WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!
starring WENDY RICHARD, TONY SLATTERY, DALE WINTON and LIZA GODDARD, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Television, 28 July 1995)
NOTE: Wendy Richard's first television appearance, Liza Goddard's first television appearance.
NICHOLAS PARSONS: Oh thank you, hello and welcome to Just A Minute, the show that's minty fresh, and leaves you tingling all over. And on my left a man to whom all of those attributes apply, the captain of the London team, he's so bubbly, he must be artificially carbonated, the absolutely fabulous, Joanna Slattery!
TONY SLATTERY: Thank you, and I have with me an actress who's starred in drama, situation comedy, film, countless game shows and the pop charts. Best known as Pauline Fowler in East Enders, but in Gladiators you know her as Psycho. Yes it's the gorgeous, the lovely, Wendy Richard!
NP: On my right, the other regular player, the captain of the Midlands team, the killer wasp of the small screen, the positively luminescent Dale Winton!
DALE WINTON: Thank you Nicholas, thank you, hello and with em I have an actress who's also starred in drama, situation comedy, film, countless game shows and Skippy the Bush Kangaroo. Best known as Philippa Gale in Bergerac, but in Gladiators you know here as Hooligan. She is the fabulous, gorgeous, lovely Liza Goddard!
NP: Well those are the four scintillating guests that I have with me this week. And as usual I'm going to ask them to speak on the subject that I give them. And they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. They can challenge at any time that they like and gain points for themselves, or they might give them away to their opponents. You'll see how we play and you'll see how the scoring goes as we begin the show with Tony Slattery. Tony, the subject is Dale's Diary. Will you tell us something about that, you can make it his diary or anybody's, 60 seconds starting now.
TS: I sneaked into Dale's bedroom one night, and in a drawer I found his diary, a five year diary with a brass clasp...
DW: I'm terrified of what he's going to say next! Once he starts talking about brass in my bedroom!
NP: I know! So what is your challenge?
DW: Deviation! He was about to get to it!
WENDY RICHARD: So he has been in your bedroom then!
NP: No, I ...
DW: He's never been in my bedroom! I promise!
NP: No, no, I accept that promise...
DW: Thank you.
NP: And therefore I agree with you that must be deviation and 52 seconds, Dale's diary starting now.
DW: Tony Slattery is welcome in my bedroom but he can wait till he's been asked! Then he can look at my diary. I do keep Dale's diary and I keep track of everything...
TS: Repetition of keep. I keep Dale's diary, I keep a track.
DW: Yes, too true!
NP: Keeping too much I'm afraid. Yes 45 seconds with you Tony, on Dale's diary starting now.
TS: Anyway the first entry I came across said "Autumn, the leaves carpet the ground with a sort of brown effect..."
LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE
TS: Sorry! Sorry, sorry! Sorry! It's so poetic! Sorry!
NP: Oh dear!
WR: At least he admitted it was rubbish! I was buzzing him for hesitation.
NP: No I would just call it naff poetry! Wendy you got in with a correct challenge, you have 36 seconds to tell us something about Dale's diary starting now.
WR: I used to enjoy Mrs Dale's Diary on the radio. In fact and not many people know this that the gentleman who plays my husband in East Enders, Bill Treacher, he was the milkman in Mrs Dale's Diary. Now Nicholas...
DW: Mrs, two Mrs.
NP: Two Mrs Dale's Diary, yes.
WR: Oh and I had something marvellous to say!
DW: Oh well if you give me the point... I'll tell you what Nicholas. I was riveted by that! And I'm glad it was off the other subject! So I don't mind having a point and she can continue.
WR: No, it's all right, please no, you continue...
NP: Oh this is impossible, way, it destroys Just A Minute. Dale you try and continue and...
WR: And I get an extra point for politeness and give it to him to talk about.
NP: Right Dale, you have a correct challenge, you have Dale's diary, 24 seconds starting now.
DW: The truth is I don't keep a diary because I have yet to learn how to control...
NP PUSHES WR'S BUZZER
NP: Yes because he said he did keep a diary before. And now he said he didn't keep a diary!
DW: True! You're not wrong there! Not bad!
NP: Dale Winton hasn't got a diary, he's admitted it himself. So another very good challenge Wendy! Thirteen seconds, they do want to hear about Mrs...
WR: But I'm, I'm supposed to press my own buzzer! I don't come there and fiddle with yours! So keep your hands off mine!
NP: They wanted you...
WR: I'm very particular who presses my buzzer!
NP: You're entitled to be particular who presses your buzzers but ah... we want to hear about Dale's, ah, Mrs Dale's Diary. Try not to say Mrs but go on, Dale's dairy, 13 seconds starting now.
WR: Dale's diary ran for years and ages on the radio and...
LIZA GODDARD: Repetition of radio I'm afraid.
NP: Yes we'll never going to get the story are we? Liza correct challenge, eight seconds, Dale's diary starting now.
LG: He does have an appointments diary which his agent looks after and it's full of commitments for television?
TS: Repetition of full of. You said full of before.
LG: I did, I did, I did!
NP: Yes I know, it's a tough game!
DW: I wish it was true!
NP: Three seconds Tony on Dale's diary starting now.
TS: There was an incident with a chain saw and a chicken and a...
TS: Yes! Yes!
NP: When I, when I activate that whistle it tells us that 60 seconds are up and whoever is speaking at that moment gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Tony Slattery. So he's in the lead at the end of the round.
NP: Dale Winton, your turn to begin, making up. I don't know why they've given it to you Dale, but will you talk about the subject in this game starting now.
DW: Making up is something I do every morning. Look at this face. It is 72 years old, true! So I start by bathing in goat's milk, followed by, well, I have combination skin. So I have to attack my epidermis with wire wool and a gallon of kitchen cleaning fluid. This is brilliant because I end up looking like Zsa-Zsa Gabor. As you...
TS: Repetition of Zsa!
WR: That's cruel!
DW: Actually you could have been kinder and said deviation. I don't look anything like Zsa-Zsa Gabor!
NP: No, no, they enjoyed...
TS: No, no!
NP: They enjoyed that, I think you...
TS: Actually you don't, you look like Captain Scarlett! I just thought!
NP: Right repetition, Tony, 40 seconds, making up starting now.
TS: When I fall out with friends or family, I find the best way to make up with them again is simply give them money! When I was alienated from a...
LG: Repetition of when I.
NP: When I. This is true, you did repeat that.
NP: Liza yes you have a point for a correct challenge, you have the subject of making up with 31 seconds starting now.
LG: I love making up. When I'm working in the theatre, I get in two hours before the performance. I sit down, have a coffee, a little quiet time to myself, put on my favourite dressing gown, turn on the lights, get my brushes in a proper order, get the makeup laid out in front of me. And I start with the base which I put on with a sponge, lightly dampened in a little water, put it all over like that...
LG: Of put.
TS: There were two puts quite close together.
LG: There were, there were.
NP: You were putting too much on then.
LG: I was putting too much on, I usually do.
NP: Yes, 10 seconds, making up starting now.
TS: Oh I can't be bothered!
NP: Yes Dale?
DW: Well I mean hesitation there.
NP: Yes definitely, nine seconds, making up Dale starting now.
DW: The aforementioned actress I was telling you about, her from America who I duplicated with her name, I have to tell you I look nothing really...
NP: Yes? Yes?
LG: Her, her.
DW: Yeah I know, I know, well said.
NP: Why worry, why worry? The Midlands team...
DW: Oh she gets a point.
NP: You get the point and the Midlands gets the point as well. So you're working for yourselves but also for your team. So you've cleverly got in with three seconds to go Liza on making up starting now.
LG: I think you look like Barbara Bel Geddes, but of course I'm only...
NP: Well Liza was endeavouring to speak as the whistle went so she gains an extra point for doing so and at the end of that round, she's equal with Tony Slattery in the lead, and the Midlands team are also leading the London team. And I'm going to change direction slightly. Instead of giving them a subject, I'm going to offer them an object. Those black segments will part, and from the centre of this piece of furniture in front of me rises an object.
OBJECT RISES THROUGH HOLE ON THE DESK IN FRONT OF NP MAKING A WHIRRING NOISE AS IT RISES, AND THEN ROTATES IN FRONT OF THE PANEL
NP: Now what has to happen now is Liza it is your turn to begin. There is an object, identify it if you can, but you have to talk about that object for 60 seconds without hesitation, repetition or deviation and you start now.
LG: Well it's a hideous object, but it's obviously a skull. I would imagine from a medical school, used to demonstrate to students. It's obviously plastic...
TS: Two obviouslys.
LG: Yes, too obvious.
NP: Yes too... 52 seconds for you Tony on the object starting now.
TS: The fourth Beverley sister! (laughs)
NP: Dale your challenge?
DW: Yes, hesitation I'm afraid.
NP: Hesitation yes and deviation.
DW: The lot!
NP: Dale you have a correct challenge, you have the object for 50 seconds are left starting now.
DW: I don't know how you managed it, your researchers have done their work, but this is the last date I ever had! As you can see, they didn't survive terribly well which is how I feel having met the person again. On reflection I think this is a Midlands connection. If I'm not mistaken this has something to do with Robin Hood, Friar Tuck. Probably it's an early skull to be found in Newstead Abbey in the Midlands region, which is what I'm talking about because we're here in the Midlands...
NP: Yes Liza?
LG: Midlands three times.
NP: You repeated Midlands.
DW: Oh thank God!
DW: You are right.
NP: Anyway your team gets a point for the Midlands. Liza it's back with you, 27 seconds are available, there's the object starting now.
LG: Of course Newstead Abbey was the home of Byron and I think he used this to ponder upon his musings when he was thinking up his pomes which he wrote...
TS: I think there was a bit of hesitation there.
NP: Yes there is...
TS: I like the idea of Lord Byron writing pomes! (in posh voice) I'm going to write pomes today! Make mine up, it's up to me!
NP: Tony there's 17 seconds...
TS: Yeah I know!
NP: Right, 17 seconds starting now.
TS: Problem skin? What you need is not soap, you need a bar with one quarter moisturiser...
DW: You need, you need.
TS: Oh yes.
NP: Well listened Dale, 11 seconds on the object starting now.
DW: I'm in two minds about this...
TS: Repetition of mind isn't it!
DW: Oh stop! Oh stop! No I'm not having that!
NP: What we do on that occasion, because we enjoyed the challenge so much, we give Tony a bonus point because the audience applauded vociferously there.
NP: But as Dale was interrupted because he, it's not a repetitious thought, it's repeating a word, that's what happens in Just A Minute. You didn't repeat a word so Dale you keep the subject, I'm sorry, you keep the object, there it is. Nine seconds starting now.
DW: I don't actually want the object but I will tell you what it is. It is a brainless head with no eyes and no, well half a nose...
NP: So Dale Winton was speaking as the whistle went, gained the extra point and er he's moved forward into second place. I can give a bonus point to anyone who can actually correctly identify the object.
NP: Well done! One to you. It's Yorick's skull. It was used in a production of Hamlet at Stratford quite recently. And now it will go back down there, back to Stratford all the way...
OBJECT DISAPPEARS BACK BENEATH THE DESK THROUGH A HOLE AGAIN MAKING A LOUD WHIRRING NOISE
NP: ... on a long journey to the Midlands. And we've reached the halfway mark in our contest. It's a very even contest, the Midlands are leading London by one point! I think we've had enough for a moment so I'm just going to take a short walk. Please don't do the same, stay tuned and you'll see us after this.
NP: Welcome back to Just A Minute. Let's choose our weapons and have a stab at the next round which is going to be taken by Wendy Richard and the subject is working out. Wendy, tell us something about that in 60 seconds if you can starting now.
WR: I go to a gym to work out. Unfortunately I don't go as often as I should because I have a tendency to be rather lazy. On one occasion when I was working out, I was lying on this slanting board and was supposed to be doing roll ups. But I happened to glance out the window and was starting to make pictures with the clouds out of this lovely blue sky. And I was quite happily reclining...
DW: Well that was hesitation. Actually there were three wases before that.
NP: Yes right, Dale you have a correct challenge, you have 37 seconds starting now.
DW: I go to a gym also to work out. I stand there bewildered at all these bodies I see, on the weights, on the bench...
NP: Yes Liza?
LG: I thought I'd challenge before they did.
DW: There were two on thes.
DW: On the.
NP: Yes you're right, so little words there but we grant it. So Liza you have a correct challenge, 29 seconds, working out starting now.
LG: I love going to the gym, all those sweaty glistening bodies, the pec decks and the running...
TS: Pec decks?
NP: Pec decks.
TS: Pec decks.
LG: Pec decks.
LG MOTIONS WITH HER ARMS AS IF USING THE SORT OF MACHINE THAT DEVELOPS THE PECTORAL MUSCLES
LG: You do pec decks.
TS: Do you?
NP: It's an abbreviation...
TS: What of, Nicholas?
NP: For the, for the...
LG: Oh sorry!
NP: For the pec...
LG: Sorry, sorry!
NP: For the pectoral muscles!
TS: Okay, sorry, incorrect challenge, carry on.
NP: Right, pec decks for the pectoral muscles, 24 seconds, working out Liza, starting now.
LG: Rowing, running, bicycling, just to warm up, you understand. And then the serious work, the muscles get going...
WR: Have we had more than one muscle?
NP: Yes you had the pectoral muscles before, yes.
LG: Yes, pectoral muscles.
NP: Sixteen muscles for you Wendy, working out starting now.
WR: Liza's place where she goes sounds much more fun than mine. Anyway you know, remember where I was before when I was saying earlier on, and all of the sudden...
LG: Little hesitation I thought.
WR: I was pausing for breath!
LG: Oh right, well I didn't think you're allowed to.
NP: It's one of those difficult decisions....
WR: We all know Nicholas could go on for hours and hours without pausing for breath, but some of us have to breathe.
TS: Yes and I'm only thixteen!
NP: Right Liza, eight seconds, working out starting now.
LG: I go at least three times a week because I like to have strong arms. I have horses, you know, so I have to...
WR: She's hesitating.
NP: I think she did hesitate.
LG: I ran out of steam.
NP: You've cleverly got in with one second to go Wendy on working out starting now.
WR: Shout it out! Wendy!
NP: So Wendy Richard was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. She's in fourth place but they're all fairly close. Tony Slattery's just in the lead and the Midlands team are leading the London team. Dale Winton your turn to begin, Brum. Will you tell us something about Brum in this game starting now.
DW: The reason you've asked me to talk about Brum...
NP: Oh Brum then all right.
DW: ... is because I represent the Midlands team. It's Birmingham, an affectionate term Brum, used for people who live in that area. Let me tell you exactly where it is. It's in the Midlands, nestling somewhere between Nuneaton and Coventry, up as far as Derby to the left and Nottingham to the right. It has a ballroom which is the main shopping centre. Very glamorous, not unlike Brent Cross in London. It also has lots of fabulous fabulous...
NP: Right, Wendy you challenged.
WR: It was too fabulous Dale!
DW: I know, I just get so excited when I think of Birmingham!
NP: Yes there we are...
DW MAKES A FACE AT THE AUDIENCE
NP: So right Wendy, back to Just A Minute, 35 seconds, Brum starting now.
WR: Many years ago I worked on a soap in the 60s in Birmingham and I commuted daily, backwards and forwards to that city...
NP: Yes Liza?
LG: Well a little bit of hesitation I think actually, sorry Wendy.
NP: There we are, Brum, 27 seconds starting now.
LG: You may not know this but I was born at Birmingham, a little outside at a place called Smethwick. Julie Walters and me are the only two people, actresses, that I know of who were born in this...
TS: Repetition of born.
NP: Yes you were born too often I’m afraid.
LG: I was.
NP: Seventeen seconds Tony, on the subject starting now.
TS: Brum brum brum went...
DW: Oh no! Oh no!
LG: Just say your hand slipped!
DW: Oh no!
LG: Your hand slipped!
DW: Oh no! Oh how could I do that!
LG: Your hand slipped Dale, your hand slipped!
NP: Right, 15 seconds, Tony, he had an incorrect challenge of course, it's the subject on the card, you can repeat it, starting...
DW: He's smirking at my displeasure! Look at him!
NP: Fifteen seconds Tony starting now.
TS: Brum brum brum went Noddy's car. That was the sound that that particular vehicle made. He met Big Ears. "What are you doing?" "Shoplifting," said Noddy...
NP: Yes, Big Ears would never have shoplifted!
LG: He would never have shoplifted!
NP: Enid Blyton would never have allowed something like that.
NP: Yes so you got in there with four seconds to go Liza on Brum starting now.
LG: I love Birmingham, there'd be...
TS: Repetition of love, you said love earlier.
NP: Yes you said love before, yes. You got in with two seconds on the subject Tony starting now.
TS: Brum is a place I'd like to live...
NP: So ah Tony Slattery was then speaking when the whistle went, gained the extra point for doing so. It's a very even contest. There's only one point separating the Midlands from London but the Midlands are in the lead. Liza Goddard...
NP: Will you take the next round?
LG: Right, okay.
NP: The subject, the Utoxiter races. It's in your part of the area...
NP: Are you a racing lady? You love horses, I know that.
LG: I love horses yes.
NP: A great horsewoman, right! Tell us something about the races at Utoxiter, 60 seconds starting now.
LG: I love nothing better than going to the races. What a wonderful day out for the whole family. I get in my Rolls Royce, I drive from Nottingham down the motorway towards Derby, and go to Utoxiter where I turn off, get into the car park, out of the car, through the gate. And then I buy my ticket. I find my friends there. We go to the beer tent, we buy a few pints of lager. Then we get down to the serious business of the day which of course is betting on the horses. And there they are, a marvellous sight! Bays, chestnuts, greys (starts to laugh)...
DW: I had to save you there!
LG: I know! I ran out of horses.
NP: You ran out of horses.
LG: I knew only three.
TS: Halimino ponies.
NP: Yes that's right. Any other suggestions from the audience?
TS: Champion the wonder horse, Ed the talking horse, the wooden horse of Troy.
NP: And Tex Tucker's horse, from Four Feather Falls for which I did the voice for the children's puppet series way back before...
WR: Oh! We don't want your CV Nicholas, we're here to play a game!
NP: Dale you had a correct challenge...
DW: How much time's left?
NP: Thirty-one seconds, the Utoxiter races starting now.
DW: Not really being a gambling man, I often like to go to the Utoxiter races to have a small flutter. I get particularly excited by the jockeys on horseback as they race along and go over the mounts wearing their sometimes green and yellow. I'm particularly fond of the... the... the...
NP: Yes Dale?
DW: I'm challenging myself here!
NP: Liza got in first so your team got in which is important for you, and Liza your challenge? Hesitation I'm sure you're right. Sixteen seconds, the Utoxiter races starting now.
LG: The most important part at the er bleurgh bleurgh bleurgh...
NP: You're helping your team magnificently.
DW: Well I mean, if I didn't, they would!
NP: I know, but that's right. So 14 seconds, the Utoxiter races Dale starting now.
DW: Galloping along over the mounts they...
TS: Repetition of over the mounts.
TS: You said that before.
NP: Tony, correct challenge, the Utoxiter races, 12 seconds starting now.
TS: When I go to the Utoxiter races, I like to distract the jockeys as they...
DW: No I mean he was errrr the jockeys.
NP: The jockeys, yes.
DW: The jockeys.
NP: Yes I think that's deviation from English as we understand it, or hesitation, whichever interpretation you wish. Dale, another point to you, gosh, the Midlands are doing well. Eight seconds, the Utoxiter races starting now.
DW: Come to think of it, I recall one horseman who actually had a purple and yellow hat. Very smart it was too...
NP: Yes Liza?
DW: Two many yellows.
LG: Yellow, repetition of yellow.
NP: Yellow, well listened Liza.
DW: I lost the will to live!
NP: No, but your team are going like great guns on this one.
TS: They're not called hats, they're called caps, aren't they, jockey's hats. Jockeys don't call hats. It's not Ascot! They don't go around with big flowery numbers!
NP: They have jockey caps but they have the...
WR: You don't know some of the jockeys he obviously knows!
LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE
NP: Oh over the jump they do have the crash helmets now.
TS: Do they?
NP: Yes indeed they do. Liza, two seconds, the Utoxiter races starting now.
LG: The most exciting part is the betting. You go to the tote and you get out your money...
NP: Well Liza Goddard brought that round to a finish with a flourish. She got a point for doing so, she finished in second place just ahead of her partner Dale Winton. Tony Slattery was in the lead so congratulations to Tony.
WR: I'm losing!
NP: No, no, nobody loses, nobody loses. Congratulations to Tony.
TS: Thank you.
NP: A round of applause, you can give him a round of applause. But by a very narrow margin, two points ahead, the Midlands team are the victors this week. Congratulations, Dale Winton and Liza Goddard! Well we have no more time to play Just A Minute. As Methuselah said all things come to a sticky end. So I think it's time to say good-bye from Tony Slattery, Wendy Richard, Liza Goddard, Dale Winton and myself, until the next time we take to the air and we play Just A Minute. Until then from all of us here good-bye.