WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!
starring TONY SLATTERY, DALE WINTON, MARIELLA FROSTRUP and CAROLYN MARSHALL, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Television, 16 June 1995)
NOTE: Carolyn Marshall's only appearance.
NICHOLAS PARSONS: Thank you, thank you, thank you, hello and welcome to Just A Minute, the show that challenges you in the verbals and squashes them in its fist. Oh what brilliant, oh that's gone around the audience like a cheese of hot cakes. My guests this week, as usual on my left, the captain of the London team, the effervescent and ever-cheerful Tony Slattery!
TONY SLATTERY: Thank you and with me I have someone with a lot to say about just about anything you care to mention. She's presented programmes on books, music, travel and what's on in London. Would you please make wet slapping sounds with the palm of your hands for Carolyn Marshall!
NP: On my right is the captain of the Midlands team. A man who has single-handedly turned shopping for frozen vegetables into an exciting television experience. He's the host of the inspired Supermarket Sweep, the dazzling Dale Winton!
DALE WINTON: Thank you! Thank you, thank you. And with me I have a multitalented television presenter, reviewer, columnist, and interviewer who was born in Norway, although she's not pining for the Fjords half as much as they're probably pining for her. It is Mariella Frostrup!
NP: Oh well there we are, those are the four players of the game and they're going to try and play this delightfully simple game. That is it's simple until you try and play it. They will try and win points for themselves but most importantly they will try and gain points for their team because it's Midlands against London. Which team will triumph this week? Stay tuned, you will find out. As I ask them to speak on the subject that I give them and they try and do that without hesitation, repetition, or deviating from the subject. Right! And Dale Winton, it's your turn to begin, the subject, groceries in Grantham. A Midland town, a subject close to your heart, I am sure. Start speaking if you can starting now.
DALE WINTON: Let me put you in the picture. Geographically Grantham lies towards Lincolnshire, between Sleeford and Skegness. I've been there many times because I represent the Midlands team. It's beautiful. Another famous person, much more famous than I will ever be, is Margaret...
CAROLYN MARSHALL: Deviation.
NP: Famous person, much more famous than I will ever be.
CM: Deviation, and famous person...
DW: Deviation first.
MARIELLA FROSTRUP: There was no deviation.
NP: No, there was no deviation, I'm sorry. So you keep the subject with a point, and 49 seconds, groceries in Grantham starting now.
DW: Groceries through Gran er...
NP: Yes that time, yes, once you are interrupted, it is difficult to get going again. Forty-seven seconds, groceries in Grantham Tony, starting now.
TS: I'm going to come at this from a slightly different angle. Leslie Grantham, the actor, swallows lots of vegetables. If he has an x-ray within his tummy, you can see... oh God!
NP: Hesitation, yes. Mariella you got in on groceries in Grantham and 37 seconds left starting now.
MF: As we all know our previous Prime Minister was the daughter of a grocer from Grantham. And that is why groceries in Grantham have become such a choice thing. Because people love to go there and pick up their groceries from Maggie's father's shop...
NP: Dale you challenged.
DW: I didn't mean to! I made a mistake! No...
NP: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It helped your team because it was an incorrect challenge...
MF: We get a point anyway.
DW: Oh right! Oh fair enough!
NP: So Mariella gets a point and she keeps the subject, 24 seconds, groceries in Grantham starting now.
MF: The establishment he ran is apparently very well stocked...
TS: The establishment he rans?
MF: He ran!
TS: You said "the establishment he rans".
MF: The establishment he ran is, will you stop being pathetic Tony!
TS: Look, look, is it just your accent then when you said (in camp languid voice) the establishment he ran?
NP: I think she was saying runs and it sounded a little like rans. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm always fair in this Tony. So 22 seconds are available, Mariella, another point, groceries in Grantham starting now.
MF: Well stocked with lots of different kinds of combustibles...
NP: No hesitation! Carolyn sorry. Mariella another point to you, 19 seconds, groceries in Grantham starting now.
MF: Including parsnips, carrots, peas, green beans, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, cabbage, er...
NP: Yeah after the cabbage she hesitated. Right, 12 seconds still available, groceries in Grantham Tony starting now.
TS: Cour-gette are... another...
DW: No, that was hesitation.
NP: That was hesitation, yes. He went too far on that occasion and got carried away, yes. Eight seconds are left, groceries in Grantham starting now.
DW: What's very interesting is that not many people know this is that Nicholas Parsons...
NP: Wait a minute, yes?
NP: He gets a point for being interrupted, I'm afraid. Dale another point to you, five seconds, groceries in Grantham starting now.
DW: A member of our chairperson's family was doctor to aforesaid mentioned previous Prime Minister...
TS: Sorry I don't know... that was... that was er...
NP: That was absolutely correct.
TS: Yes it was, because...
NP: My father was doctor to the aforesaid mentioned Prime Minister...
MF: What? Don't tell him! He's teasing you on!
NP: I'm saying he's correct! He's correct! Oh you're so defensive! You're so keen! Oh they so much want to win this game!
NP GRITS HIS TEETH, CLENCHES HIS FISTS AND THROWS HIS ARMS AROUND LIKE A CHILD THROWING A TANTRUM
NP: Oh they want to win! They want to win! Right! Tony it was an incorrect challenge, Dale you have another point, you have half a second on groceries in Grantham starting now.
DW: Groceries in Grantham...
NP: Dale Winton got a lot of points in that round including one for speaking as the whistle went. And Mariella Frostrup, it is your turn to begin, the subject is red Leicester. Would you tell us something about that in this game starting now.
MF: Well the term red Leicester first originated in the town of Leicester because there was a Communist cell living there just at the end of the Second World War. They weren't very well known but they were discovered by Tony Benn who went up there in a search for more Communists because he needed some more...
TS: Repetition of the word Communists.
NP: We've had too many Communists.
MF: It's a fabulous word.
CM: Well worth repeating Mariella, I think.
NP: Forty-six seconds for you Tony on red Leicester starting now.
TS: Fromage in the French term, I was talking about... blue...
TS: Sorry! Sorry!
CM: What was that all about?
DW: I've never heard such a load of nonsense in all my life!
NP: I know! Dale I agree with your challenge, hesitation, 36 seconds, red Leicester starting now.
DW: Of course you've all misunderstood. Red Leicester means having...
TS: Repetition, there was an of course before that.
DW: Did I say of course?
TS: Yes! I'm afraid... No, you haven't played in this round yet!
DW: No I haven't!
NP: It was Mariella who said of course, Mariella said of course I'm afraid. So that was a wrong challenge, you have another point Dale, you have 36 seconds, red Leicester starting now.
DW: Red Lester refers to Lester Piggott, whose book I have read. Great reading, it really is! Because what you do is you find out all about how to race in all the various courses, Epsom, the Derby, the National. What you find out is...
NP: Ah yes?
CM: What twice.
LAUGHTER FROM TS AND THE AUDIENCE
CM: I'm just playing the game!
TS: I know! I think you're wonderful!
NP: Twenty-four seconds, red Leicester with you Carolyn...
CM: Oh hello!
NP: ...starting now.
CM: A topic so close to my heart you wouldn't believe it! However I'm not really prepared to talk about it. What I would like to talk about is Leicester the place...
TS: Repetition of talk.
NP: Yes there's talks.
CM: Oh you see it's so difficult though!
NP: You could have made out that you were the red Leicester girl with your hair.
TS: Oh stop it Nicholas!
CM: Nicholas! That's a very lovely thing to say to a girl though!
MF: Oh don't be, don't be won over by it! It's all stop! Another girl will walk in the door! Listen, I've, I've enjoyed it!
CM: You've enjoyed it?
MF: I was flavour of the month only a couple of weeks back!
NP: Do you think I'm a... Eighteen seconds for your partner, Tony Slattery, on red Leicester starting now.
NP: Yes Dale?
DW: Well there was hesitation wasn't there.
NP: There was hesitation. Why do you want to give it to the opposition?
TS: Where am I?
CM: I don't know!
TS: What's going on?
CM: I don't...
NP: Dale, right, the Midlands are doing well, 17 seconds, red Leicester starting now.
DW: Red Leicester is a little village in Leicester itself. I often visit it representing this particular team. And you can have a drink in the local pub where they pour...
CM: You're a creep!
DW: With an extra point!
NP: I don't believe there is a place called red Leicester, do you?
MF: Oh don't, don't you dare!
DW: There is!
MF: Don't you even think about it Nicholas!
CM: Nicholas, I'm with you on this one, I am!
DW: Could we not split the difference and give nobody the points? I'll accept that!
NP: No! Eight seconds, Carolyn, red Leicester starting now.
CM: Leicester is a very red place to live in because one of my best friends have been there before, and she told me...
NP: Dale yes?
DW: I never heard such nonsense! Deviation!
DW: Hesitation and deviation I should say really.
NP: All right, half a second on red Leicester with you Dale starting now.
DW: Red Leicester...
CM: Oh blow!
CM: There's the whistle!
NP: So Dale was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point and he's equal in the lead with Carolyn Marshall at the end of that round. I think we'll do something slightly different now. I'm not going to give them a subject, I'm going to offer them an object. Yes from the bowels of this...
OBJECT RISES THROUGH HOLE ON THE DESK IN FRONT OF NP MAKING A WHIRRING NOISE AS IT RISES, AND THEN ROTATES IN FRONT OF THE PANEL
NP: ... desk will arise an object. There it is, I think it's easily recognisable. All you have to do is to talk about the object without hesitation, repetition or deviation if you can, and Carolyn it is your turn to begin. So will you start, 60 seconds if you can, now.
CM: I think you'll find that object in front of us is some type of cannonball scenario thing with, with, with, with, with...
CM: Did I repeat anything? Did I repeat anything?
NP: Yes Mariella?
MF: Repetition, hesitation...
NP: Well there's the object, there are 52 seconds for you Mariella starting now.
MF: Well it's quite obviously a miniature cannon, which was employed during the American Civil War by the Confederate Army, hence the colouring, the blue and red, which is easily easily recognisable...
CM: One for gibbering! And two for being too damn clever for your own good, Mariella!
NP: So what's your challenge?
MF: It seems rather unfair!
NP: Carolyn what's your challenge?
CM: Ah hesitation.
NP: No! She didn't hesitate, she kept going.
CM: Oh come on Mariella, do admit it, please!
NP: No she didn't hesitate.
MF: Are you joking?
NP: She didn't hesitate. Right Mariella, an incorrect challenge, and you keep the object there, 42 seconds, tell us more about it starting now.
MF: These were particularly difficult days for the southern army as they had to lug this sort of heavy equipment around with them. And many of them were young men incapable of carrying such great weights. Hence the reason in fact that they lost said dispute, did the Yankees, and then carried on to lose all their slaves...
NP: Yes, you challenged Carolyn?
CM: I did indeed.
NP: Yes, deviation 'coz it's not...
NP: No she's got it wrong, hasn't she.
CM: It's nothing like that!
NP: It's got nothing to do with the Confederate Army or the southern army or...
CM: Definitely! Look at it!
MF: You've already described it as a cannonball thing!
NP: That's a cannon, yes!
CM: I think that sounds far more accurate!
NP: That's a cannon, yes...
MF: I said it's a cannon.
NP: You identified it, you identified it also with the American Civil War which is incorrect.
MF: Since when, since when did I...
NP: So Carolyn has a correct challenge, you have 25 seconds starting now.
CM: Given the size of this object, I think it's highly likely it would sit on somebody's desk and be...
NP: Yes Dale?
DW: Well hesitation I'm afraid.
NP: Hesitation yes. There's the object Dale, tell us something about it, 18 seconds starting now.
DW: I think it's a little too big to sit on someone's desk. As I look at it, it's definitely a cannon. It's got brass, wood and two spoked wheels. Very elegant! I think that it is from the early Ages and probably from London, this is not a Midlands item...
TS: Repetition of probably. Probably from the Middle Ages and...
CM: Do you know Arthur Negus?
NP: Yes you did two probablys...
DW: Did I do probably? I sit like him, I'm afraid.
TS: Two probablys.
NP: Six seconds are available for you Tony to tell us something about the object starting now.
TS: Come with me now to the crenelated battle of the type...
MF: What is he on about?
NP: Crenelated, yes.
TS: Well look, it's an English word, you're from Norway!
MF: No, actually British.
TS: Crenelated is a perfectly usable synonym for castellated which means castle...
MF: What's he talking about?
NP: I think you can refer to battlements as crenelated, even if you don't find it a very accurate word.
MF: They were set in stone in the battlements!
NP: Three seconds for Tony Slattery on the object starting now.
TS: Just waiting for the turret to turn round to Mariella and fire!
NP: No, no you did get in just before Mariella.
NP: And you have half a second on the object starting now.
MF: I do like...
NP: So justice was done and seen to be done. I'm always fair to all of them. The benefit of the doubt went to Mariella there, she just got in before the whistle and an extra point for doing so. I will give a bonus point to anyone who can actually identify what that is. I'll let you know it is actually a mascot. Of what is it the mascot? Yes?
TS: The Royal Artillery?
NP: No. Anyone else want to have a go? Oh Mariella's looking! No!
MF: Arsenal Football Club!
NP: She looked over my shoulder! Yes!
OBJECT DISAPPEARS BACK BENEATH THE DESK THROUGH A HOLE AGAIN MAKING A LOUD WHIRRING NOISE
NP: It is time for us to break open a box of Moist Wipes, get the egg of our faces, we'll take a break, and you'll see us after this... (laughs) Oh you're rotten!
NP: Thank you. Welcome back, welcome back. Well let’s see if our panellists can come any closer to masterminding the English language in our next round. Tony Slattery, the green belt, or green belt. Let’s just say green belt, that's the subject. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.
TS: Well I used to do a lot of sport. In London I did...
NP: No I don't think so! No!
MF: Oh he did so! Do I have to mime it for you every time?
NP: Fifty-seven seconds for you Tony, the green belt starting now.
TS: The aforesaid athletic activity in which i indulged, I got a black belt in. But...
NP: Yes I think so.
NP: Or saying the same thing. Carolyn, 50 seconds, green belt starting now.
CM: Green belts...
NP: Yes I agree with you Mariella. You have the subject, green belt, 49 seconds starting now.
MF: A green belt is my favourite colour for a belt, though of course I do also wear...
CM: Sorry, I meant the belts, and sorry, I know...
NP: It's on the card.
CM: It's on the card so sorry...
NP: It's all right, you've only played it once before, don't worry.
CM: Thank you Nicholas.
NP: But you have a point for being interrupted Mariella, you have a point for being interrupted Mariella...
MF: Thank you.
NP: And you have 46 seconds, green belt starting now.
MF: I.. also like red belts...
DW: Sorry I had to, because they were going to buzz you for hesitation.
NP: Yes and you were right, you got in this time...
MF: I can't handle all this buzzing!
NP: I know! It's a bit too much for you but it doesn't matter...
DW: I had to do it, I'm afraid.
NP: Dale you got in first...
MF: Off you go!
NP: ...with 45 seconds, green belt starting now.
DW: Mariella doesn't wear a green belt very often because, she told me earlier, the problem is you can never find a matching bag and gloves. To wear a frock that suits a green belt...
TS: Repetition of wear.
NP: She was wearing...
MF: Wearing, wear.
TS: No, no, you said Mariella doesn't wear a green belt often, you can never find... is anyone interested? You can never find...
MF: How do you know...
TS: No, no...
NP: We're not going to have an argument! Tony you are correct, you have the subject, green belt, 37 seconds starting now.
TS: You can't... build...
NP: I agree. Thirty-six seconds, green belt with you Mariella starting now.
MF: Green shoes tend to clash with a green belt which is a particular problem for me, because I do like my waist and my feet to match when I have an outfit on...
CM: My twice.
CM: My waist, my feet.
NP: Yes, it's a bit of a tough challenge but it is correct so I have to give it to you Carolyn.
MF: Well if you clutch at straws!
NP: Thirteen seconds, green belt starting now.
CM: Every supermarket has... a green belt...
NP: Yes Mariella, 10 seconds, green belt starting now.
MF: Skirts are nice... particularly when you have...
NP: All right...
NP: Green belt's with you, eight seconds Carolyn starting now.
MF: Over acting!
CM: The conveyor belt in a supermarket...
DW: We've had two supermarkets.
NP: We had a supermarket...
TS: You can't get enough of them, can you?
DW: No I can't!
NP: So Dale you cleverly got in, six seconds, green belt starting now.
DW: My partner mentioned popularity in green belts. In Wolverhampton they're quite h'ote cotour, in fact you can't go anywhere without seeing large ladies...
NP: Dale Winton was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. And Mariella Frostrup it is your turn to begin, the subject is the merry men. Sixty seconds starting now.
MF: The merry men were of course the team of chaps that accompanied Robin Hood in the fa-forest of Sherwood...
NP: Oh yes! Tony, the merry men is the subject, 55 seconds are available starting now.
TS: Come with me now to the leafy glades of Sherwood Forest! Look! Little John! Behold Friar Tuck! What are they doing? Being merry! What else is there to do in Nottingham? Any old way...
NP: Um Dale?
DW: Nottingham twice, I'm afraid.
NP: Yes Nottingham twice. Dale, well listened, you have the merry men and you have 44 seconds starting now.
DW: Nottingham Forest is actually near the said woodland called Sherwood which is why it's called that. Which is why you can't have merry men...
CM: Three whys.
NP: Whys, why.
DW: Oh you're right, you're not wrong.
CM: You're very wise but there were three whys.
NP: Thirty-eight seconds Carolyn, on the merry men starting now.
CM: The merry men often hung out with the merry wives of Windsor because that's in, that's...
NP: There was a hesitation, sorry Carolyn, yes. Mariella you have 31 seconds to continue or take back the merry men starting now.
MF: The question that's never been answered is why they were so very merry. And the truth is it was because of a plant that can be found in those woods. It's not been revealed before but this plant has fantastic...
NP: Yes Dale?
DW: I think he was about to buzz so I had to get in first...
MF: I know, I'm glad, you did, thank you.
DW: There were two plants.
NP: There were two plants yes. You got in first Dale, another point, the merry men, starting, 19 seconds, now.
DW: When you look at this woodland leafy area, you're tempted to think, well, they're merry men and I know why they're merry men, because they're gardeners...
DW: Have I gone wrong again?
NP: No, no, you didn't, no...
DW: Nice to get a bit of a flow going here, if you don't mind!
NP: He was too keen so you've got another point for an incorrect challenge...
NP: ... and 10 seconds on the merry men starting now.
DW: Wherever you go outside London, these merry men in our particular vicinity, region, call it what you will, you'll find merry men wearing pink, prue, blue...
TS: There's no such colour as pruuuuuuuue.
DW: I was looking at your jacket when I said it!
NP: Tony you cleverly got in with only one second to go...
DW: Oh no!
NP: ...on the merry men starting now.
TS: Look out!
CM: Oh yes!
MF: He keeps stopping just before the bell...
NP: Yes he did get in before the bell, he gained an extra point for doing so. He's taken the lead at the end of that round. There's time for one more round, talking to myself, what a good subject. Carolyn can you talk on talking to myself for 60 seconds starting now.
CM: Talking to myself, given the time on this show happens to be one of my most favourite subjects and I'll tell you for why. I find I can really get going when I start thinking about.. Just A Minute...
NP: Yes Mariella, you have 48 seconds to tell us something about talking to myself starting now.
MF: Talking to myself is something that I enjoy very much, because most of the time nobody else will listen to me. And who can blame them when such a lot of absolute nonsense comes pouring out of my mouth in a stream? It seems never ending. Well, so I've resorted to talking to myself. And I seem to do it rather well...
CM: Two seems.
NP: Two seems, well listened Carolyn. Thirty-two seconds, talking to myself starting now.
CM: I certainly agree with Mariella!
MF: That's nice to know!
NP: Your, your light came on first Dale, 29 seconds, talking to myself starting now.
DW: Talking to myself is a worrying thing to do because I've started getting answers back! I look at the ceiling and I look at the sky and I wonder...
TS: Repetition of look.
DW: Oh I look too often don't I?
NP: Too often, yes. Twenty-two seconds, talking to myself Tony starting now.
TS: In terms of cerebral deconstruction they thought that Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, somewhere in northern Europe...
DW: Well that was deviation.
DW: I mean, what was he talking about?
MF: He was talking to myself, what's that got to do...
DW: Oh he was talking to himself!
CM: He was! Oh!
DW: But he wasn't, we could all hear!
MF: He was talking to himself!
NP: Now listen, don't get too keen again! The thing is I think Tony was establishing the fact that of all the characters in Shakespeare's plays, Hamlet did talk to himself quite a lot.
DW: Right, fair comment.
NP: I agree with you Tony, 17 seconds, talking to myself...
MF: I don't think that's what he was saying!
NP: ...starting now.
TS: The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat is a collection of psychoanalytical essays on the subject of schizophrenia which is often referred to, as not a shattered person...
MF: Schizophrenia's got nothing to do with talking to yourself.
NP: Well we don't know, a schizophrenic might talk to himself.
MF: I know what The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat's about, it's about schizophrenics, and it's got absolutely nothing to do with talking to myself.
NP: All right, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, he was deviating a lot from talking to myself, he got way off the subject...
CM: I think they do! I think they do however!
NP: So Mariella, you have a correct challenge, you have the subject, six seconds starting now.
MF: Talking to myself is something I was taught by my family...
TS: Repetition of something, you said that the first time.
MF: Oh Tony!
NP: Tony, four seconds, talking to myself starting now.
TS: If I can just get to the end of my psychological treatise...
DW: We had psychological earlier.
TS: Oh all right!
DW: Or were you just talking to yourself at the time?
NP: And Dale you, Dale you cleverly got in with one second to go on talking to myself starting now.
DW: Talking to myself...
NP: So this intense and exciting show has at last come to an end. Let me give you the final score. Dale Winton...
TS: Dill? Dill Winton?
NP: Dale Winton was speaking then when the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so. And at that particular moment he took the lead, so he has most points, congratulations to Dale Winton! But the Midlands team really outshone themselves this week because they are eight points ahead of the London team, so Mariella Frostrup, Dale Winton, you are the winners this week! There's no more time to play Just A Minute alas, so we put away the scoreboard, we're going to put away our buzzer and we are going to retire for a refreshing drink. We hope that you might retire but we hope you'll tune in again same time next week when we take to the air and we play Just A Minute. Till then good-bye!