NOTE: First show produced by Tilusha Ghelani.

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!


NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome all our many listeners, not only in this country but throughout the world. But of course to welcome to the programme this week, four exciting talented, exceptional, exuberant players of the game, who are going to display their verbal dexterity, their humorous inventiveness as they try and talk on the subject that I give them, and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And those four bright sparks are, seated on my right, Paul Merton and Clement Freud. And seated on my left, Chris Neill and Greg Proops. Will you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Charlotte Davies, who is going to help me keep the score, she has a whistle handy to blow when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute comes from the beautiful Theatre Royal which has recently been refurbished in that magnificent cathedral city of Winchester. And we have a vociferous Hampshire audience in front, just waiting for us to start. And we begin with Paul Merton. Paul the subject is Alfred The Great. What a fine subject to begin with. Tell us something about that in this game, starting now.

PAUL MERTON: The Real Madrid team of 1960 featured Alfred De Stefano and Ferenc Puskas and Al... oh I can't say his name...


NP: Greg you challenged.

GREG PROOPS: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation yes indeed, couldn't quite get the names of those Hungarians out. Right, there was um, it was Puskas, wasn't it?

PM: Pushkiss and he played for, De Stefano played for Raoul, Real Madrid and they beat... oh it doesn't matter!

NP: It doesn't really matter. Greg a correct challenge anyway, so you get a point for a correct challenge, you take over the subject, there are 53 seconds available, Alfred the Great starting now.

GP: Alfred the Great was known as the snappiest dresser of all the early English Kings. Egbert was also known as a...


GP: Oh!

NP: Chris challenged.

CHRIS NEILL: Was there a repetition of known?

NP: Yes there was a repetition of known. So Chris you have the subject, we're going to hear from everybody in this round, I hope, 45 seconds available, you tell us something about Alfred the Great starting now.

CN: Alfred the Great, as we all know, burnt the cakes, which was unfortunate as he was training to be a pastry chef at Winchester Catering College at the time.


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Why would a man who was King of England be training at Winchester Catering College as a pastry chef? I mean, you know, it's deviation.

NP: So what is your challenge?

PM: Deviation.

CN: It's a portfolio career!

NP: No I agree with deviation, but actually he also hesitated.

CN: Yeah.

NP: But Paul a correct challenge, you have a point for a correct challenge, 36 seconds, Alfred the Great starting now.

PM: It's one of those stories that we're told as children, I'm not quite sure what the moral is meant to be. As Chris mentioned, this Alfred indeed burnt the cakes. What are we meant to glean from that story? I don't know. Perhaps somebody when they take over the subject...


NP: Clement challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: Yeah all right.

PM: Yeah okay.

NP: So Clement, 25 seconds on Alfred the Great starting now.

CF: The ah...


NP: So Paul.

PM: That's hesitation.

NP: I know, you bluffed him out of it.

PM: I was waiting for dictation speed, I want to hear about...

NP: So Paul, you take back the subject...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... 25 seconds on Alfred the Great starting now.

PM: Bruce Wayne as Batman needed to have a butler he could trust, and so he settled on Alfred. He was his manservant, and if you remember the comic strip or indeed the films, later when the Caped Crusader got himself a little sidekick by the name of Robin, always Alfred was in the background...


NP: Clement challenged.

CF: It was a mistake.

NP: But you can't remember what...

CF: I shouldn't have challenged.

NP: I know. He thought he repeated Alfred and Alfred is on the card.

CF: Give him a point.

NP: Right, so an incorrect challenge Paul...

PM: Yeah.

NP: You still have the subject...

CF: Can I have a bonus point?

NP: No! Seven seconds on Alfred the Great, Paul starting now.

PM: I remember one adventure when they faced the Riddler, this extraordinary villain who stood in the middle of the Batcave and said to the two super-heroes...


NP: In this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Paul Merton, and at the end of that round, he has taken a strong lead. He's got five points and Greg, Chris and Clement have all got one point each. And we move to Greg Proops. Greg will you take the next subject. I don't know whether this has been chosen for you. But it's Zen Buddhism. But you can try and talk on the subject if you can, 60 seconds starting now.

GP: Where I live, in Hollywood, there are a series of belief systems that enable one to get ahead in show business, Kabbalah being the primary one of popularity at the moment. Zen Buddhism had its shhhhhhhh...


NP: Sorry, I'm glad you restrained yourself. Paul you challenged.

PM: It's a shame, it was a hesitation.

NP: It was a hesitation...

GP: But if you're really a Buddhist you know that everything is everything.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Forty-six seconds available, you tell us something about Zen Buddhism, Paul starting now.

PM: Zen Buddhism seeks that level that is known as Nirvana. With me now, concentrate silently for the next 45 seconds.


PM: Who buzzed then?

NP: Chris has challenged you during the 45 seconds.

PM: Really?

NP: Yes. But we will give you a bonus point because the audience enjoyed what you did so much. But Chris you have a...

CN: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation, correct challenge for that, a point to you, 40 seconds, Zen Buddhism starting now.

CN: If you're a Buddhist and you chant really well for it, you'll get a pair of Jimmy Choos by the weekend. It all comes to those who ask.


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: There was a definite hesitation.

CN: Yeah.

NP: You dried up, didn't you.

CN: I've got nothing to say on it.

NP: Thirty-two seconds, Zen Buddhism with you Paul starting now.

PM: There was a popular book printed in the early 1970s called Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. And I believe it didn't really have particularly much to do with the repair of bicycles or mechanised wheels. It was more...


NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of repair.

NP: No. No and the audience said no as well.

CF: They weren't listening.

PM: I wasn't listening!

NP: I think he did, you said...

CF: And the repair of...

NP: That's right, a magazine to do with repair...

CF: Yep.

NP: And later on, you went on to say they'd repair.

PM: Did I?

NP: Yes you did.

PM: Are you sure?

NP: I'm absolutely certain. I did a quick recall in my mind, brought it from my subconscious, ran the whole thing through and there it was!

PM: Do you want to lie down?

NP: Nineteen seconds for you Clement, on Zen Buddhism starting now.

CF: In the Kilburn, Willesden, Harlesden, Maida Vale and St John's Wood Under 18 Badminton League, the Zen Buddhists are absolutely sensationally ahead of all rivals. Look where you will and nowhere, not even in Neasden or Wembley would you find...


NP: So Clement Freud was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's moved forward, he's still in second place behind Paul Merton. Chris Neill, you're in third place and we'd like you to take the next round. The subject is how to write your autobiography, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

CN: If you are a Shrek look-alike, potato-faced footballer called Wayne Rooney, you have to write your autobiography in five volumes. I do not understand why people think this is strange, because they forget that if you can only write in crayal, oh, crayon, oh I...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of crayon.

NP: Crayon.

CN: I didn't get it out the first time, did I?

NP: You didn't get it out, no. So it wasn't repetition.

PM: No. Hesitation.

NP: Yes all right, 47 seconds Paul, how to write your autobiography starting now.

PM: First you should make sure you live a good and interesting life, perhaps one with a certain amount of longevity to it. So that when it comes to writing your autobiography, you're not filling it up with endless deathless pages about the time you came to a particular bridge and saw somebody do something which was once interesting to some people who are no longer with us...


NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Repetition of some.

NP: Yeah, some.

PM: Some, oh yes, yes.

NP: Definitely some there, 27 seconds Clement, how to write your autobiography starting now.

CF: How to write your autobiography, in a word, is by yourself. You take a pen, put it in your hand...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well, by yourself is two words! In a word, by yourself.

NP: Oh I see, yes, in a word, by yourself.

CF: Mmmmm.

PM: That's what I, you know...

NP: It's a bit pedantic...

PM: It is.

NP: ... but the benefit of the doubt...

PM: No-one said this game should never be pedantic!


PM: He said aerosol!

NP: But he has the benefit of the doubt.

PM: He does, yeah.

NP: And he loves his benefit of the doubt.

PM: Absolutely.

NP: And so Clement, 20 seconds, how to write your autobiography starting now.

CF: I think give it the benefit of the doubt. Just sit down, remember where you were, when, what you did, and how. Clement Freud was born on the 24th of April, nineteen hundred and a year I can't mention because it is the same date as that which I gave for the number...


NP: So Clement Freud speaking as the whistle went and with other points in the round, he's moved forward. He's now one point behind Paul Merton and Clement it's your turn to begin. The subject is Picasso. Tell us something about that great painter in this game starting now.

CF: Picasso is the name of my tailor in Wahin, in...


NP: Chris challenged, there was a hesitation, right, 55 seconds for you Chris on Picasso starting now.

CN: Lee Ryan who was in a boy band called, oh what was it?


NP: Greg you challenged.

GP: Yes there was confusion when boy bands entered his mind!

NP: And he hesitated.

GP: Then he hesitated about the boy band.

NP: That's the correct challenge, 52 seconds for you Greg on Picasso starting now.

GP: Of all of the great artists periods, I think perhaps my favourite is the cubist period. Because I know the least about cubes. His blue...


GP: ... era...

NP: Chris challenged.

CN: That was it! Lee Ryan was in Blue!

GP: That's it, yeah.

NP: So Chris you had him for hesitation, you get a point for that, and we give you a bonus point for the other laugh you accorded us with, blue! Lee Ryan. Right you've got 43 seconds now on Picasso starting now.

CN: Me?

NP: Yes.


CN: Oh? I thought, I thought it was just a benefit of the doubt bonusy thing.

NP: No no, you got the subject with a correct challenge.

CN: Sorry.

NP: You get a bonus point...

CN: Well it wasn't, really!

NP: Oh shut up for a minute, let me go on.

GP: I hesitated.

NP: I gave you a bonus point because of what you said.

CN: Yeah but that's why I didn't think it was my subject.

NP: Well if you don't want it...

CN: Well I've lost it now, haven't I!

NP: All right, so you've lost it to Paul, 42 seconds, Picasso, Paul starting now.

PM: I've got a print of a Picasso drawing back at home, which I recently saw...


NP: Clement challenged.

CF: A prince?

PM: A print.

NP: A print.

CF: You said a prince.

NP: I don't think he did.

GP: Maybe it was the artist formerly known as Prince?

NP: Give Greg a bonus point for that remark, he deserves it. Over here it sounded like print.

PM: Yeah.

NP: You're closer to him, it maybe sounded like prince to you. Benefit of the doubt to Paul Merton, keeps the subject, 39 seconds and Picasso starting now.

PM: When one looks at his massive painting of the destruction of Guernica, one can see...


NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Two ones.

NP: Two ones, yes, right, 33 seconds, Picasso with you Clement starting now.

CF: When I met Picasso, he was living in Valarice, and he made huge amounts of money, simply by getting the back of a paint brush and putting a P and a squiggle which was his signature on to the back of saucers which remained...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: We had back twice.

NP: We did have back twice, I'm afraid yes.

CF: Well he did it on the backs of all those...

PM: Yeah, it was his back period.

NP: But if you repeat the word it is incorrect in Just A Minute, so Paul, 20 seconds, tell us something more about Picasso starting now.

PM: He worked for the police as a while, as one of those artists who draw pictures of people that you've seen committing various crimes. And there was a terrible man in Guttenburg, got arrested three times, because he had a nose in the middle of his face. And over the back here, he looked like somebody else. Picasso was a wonderful man, he was about 80, and he was knocking out all these 15-year-old girls, they were wonderful, they'd come round his house and say "paint my picture". He'd say "I'd be pleased to do that..."


NP: That last little sequence of yours Paul, was a tour de force. And you deserved the extra point for speaking as the whistle went, and you've moved forward, you're ahead of Clement Freud, and a few more ahead of Chris Neill and Greg Proops in that order. And it's also your turn to begin, the subject now is the local High Street. Tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PM: Well the local High Street here in Winchester is probably one of the best High Streets I've ever seen in my life...


PM: You're joking, aren't you?


NP: You wicked so-and-so.

PM: I haven't even seen it! I just came straight here from the station!

NP: I know! And you build them up, and they think what a lovely fellow...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... and you knock 'em down like that. Well Chris you challenged.

CN: It was a hesitation.

NP: Hesitation yes, so you have the subject of the local High Street and there are 50 seconds starting now.

CN: I must say I disagree with Paul regarding the local High Street here. It's the kind of place where you can b-buy...


CN: Oh!

NP: Greg challenged.

GP: Slight hesitation.

NP: Slight hesitation.

GP: And a little repetition.

NP: No, just a hesitation.

CN: What did I repeat?

NP: Hesitation, one challenge is enough Greg.

GP: Thank you Nicholas.

NP: Forty-four seconds, the local High Street starting now.

GP: The local High Street is one of the most magnificent places in the whole of Winchester. Some people prefer the Cathedral, but I prefer the Ryman...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of prefer.

NP: You preferred too much.

GP: Yes I'm often told that.

NP: Paul, a correct challenge, 37 seconds, the local High Street starting now.

PM: When you walk down the local High Street here, you do it with pride. There’s Timothy White's at one end...


NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: No.

PM: No.

NP: Not quite, no, he was riding the laugh, no, he was close to it but not quite no. Benefit of the doubt to Paul, 30 seconds Paul, the local High Street starting now.


NP: Paul? Oh Chris has challenged him.

PM: I didn't hear you say now.

NP: You did, you didn't think you'd got it, did you?

PM: No.

NP: Well Chris has challenged you.

PM: Did you say now?

NP: Yes.

CF: Yes.

PM: Did you?

NP: Yes definitely.

PM: I must have been asleep.

NP: I know, you nodded off for a bit.

PM: I think, it must have been those pills I bought from Timothy White's.

NP: I know. Timothy White's! Oh it's my youth, 30 seconds Chris on the local High Street starting now.

CN: You didn't ask me what my challenge is.


NP: It doesn't matter, we all know, it was hesitation.

CN: No, I was going to say Timothy White's doesn't exist any more, does it?

PM: No!

NP: That's why we're all laughing.

PM: It hasn't existed for 35 years.

CN: I love Timothy White's. In Twickenham, we used to go there on a Saturday, before we went to Sandy's, the fishmonger next door. What a laugh!


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Deviation.

NP: What?

PM: It's got nothing to do with Timothy White's!

NP: I know but he's not actually got the subject!

PM: Hasn't he! Well what were you listening to him for, then?

NP: Because he suddenly went off to tell a little anecdote about Timothy White's! He's on another planet!

CN: We used to get um, home-made wine...

NP: No no, Chris please. Greg Proops challenged first, hesitation, you're on 30 seconds, the local... the local High Street starting now.

GP: Though the local High Street enjoys enormous popularity, the German market of Winchester is where all of the good burghers meet. Christmas time is the most festive time here in...


NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of time.

NP: Too many times I'm afraid.

GP: (sighs)

NP: Ah yes it's a tough game isn't it.

GP: It really is, man!

NP: Twenty seconds with you Clement...

GP: But fair.

NP: ... on the local High Street starting now.

CF: My local High Street is in Marylebone, and we've just had a travel agent who set up shop. As my eldest daughter lives in France, I went in and said I would like a return ticket to Paris. And the girl looked at me and said "you're a star" (Eurostar). And I said "well... I used..."


NP: Paul you challenged.

PM: Can I withdraw my challenge? It was a sort of hesitation but...

NP: I know but I'm not going to allow it because I think they enjoyed the idea of what he said so much. So benefit of the doubt Clement, which you love, so you've got that and you keep the subject so we'll hear the rest of the story, with three seconds to go starting now.

CF: We also have a fishmonger where you can eat in the back of the...


NP: So Clement Freud was again speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, he's moved forward, but he's only still two behind Paul Merton, but he's quite a few ahead of Chris Neill, and then comes Greg Proops. But Chris it's your turn to begin, the subject, the round table, tell us something about that in this game starting now.

CN: Like the Holy Grail, there is a certain round table of legend. Unlike the former thing that I mentioned, you can still buy one of the round tables at Ikea though, so that's handy. There was a time when at the round table, King Arthur would sit there, and on his right hand was Lancelot...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: There was, there was, you put a definite er in there.

CN: Yeah, I know, absolutely.

CF: Was he sitting on his right hand?

CN: Well no, on his...

PM: How did he cut up his dinner? They were very close.

NP: They were very close, yeah.

PM: They were very close, weren't they? They were very close, weren't they Nicholas?

NP: They were having a sort of um, intimate relationship...

PM: Yeah.

CN: Were they?

PM: You were court jester, weren't you!

NP: Yes.

PM: He was born in 1168, do you know that? 1168!

NP: Actually for someone born in 1168, I've worn quite well, haven't I!

PM: Yeah you have.

NP: Yes right.

PM: For somebody born in the 20th century, you're a disaster! But born in 1168... absolutely wonderful!

NP: Oh it's a joy to work with you, right! You have a correct challenge, 42 seconds Paul, the round table starting now.

PM: Camelot had it's own dance teacher, Sir Prance-alot! He used to come along every day and say "I'm going to teach everybody how to do the Charleston." Merlin wasn't particularly happy with this because he saw himself as a wizened old man, a magician, somebody who was in touch with the powers of the universe. He didn't want to do the fox-trot, oh no, he was terrible at it anyway. Genevieve walked in and she said "where's Guinevere?" She said "she's over there..."


NP: Clement challenged.

CF: I thought there were two Guineveres.

NP: No. One was Guineveve.

PM: Genevieve. And yeah.

NP: Guinevere.

CN: Guineveve was a car!

NP: Your challenge was actually incorrect because it was Guineveve and Guinevere.

PM: We are relying on actual eye witness testimony here!

NP: Paul you have the benefit of the doubt, you keep the subject, 13 seconds, the round table starting now.

PM: When I bought my first flat, I was very keen that the first... oh!


NP: Clement challenged yes.

CF: Hesitation and repetition.

NP: Yes you can have them both, but only one point. Nine seconds on the round table starting now.

CF: There are no sides on a round table which is how can you tell its circularity. If you say...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: The top side, there's the under side.

NP: That's a very good point, we'll give you a bonus point for it. But actually what Clement was demonstrating, I think, we all knew was that there's no side around the table.

PM: Ah yes.

NP: So I will accept the fact that Clement was correct and he keeps the subject and there are three seconds, the round table Clement starting now.

CF: I had several round tables in my youth and the...


NP: So Clement was speaking as the whistle went, and gained that extra point, he keeps moving forward, keeps catching up Paul, but hasn't yet overtaken him. He's still two points behind him, but quite a few ahead of Chris Neill and Greg Proops, equal in third place. Clement Freud, your turn to begin, the subject, breaking news. Will you tell us something about breaking news in this game starting now.

CF: I don't know why it's called breaking news, like breaking wind. It's...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Well there was a hesitation.

NP: It was a hesitation yes.

CF: I wanted you to think about it.

NP: Right.

CN: I got that part.

NP: We got the whiff right over here! (laughs) Oh I dry myself up sometimes!

PM: When the nurses aren't here, you have to!

NP: It's amazing to be in a show where you can actually get hysterical. Chris...

PM: You ought to be sitting out there!

NP: Chris, correct challenge, 54 seconds, breaking news starting now.

CN: As Clement implied, in polite circles, it's much more preferable to break news than it is wind. And there's a good reason for that. It's because if you break news, it tends to be behind a screen. Ah at that point I feel that...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There was a hesitation there.

NP: There was a hesitation.

CN: No no no, absolutely.

NP: (laughs) Why you should break the news... (can't speak for laughter)

CN: I don't know why, I just didn't want to say the same words, did I?

NP: ... behind a screen?

CN: Well, no, breaking news is behind a screen, isn't it? Because, on, on, on the television. I mean it... if I break the news to you Nicholas, that I find you bloody gorgeous, I realise that that is in person. But were, most times you get, you go "ooooh there's some breaking news coming in", it's behind a screen. Because it's somebody on the telly telling you.

GP: Are we actually playing right now?

NP: You're talking rubbish!

PM: Don't knock it, it's been working for 40 years!

NP: Right Paul, 41 seconds available, breaking news starting now.

PM: When you hear breaking news, you think to yourself, my God, what an interesting story. Because these news channels that broadcast 24 hours a day say the news is happening all the time. But of course it isn't. It's happening basically in very small doses...


NP: Greg challenged.

GP: Repetition of happening.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Yes, happening, well listened Greg. There are 30 seconds, you tell us something about breaking news starting now.

GP: The difference between the news in England and America is that in... the United...


NP: Oh dear.

GP: I know what I did. And for that I should be punished.

NP: Twenty-six seconds Paul, breaking news starting now.

PM: Nineteen-twelve, the sinking of the Titanic. Before multimedia, there was many weeks passed before people realised there had actually been some incident out at sea. There was a bloke standing in New York...


NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Has it sunk?

NP: Right Clement, we give you a bonus point because that was...

PM: Did you have a return ticket?

CF: You really learn something on this programme!

NP: Yes, Paul you were interrupted, Clement's got his bonus, you've got a point for being interrupted, and there's 16 seconds, breaking news starting now.

PM: During the Boer War, I believe it was The Times that printed pictures from the battle fields, and people back home looked at this coverage and thought oh my God, there's some terrible carnage happening on the other side of the world. Before that people didn't really realise...


NP: Clement's challenged.

CF: I'm afraid people.

NP: Yes you did repeat people, and Clement you got in with two seconds to go on breaking news starting now.

CF: Salamanca, Victoria, Toulouse and Waterloo...


NP: Right we're moving into the final round. Let me give you the situation. Clement Freud and Paul Merton are equal in the lead, quite a few points ahead of Chris Neill, who is one or two points ahead of Greg Proops. And Greg it's your turn to begin and we'd like you to tell us something about how to throw a great party. Sixty seconds starting now.

GP: First you must go to the supermarket and get as many vituals as humanly possible. Booze, chips, soup, nippy...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Yes and no!

GP: Someone in the front went "yes!"

NP: I know, and someone on the other side said no. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt...

PM: Okay.

NP: ... because he was, he was teetering on hesitation...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... but didn't quite achieve it.

PM: Okay.

NP: So...

PM: But with practice, he'll get there!

NP: Yes!

GP: Watch me work!

NP: Greg Proops, you have how to throw a great party, you have 51 seconds starting now.

GP: The best party...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: Deviation because earlier on, he said the things you need are booze, something, soup, and something called nippy. What, what's nippy?

NP: Well that's got, don't ask him questions, what is your challenge?

CN: Well deviation, you don't need nippy to make a great party.

NP: Well maybe Greg Proops needs plenty of nippy.

CN: Well what is it?

PM: You haven't met Nippy! She's fantastic!

NP: Oh yes, right, 51 seconds for how to throw a great party Greg starting now.

GP: It's important to have twice as many women at a party as men. Then...


NP: Chris challenged.

CN: It really isn't!

NP: Chris we give you a bonus point because they enjoyed your remark so he keeps the subject, and there are 39 seconds, how to throw a great party Greg starting now.

GP: Being from San Francisco it's often difficult to determine whose gender is whose at a party. Therefore the idea that there be females and males at the same party is a fluid notion that comes about when one has imbibed a certain amount of controlled substances, perhaps in a closet or out in front on the porch as we might say. Maybe here you might...


NP: Paul challenged.

PM: It was hesitation.

NP: Yeah there was hesitation there. Paul...

GP: He was making me nervous by looking at me!

NP: Paul, a correct challenge, 18 seconds, how to throw a great party starting now.

PM: If you get ahead of Nicholas Soames, Conservative MP, who is by his own admission, a great party, and lift him up by the legs, get the window pushed so it is completely open, and chuck him out so he hits the floor, that would be in many senses throwing a great party. And what a wonderful flat it would make...


NP: Well with that clever interpretation of the subject, Paul Merton not only kept going but brought the round to an end, and he brought the show to an end. So it only remains for me to give you the final score. Greg Proops finished in a magnificent fourth place. And Chris Neill, he did very well, finished in a very good third place. And Paul got an extra two points at the end and has finished just ahead of Clement Freud. So we say this week Paul Merton, you are our winner! So it only remains for me to say thank you to these four magnificent players of the game, Paul Merton, Greg Proops, Chris Neill and Clement Freud. I thank Charlotte Davies, who has helped me with the score, she has blown her whistle with great style and aplomb. And also we are indebted to our producer Tilusha Ghelani. And we are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And we are very indebted to this lovely audience here at the Theatre Royal, Winchester, and they seem to have enjoyed themselves. From our audience, from me Nicholas Parsons, and from the panel, thank you for tuning in, tune in again the next time we play Just A Minute! Till then good-bye!