JAM:THawks,SPerkins,KHesketh-Harvey,WRichard
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring TONY HAWKS, SUE PERKINS, KIT HESKETH-HARVEY and WENDY RICHARD, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 19 August 2002)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome our many listeners in this country and throughout the world. But also to welcome to the show this week four exciting and talented players of the game, who have all got a lot of experience at it. We welcome back that man with such erudite humour, Kit Hesketh-Harvey. The one with the engaging humour, Sue Perkins. The one with the offbeat and surreal humour, Tony Hawks. And someone whose humour is forever evergreen, because she's been around and starred in so many things, that is Wendy Richard. Would you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Lottie Barker who is going to help me keep the score, and she will blow her whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Drill Hall Arts Centre in the Bloomsbury area of London. And we have a fine cosmopolitan London audience with us. As we begin the show this week with Wendy Richard, and who better. Wendy, the subject is a nice London subject, the changing of the guard. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

WENDY RICHARD: I am ashamed to admit I have never seen the changing of the guard. But er in real life anyway...

BUZZ

NP: Sue Perkins challenged.

SUE PERKINS: Slight, slight hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation, I'm afraid. Yes it's er...

WR: I was just giving it a bit more background.

NP: I know, I know. You had a correct challenge, so you get a point for that Sue, and you have 54 seconds to tell us something about the changing of the guard starting now.

SP: Why do they have to change the guard? He's doing so well. He stands there for 12 hours, he doesn't say anything, motionless. And then this other guy comes along dressed in exactly the same fashion, and he's given the heave-ho. Where do all the changed guards go, that's what I want to know...

BUZZ

NP: Tony Hawks, you challenged.

TONY HAWKS: Bed!

SP: Now?

NP: Ah Tony, they might go to bed sometimes to have a rest, but they don't just all go to bed. So technically...

TH: Well...

NP: ... in order to give a, give an interpretation to your challenge, I think it would be unfair to give it to you. So Sue has another incorrect challenge, and she has the subject still of changing of the guard and 40 seconds starting now.

SP: It seems to me like unspeakable torture to have to keep your mouth shut for 12 hours, but that's me for you...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Repetition of 12 hours.

NP: Yes you mentioned 12 hours before.

SP: Did I?

NP: Yes you did. Right, Tony you had a correct challenge, you have 34 seconds, you take over the subject of the changing of the guard starting now.

TH: In one sense, I suppose, the England football team are going to have to have a changing of the guard. If you think of the goalkeeper as having that role. And David Seaman of course is approaching the end of his career. But if he does betime...

BUZZ

NP: Kit, Wendy challenged.

WR: I'm sick of football!

NP: Well you've suffered long...

WR: People, people are listening to this because they want to get away from football!

NP: So what is your challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

WR: Well he's deviating, going on about football.

NP: Well actually Wendy, I've got to say he's not deviating. You may be bored by it, and you may have struck a chord in this audience...

WR: Well I'll tell you what then Nicholas, I think that's really unfair of you, because that's a definite deviation!

NP: No, it wasn't. Though you may hate your football, and a lot of other people are bored by football...

SP: Stop, Mum! They're frightening me!

NP: I have to be fair within the rules of Just A Minute, and say Tony it was an incorrect challenge, so you keep the subject, you get a point for an incorrect challenge. You have 17 seconds but please don't mention football again! And the changing of the guard starting now.

TH: The guard stands in his little box. And tourists come by and take photographs of him. Then, at an appointed moment in time, he exchanges with another one who replaces him roughly in the same place that he's...

BUZZ

NP: Sue challenged.

SP: Surely it's illegal to be replaced roughly in a public place?

NP: So what is your challenge Sue?

SP: Um well I can't, it won't sound like this to the listener, but he was stalling. I know that he was approaching a moment's hesitation. Because he has this little flicky-eyes thing...

NP: Yes I know!

SP: They're sticking out of the socket as if to say "come on, help me!"

NP: Right...

SP: "I'm failing, I'm failing!"

NP: I could see, but you're sitting next to him, and you're therefore closer to observe this...

SP: I smelt fear!

NP: And maybe, maybe that observation is correct. But technically within the rules of Just A Minute it was not correct. So he has another incorrect challenge, another point, and three seconds on the changing of the guard starting now.

TH: His hat sometimes catches on the top of the booth and he moves out...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking in this game when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Tony Hawks. And Sue it's your turn to begin. And the subject here a lovely one, acronyms. Tell us something about acronyms in Just A Minute starting now.

SP: Acronyms are useful ways of remembering... oh!

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Well I think there was a hesitation there.

NP: There was yes.

TH: I'm rather regretting this because I'm not very good on this subject I don't think.

SP: It's horrible!

TH: It's horrible!

SP: I'm glad you've got it! It's horrid.

NP: It's a tough one!

TH: I'm going to give it a go and I'm going to do 56 seconds or whatever it takes!

NP: Right! Acronyms is with you Tony, 57 seconds starting now.

TH: The North Atlantic Treaty Organisation is an acronym, only when used as Nato obviously. When you say those words, it wouldn't be an acronym, it would...

BUZZ

NP: Sue, Sue challenged.

SP: Repetition of when.

NP: Yes when, yes. You got it back to front and you tried to wriggle out of it, but bad luck Tony. Because Sue got in first, 46 seconds, acronyms with you Sue starting now.

SP: My favourite acronym is SPERM, the Society for the Prevention of Roger Moore. This is a society... I know!

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

SP: Just been trying to...

TH: Ah repetition of er society.

NP: Yes that's right. Tony you've got the subject back, which you don't want and you have 37 seconds, acronyms starting now.

TH: When I was at school, I was a little lad. It was the right way to go about going to school...

BUZZ

NP: Kit you challenged.

KIT HESKETH-HARVEY: Sorry, repetition of school.

NP: Yes, these tough questions, these tough subjects can be a lot of fun. This is good. Kit you've got a correct challenge, still 32 seconds available, acronyms starting now.

KHH: Hawkes becomes Handsome, Athletic, Witty, Kind-Eyed Stud...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Tony challenged.

TH: There's no E in Hawks!

KHH: Oh is there not?

TH: No, no!

KHH: I'm so sorry listeners!

NP: Tony you've got the subject back that you don't want and you've got 27 seconds on acronyms starting now.

TH: I was particularly stupid when I was in class, and was unable to grasp the concept of an acronym. And a teacher sat me down, said "Tony listen carefully, I will explain exactly how it works to you". And I did, I listened extremely...

BUZZ

NP: Sue.

SP: Listened.

NP: You listened too much.

KHH: One was listened and one was listen.

TH: The first one was listen and the second one was listened.

SP: All right, he...

NP: Listen and listened, Tony you've got acronyms, you've got 11 seconds starting now.

TH: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation is Laser in fact, and not a lot of people know that. Unfortunately at last I'm coming up with something interesting on this awful...

BUZZ

NP Um Kit challenged.

KHH: Deviation, it's very boring!

NP: Actually, what we'll do with Kit, is we'll give you a bonus point because the audience enjoyed your interruption. But it was an interruption, it wasn't a correct challenge so he's still got it. He didn't want it but he's doing very well with it. And you've got another point Tony, and you've got one second on acronyms starting now.

TH: Wato! The World At One!

WHISTLE

NP: So the man who didn't want the subject kept going with it in spite of being interruptions and has leapt forward. And he's got twice as many points as Sue Perkins and almost as many as Kit Hesketh-Harvey and Wendy Richard in that order. And Tony it's also your turn to begin. So it's back handers now. Can you tell us something about back handers in Just A Minute starting now.

TH: I've just finished watching two weeks at Wimbledon, where I saw a number of backhands, but no back handers. And some would say this is a shame, because if there were back handers, perhaps we'd get a British winner some time! I gave 2000 pounds in used 10-pound notes to Nicholas Parsons in a brown paper bag before the show. And I'm hoping that as a result of that I will be treated favourably in the coming seconds, and indeed beyond that, should I continue to be participatory in this marvellous show which I am enjoying so much, and not doing quite badly at...

BUZZ

NP: Sue Perkins challenged.

SP: Ah grammatical, not doing quite badly. So basically beating around the linguistic bush!

NP: Yes that's all right Sue. It's just English as we understand it and normally speak it. Ah deviation right. Sue, correct challenge, 23 seconds, back handers starting now.

SP: Tony what you have to realise is that before this show, I gave Nicholas 500 pounds in order that every single interruption I made was facilitated with one simple wink and a casual smile, which has become of course his trademark. The silver fox as he is known, took my money, lovingly put it into his be-corduroyed back pocket, and waltzed into the most beautiful environment here in the Drill Hall...

WHISTLE

NP: A lovely idea that I earn my living on this show from back handers from the team! Right, I'm going to hold them to this! Sue Perkins you were speaking as the whistle went, and with other points in that round, you have moved forward. You're only three behind Tony Hawks, followed by Kit Hesketh-Harvey and Wendy Richard. And Wendy your turn to begin, the subject, reality TV. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

WR: Apparently it's this Big Brother, which thankfully I have never clapped eyes on! How you can call that entertainment, watching a load of people living in some house. and doing all their ablutions and other bits and pieces that they get on with...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey challenged.

KHH: Isn't that East Enders?

NP: What's that?

WR: No!

NP: Kit you didn't win many friends with that one.

KHH: No, I'm sorry, with the look of the basillist from the left!

NP: I know! Kit is sitting next to Wendy Richard and if looks could kill, I mean, Kit would be...

KHH: I love East Enders and she's magnificent in it, and long may she continue!

NP: Well said Kit, you, you brought back the smile to Wendy's face! And er she's...

SP: You're a toady!

NP: And so Wendy you were interrupted, you have a point for an incorrect challenge, you have 42 seconds, tell us more about reality TV starting now.

WR: It's almost as boring as those other things they have on the box, about painting people's rooms, and gardens. Aren't you sick of it!

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: It's pointless painting a garden!

WR: I said and! And!

NP: No, no, no, no, be fair Tony. Painting people's rooms and gardens. She was, by my mind she established there were programmes about gardening.

TH: Yes.

NP: I don't think it was a deviation.

TH: Do you know what, I was trying to be clever!

NP: I know you were! And sometimes you succeed but um... if they're going to get at me, I have to get back at them! Right, Wendy another point to you, and you have 33 seconds, you still have reality TV starting now.

WR: There seems to be a severe lack of imagination when it comes to providing entertainment for the viewer...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey challenged.

KHH: Repetition of entertainment, I'm afraid.

NP: You mentioned entertainment before.

WR: Did I?

NP: Yes you did, love.

KHH: How you can call that entertainment, I do not know!

WR: You're right! You're so right! Yes I did!

NP: Right and Kit you got in with 17 seconds to go and it's reality TV starting now.

KHH: It's just as well Just A Minute is not on TV, because the reality that Parsons to give him is acronym is a Practically Alzheimac Rheumatoid Senile Obviously Needing Sedation...

BUZZ

NP: Sue challenged in the middle of your acronym.

SP: Sorry, I shouldn't challenge because I was enjoying that.

NP: I know.

SP: But there was hesitation.

NP: No, no, the fact that he kept going even though I would...

WR: See! Nicholas is going to let him keep the subject just because he mentioned his name again and he loves hearing his name mentioned on the radio.

NP: No, I'll show, I'll show you how generous I am, because I think he was so clever to try and get an acronym out of my name, that I think er, he kept going with style and panache. So Sue it was an incorrect challenge and er Kit you keep the subject, reality TV, four seconds starting now.

KHH: Regarding the aforementioned show which Wendy was on about...

BUZZ

NP: Um Tony challenged.

TH: Did he say show in the last bit he did? Repetition of show?

KHH: Oh I don't know.

NP: No you didn't say show before.

KHH: I said Just A Minute.

NP: No he didn't talk about show...

TH: It was a desperate attempt!

NP: I know! They're all keen, I won't discourage it! Kit another point to you, another two seconds available, reality TV starting now.

KHH: Reality TV is...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kit was speaking then as the whistle went, gained an extra point and others in the round. He's moved forward, he's now equal with Sue Perkins in second place just behind Tony Hawks. And Wendy's caught up a little bit on all of them. Kit your turn to begin, the subject is the tip of the iceberg. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

KHH: The best thing to do with the tip of the iceberg is to drowse it... drowse it?

BUZZ

KHH: Sorry, I've been eating too much lettuce!

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: I think there was a hesitation there.

NP: There were, a deviation and stumble and so forth. We call that hesitation. Correct challenge, Tony, you've got another point, you've got 56 seconds, the tip of the iceberg starting now.

TH: When the Titanic set sail from Belfast, onwards to Southampton, and then across the Atlantic, little did it know that there was an iceberg waiting for it, with a very significant tip at the end which it would...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Sue challenged.

SP: It's the tip at the top!

TH: Well and, and the end.

SP: I suppose it can jut out.

NP: No, it's er, the tip is at the side. They always refer to the bit they hit, they call that the tip of the iceberg. It may not be at the top because the ship wouldn't hit the top, it'd hit something jutting out, you see.

SP: No, I got as far as the ship not hitting the top because er...

NP: But you did challenge for the tip being at the top. And the tip is the bit the ship hits and so incorrect challenge, very keen, don't discourage it. Forty-three seconds, the tip of the iceberg with you Tony starting now.

TH: The first five seconds of speaking during the minute on this programme seems to feel like the tip of the iceberg. And yet the iceberg is not that far away from your grasp. As you continue speaking, filling...


BUZZ

NP: Ah Kit challenged.

KHH: Didn't we have speaking twice?

NP: Yes we did.

KHH: I think we did, I'm sorry Tony.

TH: Speak and speaking, I think.

KHH: Was it speak and speaking?

TH: As you begin to speak.

NP: You're a long way way away from him.

KHH: In which case I grovel humbly.

NP: As you speak, you're quite right Tony, incorrect challenge. Tony the tip of the iceberg starting now.

TH: If an iceberg could speak, it would be very interesting to know what it...

BUZZ

NP: Um ah...

SP: Could speak, then speak from before.

TH: Yes I did say it that time!

NP: Sue listening well as usual, another point to her, and the subject, 24 seconds, the tip of the iceberg starting now.

SP: The tip of the iceberg can also mean the thing that finally topples you over into the brink of madness. The abyss of the terrifying heart of yourself. In this case, speaking on this subject for what must be now seven, six, five, four, three, please help me...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Eventually hesitation, wasn't it?

NP: No, it wasn't, it was deviation. But she did hesitate as well, yes. Anyway I've got to give it against her. Kit, you have the subject, you have eight seconds, it is the tip of the iceberg starting now.

KHH: A mixture of olive oil, anchovies, parmesan cheese, bacon and...

BUZZ

NP: Sue why did you challenge?


SP: How can that be to do with an iceberg?

KHH: You get your iceberg lettuce and you dress it in that and you get a Casear salad!

NP: If you get too keen Sue, and you challenge before they've established what they're trying to say, you can trip yourself up.

SP: I feel I've been disciplined by you!

NP: Right! It doesn't matter, it's all grist to the will and the fun of Just A Minute. Kit...

KHH: Grist to the will? (laughs) What are you on Nicholas?

NP: What's that?

KHH: Grist to the will?

NP: No, I said grist to the mill! Can't you hear?

WR: No you didn't, you said will! What proof is that water you've got?

NP: I'll have some more of it! Right, tip of the iceberg is now still with you Kit, five seconds available starting now.

KHH: You seize your iceberg lettuce in both hands...

BUZZ

NP: Wendy challenged.

WR: Did you say iceberg lettuce before?

NP: No, he said it outside the game.

KHH: I said it outside yes.

WR: Oh beg your pardon, Mister Hesketh-Harvey.

KHH: Don't worry.

NP: There are three seconds still with you Kit on the tip of the iceberg starting now.

KHH: It jutted out of the water above the proud Baring Straits...

BUZZ

NP: Oh wait a minute, Sue challenged.

SP: Water before in the first section.

NP: No that was Tony before.

KHH: Tony was talking about water.

NP: He was on the water.

SP: You'll have to forgive me, my mind's become addled! It seems to me I've been here all my life!

NP: I know! It has been a long time! But um there we are...

SP: I apologise.

NP: And of course the heat gets to everybody. It's very very hot in here. It's a hot summer's evening and er there's no air conditioning. It can get to you sometimes. And people often confuse their words when they're overheated. Ah so Kit you have another point, you have another incorrect challenge and you have half a second on the tip of the iceberg starting now.

KHH: The Tottenham Court Road...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kit Hesketh-Harvey kept going till the whistle went, gained an extra point. And with others in that round he has leapt forward. He's now almost equal with Tony Hawks, he's one point behind him. He's a few ahead of Sue Perkins and Wendy Richard. That is the sequence, that is the order. Sue starts the next round, which is my gardening tips. And Sue I can say you have 60 seconds, my gardening tips starting now.

SP: The best way to keep your garden uncluttered by weeds is to invest in US defoliant Agent Orange. This napalm-like substance can be dropped from around 10 feet into your garden, insuring that nothing grows either there, or anywhere in your post code, for at least 10 decades. It's hard to come by and admittedly I had to sneak into a secret military installation to get hold of this gear which strangely is not the colour of the fruit I mentioned...

BUZZ

NP: Wendy Richard challenged.

WR: I think you're starting to hesitate Sue.

NP: She did hesitate...

SP: Darling, it was coming over the hills like a dribbering hesitant!

NP: Right so Wendy she did have a hesitation before...

SP: Yeah it hadn't happened yet but...

NP: No it did happen when you were trying to find which establishment you went to to find your napalm.

SP: Yes that's right.

NP: Wendy you have 33 seconds for my gardening tips starting now.

WR: I don't have a very big garden. But I do love being out there as much as I can, never mind what size it is. One of my garden tips is (starts to laugh) when you're potting up plants...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey has challenged.

KHH: I'm sorry, I was saving her her blushes. Because this is a national treasure, and we don't know what size it is in her garden! (laughs) Ah hesitation, chairman.

NP: I don't think she hesitated, I don't think so. She started to giggle but she still kept going. Wendy you've still got...

WR: See! You get told off if you look miserable. You start to have a laugh. smile and giggle, and you get told off for that!

KHH: No, you get extra points Wendy!

WR: Extra points!

KHH: Extra points, that's what I put your way!

WR: Oh!

NP: Yes! Because of his challenge... you know how to bring the smile to a girl's face, don't you! Right, 22 seconds, my gardening tips, still with you Wendy starting now.

WR: When you're potting up your plants, put broken-up eggshells in the bottom, because this will crock the pot, and it will help put calcium back into the soil. Very good one to remember, that. Other gardening tips are if you are dealing with slugs, good old-fashioned salt, that will do the trick. Pour it down and watch them frizzle up!

WHISTLE

NP: So Wendy Richard speaking as the whistle went. And Wendy, congratulations because not just talking on the subject, you actually gave them some very good gardening tips there.

SP: Wendy can I ask...

WR: And I've got a bra on!

SP: ... is there such a thing as crocking a pot?

WR: What?

SP: Is that real, crocking a pot?

WR: Yes, with eggshells.

NP: But if you put the crocks at the bottom of the pot, some people say it's crocking a pot.

SP: Oh I found that very informative.

NP: Yes.

WR: Yeah, you don't, don't bother about using broken bits of pot and china. Just put your eggshells in the bottom.

SP: Right! And that crocks the pot for you?

WR: Yeah!

NP: Well you could put a few crocks in as well, but it doesn't really matter!

WR: Well that's the whole point, it's...

NP: We're not doing a gardening programme! This is not Gardener's Question Time, it is Just A Minute! So Wendy well done, I congratulate you on the tips you gave because they were very succinct and good. And you're still in fourth place unfortunately! Sue Perkins in third place, she's just ahead of you. And then ah Kit Hesketh-Harvey followed one ahead by Tony Hawks. And Tony they seem to keep all the erudite subjects to you this week. Right, it's Icarus. Can you tell us something about Icarus in Just A Minute starting now.

TH: I know nearly as much about Icarus as I do about acronyms. But what I am aware of is his father was called Didalus, and he was Greek. And they went out one day and put some wings on their arms, attaching it with wax in a very clever manner. They were very ingenious, those fellows. And then they jumped off a cliff and started to fly up towards the sun, but Icarus, what a fool he was! He went too close to that yellow spheroid hot thing and what happened was that the stuff that was attached to his... joint started to come away...

BUZZ

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: The audience showed their appreciation of the way you struggled not to repeat the word wax, yes! So but Sue you got in first, right, and you have Icarus and you have 21 seconds to go starting now.

SP: Didalus the Greek was upset that his son had gone too close to the sun, S-O-N and so... S-U-N! What am I talking about?

BUZZ

SP: You have it now when you have the...

NP: Wendy challenged.

KHH: A repetition of S and N! It's...

NP: No it's Wendy actually challenged.

KHH: Oh! Was it? I beg your pardon. Wendy, I'm sorry Wendy.

WR: Sorry, sons, we got our sons in a muddle there.

NP: Yes she got the sons. But we are dealing in the world of verbal er imagery so the son whether it's S-O-N or S-U-N, the sun and that is repetition. So Wendy, correct challenge, 15 seconds on Icarus starting now.

WR: Many years ago there was a racehorse called Icarus. And I remember my mother putting five pound on it, and it lost. A clear case of being not too close to the sun, but certainly not close enough to the winning post...

BUZZ

NP: Right, Tony challenged.

WR: Two close, I'm a fool!

TH: Repetition of close.

WR: Yes.

TH: Two close.

NP: Yes.

WR: Yes.

NP: Right, okay Tony, four seconds, Icarus is back with you, starting now.

TH: (in very good imitation of Kenneth Williams' dramatic voice) He plummeted towards the ground, tears in his eyes, unbelievable...

WHISTLE

NP: So Tony Hawks speaking as the whistle went gained another extra point and he's still just in the lead, ahead of Kit Hesketh-Harvey and then Sue Perkins and Wendy Richard in that order. As we go into the final round, and Wendy Richard's turn to begin and the subject is cheating.

KHH: Oh no!

NP: I know, it's a nasty subject to finish on but I'm sure you'll have some funny things to say about it. Sixty seconds available starting now.

WR: I see no point in cheating when one is playing games. I enjoy playing crib. And it really drives me daft when people come up, and look over your shoulder, and go "oh you're cheating again" or "you've got the cards up your sleeve"! I mean I really want to pick the board up and whack them one with it! Because what is the point? You enjoy the whole...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Kit Hesketh-Harvey.

KHH: An awful lot of enjoys weren't there?

NP: You did enjoy it before.

WR: You see, that's the problem with people! They hate to see me having a good time!

NP: Oh she knows how to win her audience! Kit you've got a correct challenge, you have a point of course, you have 41 seconds on cheating starting now.

KHH: There's a lovely story about a wedding rehearsal, where the mail fiancÚ slipped a tenner to the vicar and said "can you leave out the bit about loving and honouring..."

BUZZ

NP: Wendy challenged.

WR: Well not only was it hesitation, but honestly! If you go into another one of those appalling jokes again! This is Just A Minute, not Variety Bandbox!

NP: Variety Bandbox does date us a bit Wendy! I mean that does go back into the annals of the past. But still...

WR: Well you used to be on that, didn't you Nicholas! I used, I used to listen to it when I was in my pram!

NP: So right, Wendy, in spite of your cracks which shows you how fair and generous I am, you have a correct challenge, you have the subject back, you have cheating, you have 33 seconds starting now.

WR: Cheating at all sorts of games, such as cricket, or tennis or foot...

BUZZ

NP: Sue challenged.

WR: Two ors.

SP: Two ors.

NP: There were three ors actually.

WR: That's me, too many ors.

NP: We let two go often, but three um becomes er repetition which we don't allow. Twenty-seven seconds with you Sue on cheating starting now.

SP: Cheats never prosper goes the adage. And yet I think you'll find that most people who cheat manage to back-pocket huge sums of cash...

BUZZ

NP: Um right Tony challenged.

TH: It was a mistake, I thought she repeated cheat, which isn't on the card. Cheating, but she said cheats, so in fact...

NP: She didn't repeat cheat, she said cheating and then cheat.

TH: Yes, I'm actually saying that I made an incorrect challenge...

NP: Oh right!

TH: But Sue gets a point and everybody's jolly happy!

NP: You've brought a very sombre note to the situation, we're all very tense for a moment, the audience. Right, Sue, you had an incorrect challenge, so you have the subject still, another point, 21 seconds on cheating starting now.

SP: Once upon a time I tried to cheat by selling...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Tony challenged.

SP: Oh no, I did it!

TH: Yes! Now she has repeated cheat!

NP: She has! And Tony you've got the subject of cheating with 19 seconds to go starting now.

TH: I saw some girls playing the card game Cheat on a train once. And one of them accused the others of cheating. And I thought this was an extraordinary concept, and had a bit of a lie-down afterwards because I was tired of having watched something quite so extraordinary, in my...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Kit Hesketh-Harvey.

KHH: Were there two extraordinaries?

NP: Yes.

KHH: I think there was an extraordinary concept...

NP: You're right, extraordinary before, and it's an extraordinary that you got in with two seconds to go on cheating...

SHOUTS OF "AWWWW" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: ... starting now.

KHH: He turned to the vicar and said "would you possibly..."

BUZZ

NP: Wendy challenged just before you got there.

WR: He's done all that before! We're not having those sort of stories on this programme!

NP: So he did repeat the vicar, he did repeat the vicar.

WR: Yes he did.

NP: So Wendy that's right, and you've got in with half a second to go on cheating Wendy starting now.

WR: Cheating is a terrible...

WHISTLE

NP: So Wendy Richard brought that round to an end with a flourish and also the show. There's no more time to play Just A Minute. So let me tell you that in the final analysis, according to the points in front of me, Wendy Richard and Sue Perkins, the girls, finished equal in third place. But they were only just behind Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And this happened last time we were in the Drill Hall. Somebody was one ahead of somebody else and that was this time, Tony Hawks. So Tony you're the winner this week! So it only remains for me to say thank you to these four keen and enthusiastic and flamboyant players of the game, Wendy Richard and Kit Hesketh-Harvey on my left, and Sue Perkins and Tony Hawks on my right. I also thank Lottie for the way she helped me keep the score and blow her whistle. We thank our producer, Claire Jones who does such a marvellous job. We're indebted to Ian Messiter who created this game which we all enjoy playing. And we are very grateful to our warm and hot and overheated audience here at the Drill Hall who have cheered us on our way! From our audience, from our panel, and from me Nicholas Parsons, good-bye! Tune in the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC