NP: And it was a correct challenge and you have 30 seconds on the rule book starting now.

TH: It was suggested not that long ago on this very programme by Mister Paul Merton that we should tear up the rule book with regards to the challenges on Just A Minute. Let's just have a bit of a chat perhaps...

BUZZ

NP: Ian challenged.

IM: I think he said just twice.

TH: I did, very close together, yes.

NP: You mentioned Just A Minute and you mentioned just. Well listened, Ian, you have the rule book, and you have 17 seconds and you start now.

IM: I've read the rule book and I think it will make a great film, called The Rule Film. It will be a film that will be not that exciting...

BUZZ

IM: Ohhhhhh! I were just pitching my film!

NP: I know.

PM: You said film three times.

IM: I know, film.

PM: Multiplex!

NP: A multiplex.

PM: One film after the other.

IM: It was.

NP: Tony came in first, Tony the rule book is back with you and there are 11 seconds starting now.

TH: I don't pay attention to the rule book when it comes to the roads that I am cycling. I know it's controversial but I love to go up a one-way street on my pedal powered...

BUZZ

NP: Ian challenged.

IM: That's deviation from the law.

NP: That is deviation. In other words, what we say is it's a very devious thing to do.

IM: It's devious.

NP: Therefore I think I will allow it.

TH: So these, the book that these laws are written down in, what's that called?

PM: Highway code. That could be seen as a rule book, couldn't it, the highway code.

TH: Yeah.

NP: It is a rule book and there are certain rules of Just A Minute which are fairly elastic and I interpret them as I wish. And I reinterpret that one to bring Ian in again because he is new. And oh Ian, you got in with only two seconds to go on the rule book starting now.

IM: I was walking down a street...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation?

PM: I'm going to keep going on this until I get the benefit of the doubt. That wasn't hesitation?

NP: That wasn't, no, no, it wasn't, no, he came in pretty sharp.

PM: Yeah.

NP: And he's still got one and a half seconds, the rule...

PM: Oh so half a second went by then?

NP: Oh yes.

IM: It was a nice half second, wasn't it.

NP: I know.

IM: I enjoyed it.

NP: But Paul, during that half second, he spoke.

PM: Oh did he?

NP: Yes.

PM: Oh so it's not really half a second then, is it.

NP: No it wasn't.

PM: No I see.

IM: It was half a second of pure comedy gold.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yeah.

PM: And I trampled all over it.

IM: Yeah.

NP: Right, one and a half seconds, the rule book Ian starting now.

IM: Tony Hawks on a bike...

BUZZ

NP: Who challenged, Shappi challenged.

SK: I'm so sorry, I didn't hear a mistake, but if I don't win at least once an end of round thing, my husband will beat me!

TH: Now there's a moral dilemna Nicholas!

NP: Yes! Shappi you were pretty sharp there, because actually on that occasion Ian did actually hesitate.

SK: Oh! I knew that, I'm not even married!

NP: So Ian gets a point for speaking when the whistle should have gone, and Shappi gets a point because she hasn't had one for speaking when the whistle goes. And we give a round of applause to both of them. And we move on to the next subject which is poetic justice. This must have been chosen for you Ian, because we know your gift of poetry and words, so would you please talk on it, 60 seconds starting now.

IM: Well I think poetic justice is a good idea. Imagine judges delivering all their things in rhyme.
I think you should go to jail
Because you are a nasty male.
You rob some people of their bags
And then you took a hike and took the... said implements with you...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There was a repetition of took.

NP: Yes there was a took, yes. Right so Paul you got in...

IM: It was a great sonnet though wasn't it.

PM: Oh lovely.

IM: It was a great sonnet.

NP: Yes I should think it will be enshrined, it'll be on Pick Of The Week, no doubt.

IM: Yeah, I hope so.

PM: It is a very thin week, of course.

NP: What is the other? Thereís Poetry Today.

PM: Poetry Today. When does that go out?

IM: It was on yesterday, did you miss it?

NP: Yes I never...

IM: I never seem to hear it, it's always on tomorrow or yesterday.

PM: It's confusingly titled, that programme.

IM: You're thinking of Poetry Please.

NP: Poetry Please, yes, that's right.

IM: It used to be called Poetry Bollocks but nobody would listen to it, so they thought they'd be polite and call it Poetry Please.

NP: Yes, I don't think you'll quite make it on that one.

IM: No I don't think I will.

NP: But Paul had a correct challenge, he has 47 seconds, poetic justice starting now.

PM: There was a young man from Bombay
Who took a slow boat to China one day
He was pinned to the tiller
By a sex-starved gorilla
And China's a bloody long way!
In my school days, that was told to me by one of my friends, and I very much...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: I don't know whether, whether he repeated China.

PM: That's the limerick.

NP: That's the limerick, it's in the first line. So you're quite right, he did repeat China but gosh, I'll tell you what I'll do there. Because it was a correct challenge, you get a point and the subject. But as we loved the limerick and your delivery, you get a bonus point for that.

PM: Thank you.

NP: So you may not be getting many benefits of the doubt, but you're getting plenty of bonus points.

PM: Thank you.

NP: And Tony you've got 33 seconds, poetic justice starting now.

TH: The boy stood on the burning deck on the way to China. Not much of a poem and some people have turned to me and said there is no justice in the fact there always has to be a rhyme. Perhaps Ian will enlighten us on this if...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There doesn't always have to be a rhyme in poetry.

IM: No, you don't have to rhyme at all.

NP: No, no, you can have black verse.

TH: People can say there always has to be a rhyme.

PM: Well who says this?

TH: The one you're working with your foot, she said it. On the way in, she came up to me in the foyer...

PM: Is this true, Maureen?

NP: Let's get back to Just A Minute, Paul, correct challenge, you have the benefit of the doubt on that one by the way...

PM: I thought so yes.

NP: Definitely and you have a point, you have 19 seconds, poetic justice starting now.

PM: There is a poem that I studied for my English O level called Gerard Manly Hopkins, who I believe Ian might be able to elucidate more on this. But he specialised in something called sprung rhythm. I'm not exactly sure what this was, because although I was attending class every single...

BUZZ

NP: Ian challenged.

IM: Sprung rhythm?

PM: Yeah.

IM: That's when it goes, bedoing!

PM: Oh bedoing!

IM: That's how it is, so it goes, I wandered bedoingly as a cloud.

PM: Oh!

IM: That walked bedoing! That's sprung rhythm.

NP: Ian....

PM: There was a man from Molloyne
That suddenly went bedoing!

NP: Ian...

IM: His rhythm was sprung.

NP: Right...

PM: As he sat on his bum.

IM: Are we boring yet?

NP: Ian can I bring you back to the show?

PM: But this, we could do a right hour of this.

NP: So Ian, give Ian a bonus point, Paul was interrupted, he keeps the subject, half a second to go, poetic justice starting now.

PM: Dylan Thomas was born in Swansea...

WHISTLE

NP: So it only remains for me to give you the final score. And a very interesting situation, yes. Because Shappi Khorsandi who has not played the game before, finished in a very strong fourth place. And just ahead of her was ian McMillan who is also a first-time player. And then came Tony Hawks who has played it before. He was pipped at the post by Paul Merton, who was two points clear, so we say, Paul, this week you are our winner. Right, we do, we do hope you've enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute. And it only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine players of the game, Paul Merton, Tony Hawks, Shappi Khorsandi and Ian McMillan. I thank Trudi Stevens, who has helped me note down the score, she has blown her whistle with great aplomb! And we thank our producer Tilusha Ghelani, we are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And we are grateful to this lovely audience here at the Opera House in Manchester who have cheered us on our way. So from our audience, from me, Nicholas Parsons and the team, good-bye. Tune in the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC